Hara Estroff Marano, Editor-at-large for Psychology Today, wrote in "The Art of Resilience"
Yes, there is hope. What I wrote yesterday, and tonight, are strategies for overcoming the overwhelming seasons in our life.Resilient people do not let
adversity define them. They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs. It's possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent. It's possible to fortify your psyche. It's possible to develop a sense of mastery.
Yesterday, I mentioned those who have it know the value of:
1. Boundaries. Resilient people do not let others or circumstances dictate their moods. They clearly know who they are. Stress might play a part in their story but it does not overtake their permanent identity. We are not what happens to us.
2. Seeing the Big Picture: present persistent pressures do not narrow their vision. They stand back, looking at the steps necessary to remedy the situation.
3. Thirdly I wrote that emotionally stable people are clear about their identity: they are not what happens to them. Equanimity is about perspective. Our circumstances will fluctuate, but we don't. We learn how to surf, not fight the waves tossed our way.
Continuing where I left off, emotionally resilient individuals:
4. Keep good company. They surround themselves with emotionally mature others. Balcony People give us the space to grieve and work through what troubles us without chiding us and giving advice. A good support network involves braided relationships that undergird us during times of trouble. While a chain is as strong as its weakest link, a rope is as strong as its strongest strand.
When we emotionally or situationally fall apart, the strands of good company hold us together. We were meant for bonding.
5. Emotionally resilient people know what they need to do more of, less of, what to stop doing and what to continue doing. This requires making time to do an inventory, usually the last thing on our mind when in crisis.
Key is knowing our vulnerabilities. And admission of our weaknesses is a sign of strength, rather weakness, to paraphrase Goethe. "Pride goes before the fall," the saying goes. Same is true with we operate as a Lone Ranger.
I look forward to your visits. I'll see you Thursday, which is very special day for this inn. I'll tell you why, tomorrow.
May you have a great and grateful day!
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4 comments:
I think keeping good company is extremely important! The importance of surrounding ourselves with people who life us up and make us feel good about ourselves cannot be overemphasized.
Sometimes I think, I am too resilient. It's not normal to quickly recover from some things that I experienced, but there I was, plugging away. Of course, I might've not really recovered but chose to get up and push forward. maybe, it's good to fall apart sometimes, to affirm one's humanity.
Keith,
Thank you for dropping by. I agree. We want to keep good company. We are the average of the five people we hang out with.
I'm thankful for character discernment. It saves me from relationships that would deplete me of the joy and serenity I have.
I appreciate your comment!
Dear Dina,
It is wonderful seeing you here. Sometimes codependency can be masked as resiliency.
Are we taking care of ourselves,when we are pushing on? In what I wrote above, I refer to emotional resiliency and character strength, bouncing back from life's challenges. Not allowing a defeatist attitude to overcome us.
Yes, however, when the rug is pulled from beneath us, it is often time to slow down, gain our focus---including checking in what God is saying to us---and slow down. This is what Step 11 is all about, in recovery.
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