Friday, May 30

Joy Transcending Difficult Circumstances , Dodging an Angry Bull, Part II

       "I feel you are not supporting me."   Here it began.  Love apples were present. I had a faint smile while he spoke.

        "That's not a feeling,"  I said. "That is a judgment, a faux feeling."

        "Well, that's how I feel." he insisted.  The fun commenced. Welcome to

        "That is more a statement of your perception of my behavior than a statement of a feeling.  A feeling is, 'I am annoyed, irritated, sad, lonely,'  " I reminded.  This is a basic non-violent communication principle.

       "Isn't it good I learned I have Asperger's?  It explains my behavior."  He intently looked for signs that I agreed.

       "Diagnosing your own personality presents a problem.  It is speculation," I replied.

       "I feel better about myself.  I believe it is true," he said.

       " I rather focus on applying healthy alternatives to your anger, self-loathing and depression. Focusing on your problems makes them only more overwhelming and disturbing. Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny.  We want to move forward. "

       "That's all you say. Slogans."
        An opportunity to practice patience and give grace.

         Looking up at me, while facing the floor, he said, "If I have Asperger's it explains who I am. My problems are not my fault.  I never said this to any other counselor.  This is progress.  I am disappointed you are not acknowledging my perception of reality.  You are not listening to me. You are not being supportive. "

        "I am uncomfortable with your comments.  You don't know what's going on inside me, and you are judging again."  I said with softly, while steadily looking into his eyes.

         I don't let others define me.

        This client is an exception.  No one else treats me this way.  Moments like these are rain clouds.  Rain is good.  The conversation provided a stark contrast to the sunny spring-like sessions enjoyed with others, allowing me to enjoy them even more.  Come on, I am the Attitude of Gratitude guy.  You know that.  I even have my cape and tights on, as I type.

              People can't get your goat if you don't let them know where it is tied.

My Gratitudes:
1. A client stood me up today. Five minutes after we were to meet, I received a text.  He was going to call me soon.  The situation was an opportunity to express my voice.  Calmly, I texted him a 24 hour notice is necessary if he needs to make a change in the schedule, there was a need to respect my time.

     He did not call.

     I am glad my equanimity was not affected. The unexpected free time late in the afternoon was a welcome respite.  God works all things together for good.  Today's schedule was loaded as it was.  I was meeting with two more clients, after this appointment. The free time allowed me to breathe.

2.  I am that my love bank is full.  Thank God for keeping good company.  When relating with difficult others, as in above, the joy that I have the world can't take it away.
3.  Plans I had in place for the past  five weeks evaporated.  Leaving my welfare in the lurch.  What's good about that?  Knowing I am not my circumstances, awareness that my Higher Power can do for me what I can't do for myself.

      I love enjoying serenity in the midst of disappointment, betrayal, enduring false superficial friends.  It's a gift of recovery that I have peace of mind even when severely challenged.

How About You?
What are three things that make you happy?

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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.