Friday, May 30

Joy Transcending Difficult Circumstances , Dodging an Angry Bull, Part II

       "I feel you are not supporting me."   Here it began.  Love apples were present. They are the faint smile I had while we having our conversation.

        "That's not a feeling,"  I said. "That is a judgment, a faux feeling."

        "Well, that's how I feel." he insisted.  The fun commenced. Welcome to

        "Your comments are more a statement of your perception of my behavior than a statement of feelings.  A feeling is, 'I am annoyed, irritated, sad, lonely,' " I said.  This is a basic non-violent communication principle.

       "Isn't it good I learned I have Asperger's?  It explains my behavior."  He intently looked for signs I agreed.

       "Diagnosing your personality presents a problem.  It is speculation," I replied.

       "I feel better about myself because of it.  I believe it is true," he said.

       "I rather focus on applying healthy alternatives to your anger, self-loathing and depression. Focusing on your problems makes them only more overwhelming and disturbing. Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny.

  We want to move forward. "

       "That's all you say. Slogans."
        This was an opportunity to practice patience and give grace.

         Looking up at me, he had been staring at the floor, he said, "If I have Asperger's it explains who I am, why I don't get along with others. My problems are not my fault.

      " I never said this to any other counselor.  This is progress.  I am disappointed you are not acknowledging my perception of reality.

     "You are not listening to me. You are not being supportive. "

        "I am uncomfortable with your comments.  You don't know what's going on inside me, and you are judging again."  I said softly, while steadily looking into his eyes.

         I don't let others define me.

        This client is an exception.  No one else treats me this way.  Moments like these are rain clouds.  Rain is good.  The conversation provided a stark contrast to the sunny spring-like sessions enjoyed with others. My session with this fellow helps me to enjoy my time them even more.

       People can't get your goat if you don't let them know where it is tied.

My Gratitudes:
1. A client stood me up today. Five minutes after we were to meet, I received a text.  He was going to call me.

     He did not.

     I am glad for equanimity. The unexpected free time late in the afternoon was a welcome respite.  God works all things together for good.

     Today's schedule was loaded as it was.  I was meeting with two more clients, after this appointment. The free time allowed me to catch my breath.

2.  I am happy for having a full love bank.  Tbis is a result of keeping good company.  When relating with difficult others, as in above, the love I receive from others helps me maintain the joy I know.
3.  Plans I had in place for the past  five weeks evaporated.  Leaving me in the lurch.  What's good about that?

    It reminds me I am not my circumstances. I am reminded that my Higher Power can do for me what I can't do for myself.

      I love having serenity in spite of my circumstances. A gift of recovery is having peace of mind even when severely challenged. We learn how to respond and not live reactively.

We Are mindful that a good outcome is just as likely as a negative one. We realize the loudest voice, our feelings, is not necessarily the truest.

How About You?
What are three things that make you happy?

No comments:

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.