Wednesday, August 6

Being Loved, Revealing Feelings, Not Concealing Them With Judgments ................. 8/6/14

Happiness surrounds us, if we
but look for it. It isn't so much
 that unhappy people complain.
It is that complaining makes
 us unhappy. 
      Wow.  I am happy, loved.   The second part happened today.  I received  huge gifts today.  The best of the entire year.  I am thrilled in every possible way.

     After writing Tuesday's post, I studied six hours---all of it involved writing---preparing for a 10:30 a.m. meeting.  Out of it was birthed new material. I shall share it here.  I went to bed at 6:20 a.m., this morning, sleeping four hours.  I'm fine.   Refreshed really.  This happens when I find my life expanding---reaching into new valleys of joy I never knew existed.

     However, my head is
swirling.  So much has happened.  I am emotionally intoxicated, in a good way.  Having a conversation that met more needs than a baseball team has baseballs, more satisfaction than when Carlos Santana buys a new guitar.

     AT&T is another story about my day.  My wifi is down, again.  The third time in three days.  I am using a hotspot created by my smartphone. On the other hand, the AT&T wifi operated during a lengthy Skype conversation had today.  Go figure.

My Gratitudes:
1.  I am happy with a relationship I have known for nearly two years.  Our conversations are magical, beyond my wildest dreams.  Closeness, emotional safety and nurturing is shared in an unparalleled way.
2.  This morning, I unveiled feelings in a letter.  Hurt, sad, confused, I was.  I revealed what was real, what was percolating inside me.  My feelings and wants.  Transparency is revealing ourselves, moving beyond pretense.  It alone creates trust, intimacy.

         I am perhaps the luckiest man in the world.  Most all of my friendship are marked with compassion, authenticity, patience and grace.  We train people how to treat us.  I am humbled that I have learned principles that allow for honesty when relating.  Not the brusque honesty that is insensitive.  No, not that.  That is being so assertive that we are a you-know-what.

         Using judgments is tragic.  They are form of dishonest honesty.   When slinging them out at those who trouble us, we conceal our needs, not expressing them.  Example: "You need to get organized at work, you are spending too much time there."  That was a big time judgment.  The problem?  This: "I am hurt and sad because you spend more time at work than being with me."  That is really what the fellow or gal was feeling.  But s/he was unable to be vulnerable, so s/he judged instead.

       Judgments are a form of manipulation, trying to use intimidation to get someone to comply.  It breeds distrust, distance.   If I had done that in this morning's letter, I would not be expressing what I feel or want.   I did not conceal my emotions by attacking, using veiled criticism or "helpful suggestions."

         It was satisfying, self-expressing in the letter I sent out at 5:57 a.m, today.  The response I got was even better.  My relationship with that person got better, it moved from very good to excellent.  Can't beat that.  To use a James Brown title, it was Going On Up.

3.    I love cooperating with others. This is likely when I am present, revealing what I feel and want.  This is preferred to being manipulative, using blame to have my needs met.

       There is no value in being controlling, or judgmental.  Such behavior is dishonest.  We use aggressive words to control outcomes instead of expressing our needs and feelings while being transparent.

4. Someone was kind beyond all measure, communicating with an honesty I cherish.  I love when someone's life is congruent with their values. Nothing is better than being on the same page, emotionally, with another.  I enjoy the harmony and bonding I have with this friend.
5.  I played guitar with someone new, for the second week.  We went at it, after I was done seeing a client today.
6.  I am making plans to travel abroad.  Can't wait.  It is great having an adventure, I love discovering new places.
7.  Someone sent me a letter, speaking in metaphors. Totally great.  That is my language.  It uplifts my spirit, being with a friend who shares similar values, connecting at the root level.
8.  Life is great.  I am in harmony.  My inner and outer selves are congruent.  I am loved, cherished. I have my voice, but now know how to be assertive---with compassion---not being obnoxious when I am troubled.
9. I love the kisses I am receiving from a loving, gentle, caring God.

How About You? 

What are you happy about?  What makes your soul sing?  Please share. 

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.