Wednesday, August 27

Responding To An Emotional Vampire 8/27/14

This woman was arrested on June 26th for
 spraying poison in the face of a seven year 
old.  No, I wasn't sprayed with poison, but  you get 
an idea of the venom I encountered in Bakersfield. 
       Monday, after attending a conference in Las Vegas, I travelled home from Bakersfield.  While there, my companion filled up the car with gas,  I went inside the mini store at the gas station.  Ice was needed for the cooler.  One aisle had huge stuffed animals. They extended into the aisle, allowing only one person to pass through.

       I was going through that aisle when a woman came from another direction.

       "Back away!!!" she screamed.


        Her gruff manner came easily, without hesitation.  Her salty personality indicated she was accustomed to getting her way.  I understood why.  Ninety-six percent of all people are codependent.  Such individuals are easily flustered. They becoming apologetic, if someone snarls, spitting emotional venom their way, even if they haven't done anything wrong. This weather-faced woman---in her sixties---was good at intimidating.

       Only one problem. I am not codependent.  With a calm but steely look,  I stood still.  Peering into her eyes, I replied, "With that tone of voice, you'll have to back up.  I'm not."

       She scooted back, letting me pass.

       When it was her turn to pass down the aisle, she muttered a stage whisper, "Jesus!!"  A cloud of anger enveloping her.  Fortunately, the over-stuffed elephants and bears between her and me had no feelings.  Like me, they were not triggered by her wrath.

       I turned towards her, caught the woman's eye and with a gentle smile said, "Thank you for respecting me.  Thank you for calling me Jesus."

      She stared at me as if she was a Democrat in the presence of George W. Bush.  She looked me up and down, then shrugged her body, doing a backstep, almost in terror.  And it wasn't because she saw the gleam on my machete, because there wasn't one.

      I turned around paid $1.69 for the bag of ice and returned to my car.

My Gratitudes:
1.  I am thankful for the joy of being present.  When we are present with angry people, we don't react.  Emotional vampires are unable to sink their fangs into the neck of our insecurities. When the bells and whistles of our vulnerable self gets triggered, we are not present.
2.  I am glad the woman did not have a gun in her car.
3.  I am grateful realizing that bad things do not happen to bad people.  Bad things happen to very nice people because there are unkind emotional predators out in the world. Ninety-six percent of the time, they get away with victimizing others.

     Not this time.  Her behavior was a statement about her, not me.

How About You?
Who have you had to stand up to, recently? 


Anonymous said...

Pablo, you sound like your describing me.Whenever I run into someone intimidating like the woman in your article, I always back down and get flustered.

I want to learn how to be present and speak my truth.

Jane G. Yorkshire

Pablo said...

Dear Jane,
For everyone of your comments I am replying. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.

I am hearing you say that you can get caught off guard when dealing with less than pleasant people. What do you think you need to do in order to be present and have the courage to speak up, when with a bully? What might help you?

I am curious to hear your answer.

The Innkeeper

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.