Intense Night and Staying True to Values, Even If It Upsets Others .........................5/14/13

     Good evening,

Monday, I used my laptop while working with two of my clients.  Unfortunately, I left my power cord for it in the office I use in San Leandro.  I picked it up tonight.  I was computerless last night, this morning and afternoon and evening, until now, at 11:55, as I write this.

      I didn't miss much, without my laptop.  Last night, I caught up on reading,  studying material I love.  I went to bed earlier, getting nine hours of sleep, is all.  Methinks I need to
forego the computer more often.

A Full and Intense Evening
      I just got in after cycling 13 miles (20.92 km) in fifty-nine minutes---along the shores of San Leandro Bay, on my way home---at a late hour.   How come?  Because, I had a delightful dinner---a repast of Vietnamese food---with a female friend.

      Afterwards, we took in the Great Gatsby movie, in 3D.  A cinematically beautiful, well acted, but viscerally intense, flick.  Not a happy movie.  While in the darkened room, it produced stabbings of painful memories of sick relationships that once shredded my serenity.  This was before I knew recovery, before I knew freedom from emotional vampires, bullies, narcissists, when I was strongly codependent, and suffered from passivity and a martyrdom complex.  Other than that, my life back then---before my personal growth---wasn't too bad. (Kidding, folks.)

      The film awakened my Gatsbyesque experiences.  The movie shoveled plenty of food for unpleasant thoughts, prompting me to write the stories tucked within my soul, clamoring to be expressed.  The good thing is that, if you like drama, if you are addicted to having intense feelings to get your adrenaline going, watching a film is perfect. Why? Because, after you're done, you can go home and leave the drama there. That's the best thing I can say about watching The Great Gatsby, a disturbing movie.

My Reaction While Cinematically Captivated 
      I couldn't help thinking, while watching the film, how the characters would have understood one another better if they used nonviolent communication. (I especially like this link.)  I thought how I would respond to Jim Gatsby and other seamy individuals portrayed tonight.  Screaming at others, using violence, sarcasm and put downs are terribly ineffective, unnecessary, emotionally draining and tragic ways of expressing needs.  That's how the characters related in this film.

      I say tragic because these methods usually hinder us from being heard.  For more about this, you might want to read this entry, where I quote Marshall Rosenberg.  He does a better job explaining my point.

      I also noted that I would have gotten out of Dodge. I no longer spend time with emotional sieves that drain my energy, joy, strenght and hope. I'm healthier and know better than to allow that to happen, now.

"A prudent man sees a danger and withdraws, but the simple continue on and suffer for it." Proverbs 27:12

      The person who shared this movie with me was a delight to be with.  It made for a good time.  She revealed good qualities I already knew she had, especially her concern for family.  And I appreciate her femininity.  I knew her twenty-seven years ago and got reacquainted in the past few months through someone we both know.

My Gratitudes: 
1.  I'm thankful for the healthy relationships I have with the women I know, including those I date.
2.  The amazing conversations I have with others add joy to my life. I love connecting with others as equals, where I learn from them and I share my experience, strength and hope with them.
3.  I'm happy I had a fantastic day at work, earlier in the day.  I love my profession, those I serve and way my job stretches me, challenges my mind and nurtures my spirit.

Having My Voice
       Recently, I spoke my truth with someone.  I'm thankful that others may be disappointed with what I have to say, when I hold true to my values. Their unhappy response does not prompt me to shy away from boundaries I cherish. Though they may be upset, it's their job to process what troubles them, not mine, to accommodate their negative feelings.

      This is especially true if I'm adhering to my need for consistency, reliability, honor, trust, respect, communication, understanding, emotional safety, ease and reciprocity.

4.  I'm grateful for thriving, having my voice, staying strong in my autonomy, true to my need for independence and creating the necessary space I need in order to be who I am.  I delight in being free from needing the approval of others. I approve of myself. And that is good enough.