Tuesday, May 14

Intense Night and Staying True to Values, Even If It Upsets Others .........................5/14/13

     Good evening,

Monday, I used my laptop while working with two of my clients.  Unfortunately, I left my power cord for it in the office I use in San Leandro.  I picked it up tonight.  I was computerless last night, this morning and afternoon and evening, until now, at 11:55, as I write this.

      I didn't miss much, without my laptop.  Last night, I caught up on reading,  studying material I love.  I went to bed earlier, getting nine hours of sleep, is all.  Methinks I need to
forego the computer more often.

A Full and Intense Evening
      I just got in after cycling 13 miles (20.92 km) in fifty-nine minutes---along the shores of San Leandro Bay, on my way home---at a late hour.   How come?  Because, I had a delightful dinner---a repast of Vietnamese food---with a female friend.

      Afterwards, we took in the Great Gatsby movie, in 3D.  A cinematically beautiful, well acted, but viscerally intense, flick.  Not a happy movie.  While in the darkened room, it produced stabbings of painful memories of sick relationships that once shredded my serenity.  This was before I knew recovery, before I knew freedom from emotional vampires, bullies, narcissists, when I was strongly codependent, and suffered from passivity and a martyrdom complex.  Other than that, my life back then---before my personal growth---wasn't too bad. (Kidding, folks.)

      The film awakened my Gatsbyesque experiences.  The movie shoveled plenty of food for unpleasant thoughts, prompting me to write the stories tucked within my soul, clamoring to be expressed.  The good thing is that, if you like drama, if you are addicted to having intense feelings to get your adrenaline going, watching a film is perfect. Why? Because, after you're done, you can go home and leave the drama there. That's the best thing I can say about watching The Great Gatsby, a disturbing movie.

My Reaction While Cinematically Captivated 
      I couldn't help thinking, while watching the film, how the characters would have understood one another better if they used nonviolent communication. (I especially like this link.)  I thought how I would respond to Jim Gatsby and other seamy individuals portrayed tonight.  Screaming at others, using violence, sarcasm and put downs are terribly ineffective, unnecessary, emotionally draining and tragic ways of expressing needs.  That's how the characters related in this film.

      I say tragic because these methods usually hinder us from being heard.  For more about this, you might want to read this entry, where I quote Marshall Rosenberg.  He does a better job explaining my point.

      I also noted that I would have gotten out of Dodge. I no longer spend time with emotional sieves that drain my energy, joy, strenght and hope. I'm healthier and know better than to allow that to happen, now.
"A prudent man sees a danger and withdraws, but the simple continue on and suffer for it." Proverbs 27:12
      The person who shared this movie with me was a delight to be with.  It made for a good time.  She revealed good qualities I already knew she had, especially her concern for family.  And I appreciate her femininity.  I knew her twenty-seven years ago and got reacquainted in the past few months through someone we both know.

My Gratitudes: 
1.  I'm thankful for the healthy relationships I have with the women I know, including those I date.
2.  The amazing conversations I have with others add joy to my life. I love connecting with others as equals, where I learn from them and I share my experience, strength and hope with them.
3.  I'm happy I had a fantastic day at work, earlier in the day.  I love my profession, those I serve and way my job stretches me, challenges my mind and nurtures my spirit.

Having My Voice
       Recently, I spoke my truth with someone.  I'm thankful that others may be disappointed with what I have to say, when I hold true to my values. Their unhappy response does not prompt me to shy away from boundaries I cherish. Though they may be upset, it's their job to process what troubles them, not mine, to accommodate their negative feelings.

      This is especially true if I'm adhering to my need for consistency, reliability, honor, trust, respect, communication, understanding, emotional safety, ease and reciprocity.

4.  I'm grateful for thriving, having my voice, staying strong in my autonomy, true to my need for independence and creating the necessary space I need in order to be who I am.  I delight in being free from needing the approval of others. I approve of myself. And that is good enough.


Vanessa Higgins said...

Hello friend!

Good to see you still love to climb onto your bike and ride away. My Dad kept telling me to pull out my bike and I finally listened. I did two laps around my neighbourhood past many small lakes. i truly enjoyed myself.

Sorry I have been away. I keep hitting these low spots where I hide away in fear of the world. But I will try to break through a bit here and there until I fully emerge as happy and as free as I used to be.

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

Missing my Tuesday post, I have many gratitudes to catch up on...

On this Thursday night, I am grateful;

1. That a most deserving, beautiful, and deeply spiritual young woman from South Carolina, Candice Glover won American Idol.

2. To conclude a long, 12+ hour work-day with a grateful heart.

3. New customer doors opening left and right...

4. For some subtle recovery, compassion - empathy, and boundaries work with our #2 son, via phone.

5. A sincere discussion with son #3 regarding his finances and plans to move on with his life; moving to SF, returning to his senior year of college, working on campus, and rebuilding his temporarily self-shattered, post-divorce life.

6. A lighter work-day tomorrow, and time to swim, soak and steam at the gym.

Pablo said...

Hello Vanessa!

I want to reply sooner, next time you drop by with a comment. Life has been busy, but I still want to make the time to connect with those who drop by, like you.

If you lived closer, I'd invite you for a ride. Today, I'll put in over thirteen miles.

I have missed you. Just remember, I appreciate you as you are. At this inn, you and all other guests are valued, loved and given unconditional acceptance, and you don't have to be "up" to be appreciated. You have my support. Always.

Hope to hear from you again, soon.

Pablo said...


Sorry, for not replying sooner. This part of my duties will improve. I'm glad you have been around, to encourage the innkeeper.

What do you do, to perk yourself up, when encountering long work days? It appears your work has long hours and is demanding.

You have my curiosity.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.