Sensational Night, Not Swallowing the Bait of Blame Or Allowing Fear to Rule................. ...................5/30/15

       I am happy.

       Last night, I listened to a concert in San Jose, celebra-ting a special day.  It was a time of awe, tears, honesty, au-thenticity, openness, challenge and refreshment.  Balance was added, too.  In a way not experienced in

quite awhile. I cherish the memories the
evening created.

       On the way, my companion spoke about work. For forty-five minutes I received an enthusiastic report about what was done to

improve business. I plied questions, wanting to understand clearly the subject. I eventually mentioned I hadn't uttered a word about me.

      Remarkably, I was relaxed the whole trip. We drove thirty-five miles (56.33 km) in the middle of rush hour traffic. Still, I was serene, happy, even.  We would need a

parking spot in a town that doesn't have them. That would take time, rounding one up.

      We made it to the concert hall with eight seconds to spare. Even though I backed up my car four times, trying to get it properly placed in the rented parking spot. The whole time, my heart wasn't frantic. The value of recovery and staying present proved itself.

    Before leaving my home, I determined I would accept whatever outcome took place, in our journey to San Jose.  Google maps told me I would be twenty minutes late because of the traffic.  I prayed for calmness, peace of mind, before launching from San Leandro.  God answers prayer.

      What a difference a non-frantic perspective makes. Am I glad.  Yesterday, I had no need for drama, especially when I wanted to enjoy the occasion.

Gratitudes: 
1.  The music was heavenly, moving me tears. Had no idea that would happen, thrice.
2.  My companion took me to task, on the way home, asking me difficult questions about my family, my sons, my future, my past. That was great. I enjoy being challenged.
3.  We ate at Original Joe's after the concert. Last time I was there was in my twenties, when I worked at the main library a few blocks down the same street. I could not recognize the city. It had been years since I had been downtown.
4.  On the way home I experienced fair play. My guest peppered me with questions and I spoke the entire way back to San Leandro.
5.  Last night I enjoyed being authentic, having it returned in manifold ways. I am not a better person than I was years ago. I am not smarter, nor more clever. But I am more vulnerable, transparent. And I am clearer about my boundaries, saying what I want and don't want.

    And because I do, my life is cleaner. It is more consistent with my vision about enjoying life.
6.  My life is much calmer, even when assaulted by the whirlwind of urban living in this century, like today's commute to the South Bay.
7.  I am not shaken like a James Bond martini, even when someone confronts me. That happened yesterday. There was a mix-up with a family member.

    This person tried engaging me, aggressively.  Bad move. That doesn't work with this innkeeper. I was judged, criticized.  I found the time humorous, although I did not let on I did.

     I was having fun, being aware I have shifted from being a reactor to life---drama in particular---to a noticer.  My, is it a better way of living.  My far-fetched, fervid imaginings no longer rule over me.  Usually what we fear and dread never becomes reality.  And here, we suffer because of the projections of our anxieties.

     I love how I don't let the pointed interpretations of others, about me, pin-prick me. I was clear that this individual's conclusions were a result of his baggage. I loved this person, while sticking to my understanding of events. They may not like that I did not bite, taking the bait  and hook of blame. It's their issue to deal with their disappointment, not mine.

How About You? 
How have you allowed your fears to conquer your emotions?

  That's it for now.  I'll re-work this later today.