Monday, April 7

Emotional Resiliency, The Conclusion......... 4/7/14

     Tonight, this is the fifth and last posting on emotional resilient people.  For links to the previous four postings on this subject, where you will get more detail on each of these qualities, please click here.  A brief review of the previous eleven.

1.  Resilient people know their boundaries and are clear about who they are.  They do not live in vagueness. They know their must haves and can't stands, what they will and will not tolerate.
2.  They see the Big Picture. They are not externally referented, they don't let others trigger them or determine their worth.
3.  They cultivate self-awareness.  They realize they are not what
happens to them.  Experiencing abuse is a statement about the victimizer, not the victim.
4.  They keep good company, they have Balcony People.
    For qualities you want to consider when developing your Balcony People, read this.
5.  They are mindful.

      People who can handle life's challenges with equanimity are not distracted by the common ways of coping with stress and trauma, i.e., iPhones, the internet, drugs, overeating, T.V., you name it.  They know their limitations, too.  There is only one God, and they are not it.

       In recovery, Step 11 makes mindfulness possible.  This can be learned,even if you are not in recovery.  That relates to quality number six.......
6.  They realize their limitations and avail themselves of other resources/people.
7. Emotionally resilient people exercise acceptance, especially towards themselves.  This is not acceptance with passivity or resignation.

8.  Resilient people realize they don't have all the answers.  They acknowledge their limitations.  They don't live a Lone Ranger lifestyle, going it alone.

9.  Resilient people operate by action steps.
 They use S.M.A.R.T. goals. They diligently remain in the  solution.  They are not passive.
10. Not only do they not live in isolation, they do the exact opposite.  They enlist their team, their supportive network.  I did this recently with Carl, and "Zelda," in a recent time in need.  It is amazingly encouraging receiving loving support from others, especially when I feel vulnerable.
"Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."          Mother Teresa
     This amazing woman should know, having worked among the most poor people on earth.

     I can't tell you how many blogs implode over time.  A person has a head of steam when they start and eventually their blog peters out.  Why?  Because there was a lack of authenticity, being present, truly relating with their readers.

     The blogger often appeared calmer than he really was.  He was handling life without letting others know his struggles and areas of discomfort.  Operating in isolation.  Living this way will not last.
11. Emotionally resilient people are flexible. See this post for more on this point.
     Drum roll, please.  So, now the final characteristic that contributes towards resiliency.  Those who can surf with life's circumstances, and adapt to life's challenges ....

12.  They get out of their heads.  They empty out what is percolating within them.  They get their issues out on paper.  Expressive writing helps us do that, providing clarity.

     Emotionally resilient people stay present. There many ways of doing this, besides writing.  Going for a walk, baking a cake, doing volunteer work, doing the wash or scrubbing the shower stall are some ways others stay in the present.   See Creating a Better Today for other ideas.

How About You? 
What helps you to be resilient?  Please share your experience, strength and hope!
            May you have a great and grateful day.  I know I will!

1 comment:

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

Thank you for your post on Resilient People. Much rich content to ponder and its very relevant application to our daily lives.

On this Tuesday night, I am grateful for;

1. A break in routine over the weekend with a lovely, recently greened by the spring rain, 2 hour, 100 mile trip to our friends renovated home near Lake Beryessa and the oft overlooked Pope Valley Wine Country.

2. A would-be work-related, Monday (day-off) calamity that evolved into "not that bad." A chef placed an order via text on Sunday night, but we had no cell service for 24 hours. By God's Grace and Blessings, we're all back on track, and all's well that ends well.

3. Serendipitously bumping into a significant chef/friend at a popular burger joint in Napa, on both of our days off; sweet and touching!

4. Being able to hit the mute button on the remote (which I absoluteley LOVE!!!), sit, listen empathically and not react, as a loved one unloads concerns and frustrations from the day, and then stroll into my office, catch up on Pablo's blog a bit, and do this! Now that my dear friends is recovery!

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.