Monday, April 21

Authenticity, The Stuff of Intimacy...... 4/21/14

    I am one happy guy.  Sunday was great.  Better than great.  Present, I was, free of expectations when spending time early in the morning with a loved one.  Former patterned ways I used to protect myself when younger were discarded.  Relating as I did gave me the strength to
deal with what is really going on, in our conversation.

     On top of that, I experienced two miracles this weekend.  Big ones.  Yep, I did.  More about that in a future post.

     I was busy Sunday afternoon.  And sweaty.  Busy moving things around.  I crashed, sleeping four hours, from 7-11 p.m.  Upon awakening, I worked around the house until 4:30 a.m., then dozed for three  more hours.

     Today, I worked from 11:00-9:30 p.m.  Tomorrow is crowded with appointments, one with a new client, which is always interesting.  But, back to yesterday.

      One surprise about life is that we need to experience discomfort, if we want intimacy, an in-depth, vibrant relationship with another.  We have to get past our comfort zone.  Communicating our dreams and values with another, including those areas where we disagree, allows a bonding that doesn't happen when we are evasive or ignore areas where we differ.  Inauthentic relating is unappealing.  Nor will such a friendship endure.

      Surface fluff does not sustain any relationship.

      Sometimes friendships soar through the turbulent cloud bank of a stormy issue.  Communicating compassionately, while piloting into the clearing of a mutual understanding, draws us nearer.  We appreciate one another----understanding each person's uniqueness, values and needs.

      Not allowing the clouds of fear, nervousness or feeling uneasy to motivate us to present our false selves allows us to be present when with another.  This only happens when we are comfortable in our own skin, relaxed. The cloud bank of needing to impress or worrying about the outcome of our time with another dissipates.

       The scene has more clarity when we are, present---feeling and sensing ourselves, and our surroundings, in the here and now. That is hard to do, if I'm trying to impress the other person or worried what the other person thinks of me.

It is through approaching turbulence, facing discomfort, embracing it, that the relationship draws closer.  We are travelling beyond artifice, arriving at the landing strip of a better understanding and appreciation of one another.


      Yesterday, I was tortured, in a good way.  I enjoyed a loved one's whimsical humor and was teased.  All good, a nice change for someone who engages in intense conversations in my work.

       While with this person I asked a question.  The reply I did not like.  I respected it, but disagreed.  I shared my answer to the same question.  I am glad I did.  What I said sparked a response that helped me better understand my dear friend.

My Gratitudes:
1.  I appreciate the serenity I enjoy when I don't try analyze everything.  I am thankful for the ease and peace of mind I have when I do my best and leave the results in God's hands.
2.  I love humor. It helps me relax. It gives me perspective.
3.  I enjoy authentic times with others.  I am happy that I know how to connect with the needs of others, realizing that in any friendship, it is bigger than me. I want to consider what is best for us, not just what I want.
4.  This year is the best year in my life.
5.  I appreciate each of you who drop by.  Really.

How About You?
What are your three gratitudes for today?  Please let me hear them.  Thanks!

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.