I had a margarita tonight. You'll find out why. I don't care for drama, almost despising it. If we want it, see a movie. That way, afterwards, we go home, leaving the theatrics at the moviehouse, not taking it with us. Such was not the case this weekend.
Many are drama junkies. I am not. We can easily get high on tension and conflict as an alcoholic does with a drink. It is our fix. We are accustomed to it, our
normalcy. This weekend was crazy, testing and exhausting.
I made arrangements six weeks ago. It was an amazing and unexpected source of relief. Life was falling in place----better than expected. The inspiration that prompted the improvements was a result of being resourceful, creative and having a good memory.
Thursday, I received a phone call. The deal was not to be. Three days before it was to happen. Today. Stunned by the thunderclap of the abrupt change, I was. Reeling. Confused. Angry. Yes, I, the Attitude of Gratitude guy was angry.
Twenty minutes later, I received a second call from the bearer of bad news.
"Have you called so-and-so? Maybe things will work out."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I am in shock. Most people cannot speak when they are in shock," I replied.
Years ago, I reacted to the prodding of controlling, dramatic people, like this guy. I would please them. I would allow the drama of a situation to make me vulnerable, moving me into frenzied action. I would mistake activity for accomplishment. No more. I know better.
"I am processing what you told me. I will call when I am ready. Right now, I need to take care of me," I said.
And I did.
I called one from my supportive community. She was all ears. I knew I could count on that. Voicing what was alive within me sorted out the maelstrom of catastrophic ideas and negative feelings----the results of being emotionally and situationally sucker punched.
I'll finish this later. Right now, I need rest. I have a busy day tomorrow. Oh, how do I feel now? Better. But, I still do not like how I was treated. This is life, however.
I may not be able to control my circumstances, but I can do what it takes to take care of me. In times of crisis, rest, nutritious meals, slowing down and having Quiet Time, is essential. During this season of distress I need to be at my strongest. That won't happen if I allow drama to distract me from taking care of my needs, emotional, spiritual and physical.
My head is splitting. But all is well. I realize I am in Step One. My life is unmanageable. But that's okay. What to do, I know. I am not God. I'll let God be God. I will do my best and leave the results up to Him. It works every time.
"All times are good times, if we but know what to do with them." Bertrand Russel
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1 comment:
Dear Innkeeper,
Nutritional meals, exercise, and quiet time are essential. I can relate to your happenings. I had a similar weekend. Hoping for things to go my way is futile. It's purely egoic. It's not easy, when one is caught in a whirlwind of frustration and hurt. It seems like life is a sequence of events to "get through." Where is the connection? I ask myself this every day.
I think you're right Pablo. We as people who serve others must take extra cautious inventory of our on needs. Lately I've been literally listening to my physical heart and becoming more aware of my vitality. It's helped a little.
The universe is always kind. Perhaps it is moving you on to bigger and better things.
I feel your pain. I'm sorry. I pray that we learn to live more fully in God's grace and to remind ourselves that we are still amazing in God's eyes and to others.
I'm praying for you.
Sincerely,
a vulnerable Superman :)
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