Wednesday, April 16

Resisting The Investment Necessary for Healing and Growth.............. ...................4/16/14

      Good morning.  This post reaches you earlier than normal.  The past week has been different.  I don't quite understand it all, but that is okay.  Reality is not limited to what I compre-hend nor is it necessarily based solely on my perceptions.

      I try making sense of what has been surfacing in my life lately.  To cope when living is a blur, I breathe deeply.  I do the next right step.  I connect with the
God of my understanding.  Slowing down, making time for me, using the spiritual disciplines of prayer and meditation helps a lot.

     Thanks for dropping by.  This place is not so lonely, when you visit.  There have been over 11,450 views to rooms of this inn for first half of this month.


       I work with many who know depression rather intimately.  Usually within their souls are ideals that aren't.  As children, and even when not so young, they were forced to swallow toxic values that poisoned them.  Their optimism and strength were constantly barraged to the point that now, that the throat of any semblance of a healthy self lies beneath the tyrannical foot of codependency.

      Derision motivates many clients to surrender any sense of independence or dignity.  When as children they expressed disagreement or negative feelings, they were told, "you are being difficult," or words I will not print here, if not slapped, beaten or timed out for insubordination.

      Many of us, as children were coerced into submission.  For some, if they expressed their voice, their parents raged.  Those responsible for them, screamed, hurling invectives, emotional knives that to this day remain stuck within their minds and hearts.

      Physical violence was played out in different way.  Many children witnessed parents acting out---as big children---their frustrations and insecurities upon them, or objects.  At a young age, they were unable to psychologically or emotionally detach from the abuse they endured and the anger took in.  For most, they took it personally.

      This is where the Law of Eligibility comes to play.  It states that bad things happen to bad people. Applying this law, many confused, defenseless children absorb the blame dumped upon them, contributing to their depression and low self-esteem.

      There is only one thing wrong with this law.  It is a fallacy.  Bad things happen to good, lovable people because there are severely wounded people in the world who act out their pain and frustrations.  The torment that abused children (and adults) experience is a statement about the victimizer, not the victim, even though the abuser convinces the one mistreated they are to blame.


      A basic right of all humans is to be treated with dignity and respect.


      Many of those I work with remain stuck, living within their head. It was their source for solace, while growing up in a home that had less than ideal behavior.  What a curse that is.

      Our mind will never heal our damaged emotions. Never. This is where somatic therapy, being in our body, and healing the raw edges of our feelings will bring us the sanity and serenity we seek.  I'll write more about this in another post. What I write today is enough. My best for today is good enough.  (Courage to Change, p 9)
"Our mind is a dangerous place for us to travel alone."
       I am thankful for feeling the enormity of my feelings, without being overwhelmed by them.  I rejoice that I resist the temptation to get sucked within the vortex of mind, the internet and smart devices.  The latter could easily isolate me from others, as happens to many, nowadays.

      Instead, today I celebrated life.  I shared poetry I wrote with a librarian.  I chiseled away at the beginnings of a new poem.  Enjoying the richness of words and sounds and cadences allowed me to imbibe the wine of creativity.

      One client was challenged.  He dwells within a world of passivity.  He wants to die young, not believing he will live more than another ten years, even though he is in his early sixties.  He admits he has not ever really lived.

       I asked if on his death bed, he would want to think of how he could have been more codependent with others.  He said no.  But, I pointed out, that is how he lives his life now, and has for the past fifty-five years.

      With another, we looked at the etiology of the shutdown of her emotions. (It happened during her adolescence.)

      Today, several hours were spent writing, preparing for future sessions and working on growing my business.  Very little would have been accomplished if I was externally referented.  With today's clients I faced resistance.  That is expected.  I challenged them to move away from their default modes.

     The reason people seek my services is that they realize their best thinking and behavior brought them the despair that radiates to their core.  Something needs improvement, they acknowledge.  We can't have the life we want by remaining the way we are.

       Yet, until they get it---understand recovery---they usually fight the hard work, the investment necessary to enjoy tranquility, peace of mind and emotional safety.  They have not learned yet how to place principles above their default modes---their personality.

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.