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| On this day I started a wonderful journey. |
major Spiritual Awakening. That was decades ago.
I remember what I wore (a plastic suit----I was sweating off some pounds, I had a wrestling match the next day), where I stood (on the third to the last bleacher before reaching the top, on the home side of the field), the cloud formations in the sky and the thoughts going through my head when I had this experience.
Truth be told, I was arrogant, though I didn't realize it, at the time. The amazing thing is that God condescended to my pride. Wow. What a loving, patient God, is He.
I recall the exact words I said, when I had this spiritual encounter:
I'm thankful for the Almighty's grace and tolerance with me. Distinctly, I remember what happened. A peace and transcendent joy was mine. It is the same kind of euphoria I have when I am transfixed by the beauty of nature. But it was deeper, richer and gentler. This experience has been mine----since that very day."God, I have a lot to lose if what I heard is true. I'm going to give you five minutes to enter into my life. If there is no change, I'll return to my former life, before I surrendered this life to you."
A lot has happened in the intervening time. All of it good, even though all of it was not good. Even in calamities, I've learned there are benefits. It's about perspective. I may not be thankful for difficult events or circumstances, but I can be thankful in them.
I would not be thankful for having my arm amputated. But I can be thankful, if that were to happen, that I could have greater sensitivity towards those with disabilities. (This is just an illustration----no, my arm has never been amputated.)
I'm glad for knowing a loving, caring, patient God, who delights in who I am and wants to help me become the person I want to be. And the person I desire to become is someone who has turned over his will and life over to God. In the recovery model this is Step 3.
Through prayer and meditation I increase my conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His----not my----Will, and the power to carry it out. (Step 11).
What has been the result of this decision I made when fourteen?
How about these benefits:
1. Joy. Peace. Equanimity----experiencing a transcending serenity in the midst of trials and a hope that triumphs over even negative circumstances. I've learned principles that allow me to perceive beyond my selfish tears. A faith that lets me know that the loudest voice----often my feelings----is not necessarily the truest. That feelings are simply that, they are not a prophecy.
Having perspective is greater than any other riches I can have. It is the source for solace, comfort and equanimity.
2. Knowing an emotional, mental and spiritual strength greater than anything I could muster, using my physical resources or wits alone.
3. I've known and continue to uncover dimensions to life that cannot be perceived by the mind alone, by reasoning.
4. Most importantly, my faith enables me to know a God who loves me. He embraced me through the provision he offers not only me, but all those who seek and yield to His Will."Unless a man is born again [spiritually] he can not see the kingdom of heaven [see from God's perspective----have spiritual vision, not just the afterlife]."
It's interesting. Many articulate they have faith, but they really don't. Faith is doing what takes faith. If we have it all mapped out, where is God, where is faith demonstrated in our efforts? If we are trying to control outcomes, our actions are more a matter of our own will and schemes and reveal not yielding the control of our lives to a loving God.
5. Ease.
Awareness that there is only one God and I am not it is liberating. I retired my cape. It's the result of connecting with my Higher Power----God as I know Him. Life now, does not depend solely upon my efforts and craftiness.
This understanding allows me to be gentle towards myself. I no longer need 25 hour days and 8 day weeks to accomplish what I think needs to be done. Thank God, literally. My best for today is good enough. I am NOT what I do. I have value simply because I am a son of the King of the Universe.
I lean on God. We are primarily spiritual. For more about this subject, you might want to read this. It's a good idea operating from this perspective.
How About You?
1. Can you describe your practice of prayer, meditation or quiet time?
2. Is there anything that is keeping you from realizing your powerlessness and your life's unmanageability?
3. How would you describe your present spiritual condition?
This is a day for which I am eternally grateful.
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10 comments:
Pablo, what a beautiful retrospective. Its so amazing that you can even remember what you wore. Also, I had no idea that you had lost your arm. I am so inspired, as always, by your positive attitude and spirit for life. I feel I am a better person for having discovered your blog.
