Assistant Innkeeper's Personal Growth: Applying Awareness, Acceptance and Action ............................12/18/12

        Hello everyone,

How are you?  Our new assistant innkeeper, Carl, shares with us lessons learned as he applied the Three A's at a recent company party.  He reminds us of the need to respond and not react, that we have choices. We do not have to be victims to life's circumstances.

       Thanks, Carl, for your insights.  May every guest today have a great and grateful day as we grow in grace towards ourselves and others.   Here's the post:

For more about  the
Rosetta Stone, read here. 

Rosetta Stone: "A clue, breakthrough, or discovery that provides crucial knowledge for solving or understanding a puzzle or problem."   

      A wise, battle scarred, present-day sage in the field of human behavior once shared that page 256 in a relatively obscure daily reader, Courage to Change, is the
Rosetta Stone of all healing or recovery literature. Well my friend, he just might be right!

      I will quote passages from this page periodically, as my story unfolds.  Beginning with.... 

“In dealing with a change, a problem, or a discovery, awarenessis often followed by a period of acceptance, before we can take action. This process is sometimes referred to as the “Three A’s” –  Awareness, Acceptance and Action.”

      My Asian seafood company holds an annual end-of-year dinner party for the sales staff.  I'm senior to others in sales management experience and years. Our beloved recession blesses me with a humbling career role, for which I am grateful.

      At previous company dinner parties, I'd excuse myself early in the festivities.  I'd apply the old "I have a “prior engagement” escape clause.  In the particular Asian country that dominates the company I work for, the custom is meeting for dinner, eating and drinking through courses---for hours.  The time culminates with attending the nearest smoke-filled Karaoke Club, crooning until dawn.  Oye vay!

      This event was scheduled Saturday evening, in the middle of my family weekend time, in downtown San Francisco.  Declining the invition, I considered----penning a “saved” email to that effect. 

      This time, as a older team member who declined a previous management offer, I succumbed to professional expectations.  Supporting management, show solidarity was the right thing to do. This was especially necessary since I’m not Asian and hold a relatively vague, undefined management position.  Maybe I was a bit co-dependent;  I'm still sorting out my feelings about that.

      So, awareness prompted attendance.  Next, was acceptance, preparing----emotionally----for the evening.  Quoting again from Courage to Change: 

“Coping with a new awareness can be extremely awkward, and most of us are eager to spare ourselves pain or discomfort. Yet, until we accept the reality with which we have been faced, we probably won’t be capable of taking effective action with confidence.”

       My strategy involved sitting near the end of the table, as near to the door as possible, and staying two hours.  I would then launch, in my mind, into Paul Simon’s “Slip Slidin’ Away,” and be out the door -  “Kickin’ up the cobblestones, and Feelin’ Groovy!”

       Little did I know that hours of “sneaking-up-on-you” over-eating, vacuous conversation----fleetingly in English----and tortuous boredom, lay ahead.  Of the fourteen or so sales office staff, eleven confirmed, with two bailing out.  One got lost in the one-way maze that is downtown SF, gave up and went home. 

        This left eight stalwarts: the four top Asian managers, we three sales persons and the lady office manager.  Of these there were two gringos; a newcomer and this old-timer.  The Asians and the newcomer somehow all knew the drill, and were there for the duration.

        And so it began---fifteen small, one-at-a-time courses consisting of four pieces of Nigiri-zushi on two mini-tables (up to $20+ per piece).  Various “mystery items” were served in little bamboo spoons.  Bottomless premium Okinawan beer, and rare Sake flowed during each intermission. 

       The grand finale “dessert” was a meal-sized bowl of Udon noodle soup with fresh crab meat.  We gringos guessed the tab at $200 per person. The slow, tasteful pace of service, delivery and presentation kept this unending procession of small, exotic items from revealing itself as the raw, unbridled gluttony it actually was.

       At 5:30 p.m., the newcomer, the office manager and I arrived. The eatery closes at 10:00 PM. We rolled out (literally) around 10:15 PM.  Afterwards, I drove them to the BART (subway) station, floating into my driveway, semi-comatose, at 11:30 PM.

        I had told my wife I would be home by 8:00 PM.  When I arrived, she asked how it was.  I responded, “Sheer, raw, torture!” In retrospect I see that was totally incorrect. Here is why.

“Still, we may hesitate to accept an unpleasant reality because we feel that by accepting, we condone something that is intolerable. But this is not the case.  Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation.   It means accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it. Acceptance can be empowering, because it makes choice possible.”

       These folks work their tails off.  They labor 12 hour days, year round.  A fine meal with colleagues, celebrating the end of the year was understandable. Acknowledging everyone's hard work is acceptable and thoughtful, considerate, even. 

         Spending much time together, weathering the periodic tsunami’s associated with selling fresh seafood imported daily, from around the globe, draws my co-workers and I together,  like a second family.  No one is getting rich at this company. Splurging on a world class meal once a year is not outrageous.

        I knew I should be there, thus, my attendance.  I went, ate, drank sparingly, smiled, engaged others and survived the night. What did I learn? 

1. Once I am aware of a reality, and accept what I must do, it moves me to  take proper action.  I can throw myself into the experience with passion, wisdom and “grace toward myself.”
2. I learned to “take what I need (can use) and leave the rest.” Letting go of expectations, placing them firmly in the hands of the God of my understanding.

3. The importance of dying to my old curmudgeon self. Eliminating the regretful, complaining, conditional investor. If I give of myself freely----my time, energy and heart----and forget what I’ve given, even forget that I’ve given, it returns to me ten-fold. It lowers my nature to resist against the eventualities of life. I surf with them, instead.    

       Back at the office, the next day, I shared my experience with a colleague who didn't attend.  He provided perspective, “You should be grateful or even honored that you were invited! If you had NOT even been invited in the first place…now THAT would suck!” Bottom-lining it for me was refreshing indeed!

“I will give myself time to accept my situation before I act. Unforeseen options can become available when I accept what is.