past six months.
So, where am I? In the 1980's.
|Exactly what I have|
This heavy thing with a shoulder rest yanks me back to the wall, if I wander too far. It emits a sound not heard in years: a dial tone. Wow. Memories of yesteryear flood back, giving me an urge to wear polyester. Yesterday was the first time I used since it was installed, eleven months ago.
A friend I called, surprising her with the unrecognizable phone number. She told me what the number was. I had no clue, never calling my house. Now others have a number they can call, if I need them to reach me. Changed the greeting on my phone, letting others know I'm out of cell phone action for a week. (Long story.)
Truth Skill: Revising An Earlier Statement:
I really don't want to write this evening. I have something dearer and more important I want to focus on, a conversation. It will take place tomorrow, for several hours. In spite of recent inconveniences, I have a lightness of being. A burden that had weighed me down was tossed in the Sea of Forgetfulness. All because I revised an earlier statement.
A bully has been told where to go. Like a restaurant, I reserved the right to refuse service. An agreement made with this person I cancelled. Am I extremely glad.
We can learn to be flexible enough to change our minds and let someone know that our feelings have altered. We may notice we no longer feel something after we have expressed it. That was definitely the case for me. We may realize hours or days after we shared something that it was a lie, not true to what we really felt or wanted to do. We were violating our integrity, by going along with the agreement.
With this aggravating person I stood up, saying no, after originally saying yes. I did not want to say yes, then want to bite off my tongue because I caved in. I am happy for being true to my feelings, being in touch with my authentic self, even though this woman is disappointed. It is her job, not mine, to deal with her feelings. Thinking we are responsible for the feelings of others is codependency.
I cleared up with where I stood. She did not like my message. Tough. No desire to help are my feelings. She was abusive, the last time I was with her. I don't help foul word-spewing bullies. I reset the terms of our relationship. Being fair to me is an important boundary.
Many read books, always learning. But don't discover wisdom, applied learning. It is a form of shoe leather. It helps us walk the streets of life. It protects the soles of our souls from getting cut up by the broken glass of unsafe circumstances and people.
Wisdom provides discernment, protecting us from predators. The sickness of low self-esteem is healed by it. The desire to please unpleasant people and codependency is removed when we live by this character quality.
1. For being honest. It feels good. I breathe better when I am true to myself. It is a form of making amends to ourselves when we acknowledge our feelings and sensations, not ignoring them.
2. For a terrific conversation tomorrow. Can't wait.
3. For the silence of a broken phone and computer.
4. For the generosity of a friend who letting me use her computer. Thank you, Jane.
5. For tremendous lightness of being because I am saying what I mean, meaning what I say, but not saying meanly what I want and don't want.
6. For the multitude of comments I am receiving from you, my guests to this inn. Thank you, thank you, and thanks again.
7. For the relaxing power of calligraphy, something I have done for years. It is a form of meditation and allows me to do something that I enjoy immensely----appreciate the beauty of words as the calligraphy pen caresses paper.
This is all I can write tonight. I need rest. A big day is ahead of me. I'd appreciate your prayers.