Pablo,
You've expressed your feelings beautifully here...I feel I could connect to your thoughts and emotions in this post,for I've also had an experience that completely changed my perspective on things and made me who I am today.I guess sometimes we have to fall to appreciate the power of the wings given to us :)
Dear Keith,
Thanks for your comments. However, I want you to know that I have both of my arms. :-> (Take a peek at my post again.)
I am humbled by your last statement. I hope I can live up to respect you show for this inn. As I said a couple of weeks ago, my life in itself is not special.
But, I've found a cache of spiritual bread that is available to all. I'm just one beggar who is overjoyed to have found it.
I am touched by your visits and your encouragement. Thank you, for the positivity you bring to this place.
Also, I'd be honored to have you as a guest blogger. Would it be possible for you to write something for this place?
A curious innkeeper
Broken,
It's great knowing others who share the same experience. I look forward to your visits.
I wish you well with your studies and am grateful you drop by, read, and comment, even though you are very busy. Thank you.
I appreciate your comments!
Dear Innkeeper,
Thank you for sharing the epic story behind your today's "Spiritual Birthday!" Your's is an inspiring and informative journey that we can all learn much from...
This evening I am grateful for;
1. A gradual return to longer periods of sleep/rest/healing.
2. My first shower, shave and haircut (a spousal bonus)post-surgery.
3. As his "captive recuperating audience" (LOL), A long, animated, passionate-at-times and thought-provoking conversation with a dear friend/mentor, very applicable to better management of my own current relationships.
The key point; don't stand by passively allowing the abuse of silence, or non-reciprocity to stand because "the ball is now in her/his court!" We get what we tolerate, and train others how to treat us! By calling a sin of omission; silence in this case, as the abuse it is, and initiating (sometimes as a last resort) the healthy boundary of closure, I am being true to myself, placing principles of recovery above my own desire to "leave it be... path of least resistance."
Wow, what a simple yet profound revelation, relevant both to my relationships with my sons, and to a petulant clients email tonight. Never hesitate to allow another's unfolding story to be a coach-able moment; life lesson for you in your own work of recovery.
4. The kickoff segment last night of new Season 3 of PBS Masterpiece Theaters Downton Abbey; Early 20th Century, painful yet inevitable pre and post WWI right-sizing of the British Aristrocracy. Holds a unique place in the rarified stratosphere of brilliant, period-piece, television drama. Actors, script, setting, historical tensions re; changing times...all superb! Airs weekly on PBS on Sunday night at 9PM (check local listings)
5. To hear my #4 son with friends jamming a beautiful version of Phillip Phillips "Home" on guitar, piano, home made drum with girl harmony in the basement! Hopefully they will sing it at church this Sunday!
Wow I totally mis-read that paragraph :)
Dear Carl,
I'm glad you learned plenty from your mentor. I'm in agreement with you. Passivity is not being adult-like. Part of being an adult is expressing our voice, determining our values and adhering to them, regardless of the behavior of others.
I hope you are feeling better!
Keith,
You and I are both glad, that I'm intact, whole in body, that is.
I'd prefer any post that is new. It doesn't have to be long, but related to gratitude.
You can forward it to my e-mail address: pfnts@netscape.net. I'll take it from there. It would be terrific, having you as a guest blogger!
I look forward to your e-mail. Especially during this time, when I'm without a computer. (I'm at the library, right now.)
I struggle with my relationship with my higher power. It is a constant battle of doubt, mixed with the sublime and the hopeful. Reading this passage gave me a lot of inspiration and hop for my relationship with my higher power. I have spent the evening questioning and having anxiety about the term "GOD," and now my anxiety and been quelled, at least slightly. Thank you for your writings here.
Dear Anonymous,
I'm surprised you found this musty posting, written years ago. I'm glad you did and it inspired you. I value your visit.
Thank you, for your thoughts. One sign of emotional health is embracing multiple perspectives. You reflect that in what happens when thinking about your Higher Power.
We can visit through email if you want to talk about your relationship with the God of your understanding. I found when I encountered the gentleness, patience, and compassion of God, the Medieval mental concepts I had about Him disappeared.
Wishing more quelling for you,
The Innkeeper
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