Friday, April 18

Calmness In the Eye of the Storm, Part II, Revisited 4/18/14

     Innkeeper's note:  I'm bushed.  I'm bumping this up.  I wrote this last year.  Some of you were not acquainted with this inn, then. Here it is:                                                     
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      The past few months have been inspiring, a time of characterological growth.  Its been a season where I've seen the value of
nurturing the formerly wounded child that once dominated my emotions whenever I felt threatened.

      This summer, during intense negative circumstances, I had equanimity.

       What a change.

       I enjoy peace in areas that once were fraught with fear, especially regions that normally pull on the scabs of traumatic youthful experiences.  Now, an affirming love fills a void once occupied by apprehension.  My emotional vitality is the fruit of rigorous, disciplined hard work in emotionally unpleasant areas for more than ten years.

        In that time, I've planted, grew and nurtured healthy relationships. Them developing as I sprinkled the seeds of adhering to boundaries and principles.  The harvest of emotional ease and safety, knowing closeness and delighting in authentic, close, caring relationships allowed intimacy of the soul that few know.

        Soul sickness that was once plagued me has been replaced by a love bank overflowing with the support received by my Balcony People.   It was a relief, being delivered from the mental and emotional disease of codependency, knowing freedom from narcissists and emotional bullies, the result of an improved people picker, also known as character discernment.

        Emotional maturity is marvelous. It makes me the happy guy I am.  Love, received from God, and the loving community of my family and friends----and I'm not talking about Facebook quality friends, but Balcony People----provides emotional stability, serenity and safety.  With the strength of having my needs met I am able to push through arduous, emotionally taxing times, enjoying a peace of mind that transcends my circumstances.

       Something else has helped, too.  I'm taking care of me.  I make it a point to nurture and strengthen my soul.  It's disturbing how frequently conditional love is doled out by parents----"if you jump through hoops---- perform "well"----we'll approve of you."  Sadly, this is the experience of many, growing up. It was mine.

        Doing well in school, sports, playing a musical instrument, success---in whatever way a parent considered "well"----was necessary, for a child to be praised.  Scarring is this mentality.  Children absorb it, carrying unhealthy beliefs into adulthood, conditioned to constantly seek the approval of others.  Many are culturally coerced into this form of codependency, trained to be externally referented.  Yes, that is a word.  For more about this subject, please read here.

      Children, or anybody, should not be treated like little monkeys wearing flat-topped caps who must dance the dance of performance, before the organ grinder of life feeds them peanuts of praise.

      I'm thrilled my sons received a different legacy.  They are loved simply because of who they are.  That's it.  If they never accomplish anything---my love for them would not diminish, the same holds true for friends.  They are loved for who they are, frailties, faults and all, not just the positive attributes they don when in public.

      My sons are cherished unconditionally.  The bond shared with them is my most treasured earthly privilege, along with the relationship I have with God.

      I know a gracious, empowering and forgiving God. I'm thankful for my walk with Him, without it, I would not be me.

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       Those on a boat, overwhelmed by the severe tossing of a hellacious storm, have two responses--- be agitated, distracted, and panic, or keep their cool, and do what's necessary to make it to shore.

        Who do you think will be most successful in overcoming the situation?  You are right, the one who keeps his wits. This summer, that's been my response when engulfed by upsetting circumstances that forcefully foisted themselves upon my psyche and feelings.

        My mantra during difficult seasons of life has been, "Don't think.  Just place one foot in front of the other."  It works.  Am I glad.  I accomplish more than I believe possible, when I persevere instead of perseverating.

        I am patient towards my limitations and characterological areas needing help.  When I'm gentle towards myself, challenges are overcome.  I focus on healthy alternatives that transcend vulnerabilities and negative behaviors that once defeated me.

        Ya ay!

        It feels good, being loved, supported and undergirded.  It's terrific, finding a safe harbor, moving beyond the rough seas of life that once disturbed my serenity and joy.

My Gratitudes
1. I cycled, did errands and shopped, getting things that will make my life better. Can't beat that.
2. I napped. I was in HALT and halted. I respected and was gentle towards myself.
3. I love priorities and the order they create.  They help me to focus on action that will produce the greatest bang for the time I invest.
4. I studied, something I love doing.  Preparing for my times with clients enriches me, too.
5. I heard an inspiring message from a excellent speaker.  I enjoy being challenged.

How About You?
Are you finding yourself at peace with yourself?  If so, what helps you to know tranquility?

2 comments:

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

On this Saturday night, as the fog rolls in off the San Francisco Bay, I am grateful for..

1. Pharrell Williams song "Happy," as sung on YouTube video's from around the world, and to see him (and Oprah) moved to tears on her show, watching how his simple song struck such a deep chord in the hearts (and feet!) of millions across our troubled globe! To witness music from heaven covering the world and touching so many is pure magic. Maybe, just maybe, music can bring world peace? IMAGINE!

2. Catching yet another film with our son, called "Transcendence," with Johnny Depp. Thought provoking.

3. A welcome respite from the intensity of this cyber-thriller...exhaling and unwinding with a couple more episodes of good, old British, low-key, dramatic, period realism in "Downton Abbey."

4. The joyous culmination of Easter Week, with the celebration of Jesus Resurrection tomorrow, at a local sunrise service.

5. A genuine day of agenda-free peace tomorrow; a simple Easter celebration with family and friends.

DINA TOYODA said...

Yes, loving children just because they exist is a given. I have a question, though: many times in a conversation about my children you urged me to expect things from them, so that I will not "infantalize" them. You said to push them to action, otherwise they should be out of the house. I agree with your opinion, but how does it correspond to your words of loving kids "just because"? OK, I know that, love can be tough, but, my point is: if we tell children to shape up "or else", doesn't it mean TO THEM that we will love them only if they do what we want?

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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