My Gratitudes for Saturday:
1. I had a lesson taught me today. I'll share more about it tomorrow.2. I received wonderful support from two friends (named) Ann(e)
3. I exercised today. I'm glad I did so.
4. I'm continually grateful for character
discernment.
5. I look forward to visiting with friends tomorrow.
6. I took someone to lunch and then she turned around and treated me! Wow.
7. I'm glad my reaction time is getting quicker. What is unacceptable I'm able to detect more quickly. It spares me much grief and allows me to surround myself with emotionally healthier, happier, positive people.
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4 comments:
I recently had a conversation with an aquaintance who was uncomfortable with our relationship. I was more than willing to have a dignified conversation to hear what they were upset with me about. My mistake was they were not a friend and I thought they were. Discerenment of character is an area I am struggling with in my life. I am learning from the grief that it is a very painful road to travel and ouch it hurts.
I am grateful for lessons but I am not anxious to get hurt again and would like to avoid it in the future.
One thing I have learned is to look at actions not words. Another area to look at is emotional availability. Ask yourself, is this person in touch with their feelings or are they just moving furniture around in the room of their life.
I don't need people in my life who discard me when my upholstery is torn. I want the kind of friends who take out the needle and thread and help me look new again after a disappointment or stressful life experience which has worn me out.
I am learning though and looking forward to making new friends.
Muse
Good evening Muse,
Thanks for dropping by on this special day. Today is the 11 month anniversary of this place.
Character discernment is critical. I'd suggest the book, "Safe People," it addresses this issue.
I hear what you are saying, that you are growing in your awareness. It also seems that you are coming to acceptance about the nature of some of your friends. It can be painful facing disappointment. But, what your disappointment is also telling you is that you are getting healthier. The disappointing issues you now notice in friends, you once did not see!
I've learned my life is more successful if I say what I need, make a request in order to get it, instead of talking about what I don't want. I find it's my job to reupholster my life, with God's help and that of my Balcony People. If I'm disappointed in others it is my job to deal with the disappointment.
Thanks for your commentary. I'd love hearing your three gratitudes, too.
The Innkeeper
Im staying away from triggers which I react emotionally to. With character discernment improving I am not getting involved with unhealthy others. There are still a few who frequent places I enjoy going to see other friends. Recently I visited a church and ran into a less than available man I used to date.
Part of the unhealthy self image I am working at shedding started to come to life. I sat in my car having a conversation with myself about what on earth I was thinking. I took time out to THINK and was astonished how aware I am of unhealthy thoughts I allowed into my mind. With those thoughts came a few emotions and feelings I was not happy about. My past is part of me but I no longer have to dwell on it and waste precious energy being a martyr.
The good part is I became aware of my thoughts and the road so often traveled which led nowhere. I am glad I am not the type of person who can easily act like I dont know a person I have dated for a few years. Their behavior is something I am not looking for in a friend which is what I would like a date to be. Before I allow myself to get close to someone emotionally I have to ask myself are they the type of person I would like to have as a friend. I am getting very pickey. I am not meeting many people as I did before but the ones I am meeting who are nice and pleasant feel awkward because I am not used to healthy people. This is a good thing since I know I am changing for the better. I can almost know intuitively if a person is safe or not now. I like the idea about introducing them to a friend you trust. Unsafe people probably dont want to meet your friends because they know they will be found out. Too bad, I cant keep moving everytime a bad guy comes into town.
But Im not going to beat myself up either because I relapsed into old behavior patterns. I get it now and can stop the thought process before it gets started. I am grateful for the little accomplishments I have made in the area of character discernment in my life. Muse
I am grateful I have more emotion that I was aware of before. I can appreciate beauty with greater scope than I did before. I am also more sensitive to relationships, I am no longer numb and able to tolerate the unacceptable. Yes, I am grateful and working hard to achieve a balance as old behavior patterns are replaced by new ones. If I stay in the solution as the past behaviors appear I am able to gently take myself aside and say "its ok sweetie".
Best wishes to all others in recovery from living in families with alcohol. Taking the first step is the beginning of an amazing journey. I have never been happier than I am today or experiencing the range of emotions possible to those who walk in God's light. I am grateful for the opportunity to share at the Inn of Gratitude, it has changed my life. Thank you Innkeeper. Muse
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