Sunday, May 24

Being a Swami Is Not Our Job.......... 5/24/15

A great way to avoid etching lines in your
 face is being internally referented. 
    We don't experi-ence an interpreta-tion.  

    We imagine them. Speaking my feel-ings without inter-preting is being present.Whenever we state what is alive without judg-ment or presump-tions, we let others know the real us.

     These authentic words are more likely to be heard and felt by friends than con-trol-oriented pro-nouncements. We hurt the relation-ship when we say, "Oh, you are doing this because..."  Or, "I feel attacked." Or, "Once again you are ignoring me."  Which are faux feelings.  These comments are judgments.  About another's behavior.  We are not expressing our emotions.

       The best part is not that others are more inclined to listen when eliminating our "mind chatter."  What is great is that we are saying what we truly feel.  We are not caught up with that word again, inter-pretations (or imaginings).

       We are connecting with what we sense and feel when with that person.  We are authentically expressing what is happening within. When we do, we are more likely to heal and forgive.

        That occurred a few weeks back.  I had a difficult conversa-tion, crying three times.  But, I was real.

       The next day, cycling with my son, I felt emotionally cleansed.  As if awakened from the coffin of despair.  My impassioned vulner-ability the previous day helped me soar from a bank cloud of turbulent feelings churned by the intense conversation.  It helped me emerge into a clearing of san-ity and serenity, providing peace of mind.

       I was happier, too. In my body and spirit, I was.  I was not in my mind, the old unhelpful refuge I ran to when mistreated as a little boy.

      What made this possible?  When the trauma happened, in that painful conversation, I was present.  I expressed my anger and resentment.  Quietly.  Tearfully.  Respectfully, but honestly.

       I was true to self.  I was not the nine-year old Pablo.  I was not panicking, stuffing the anger or resentment I felt within.

       It was fulfilling.  I was with someone who respected my authenticity.

       When we do not inter-pret or judge others, the other person is more likely to hear.  They will not be defen-sive.  Why?  Because we are speaking about what we heard them say instead of why we think they said it.

        It's not our job, being a swami.

        Our imaginings are not a crystal ball, allowing us to judge.  We can be entirely wrong with our interpretations.  We are not God.

        We don't know the heart---the motives---of others.  As much as we assume we may, we do not know what another person is thinking. It is absolute arrogance, believing we do.

        This is true even with those who have harmed us severely.   Often, their behavior had nothing to do with us.  It wasn't because we were bad, deserving their mistreatment.

         Their actions were the result of baggage they had before we were ever around.  A result of their insecurities.

        Do we really want to be angry because our interpretations, the men-tal static that bombards our mind?  When that happens we are not responding to what really happened.These negative thoughts and emo-tions may make us feel wronged but righteous.

        But, is it worth stirring up misery, harboring bitterness within?  The only good in living by our interpretations is validating the story in our head. And it can be entirely wrong.

        It may be as genuine as a wooden nickel.

        Authenticity sets us free from self-imposed misery.  Being in touch with what we are experiencing, our feelings, and needs allow us to live in reality.  We are able to speak our truth gently, without fear.

        Being genuine allows to say our no as gently as our yes. We will know equanimity, healing, and that peace of mind that we can be gotten no other way. 


Anonymous said...

Dear Innkeeper,

I've been swimming in a negative sea of thoughts and emotions,lately. Not fun! Sparks have been flying! I even took up duties as a Swami... yikes. That didn't work out too well.I say to myself... " am I in a Monty Python Skit? Am I crazy? Why does this keep happening to me?
As I reflect on this post, continue to work on my recovery,I slowly and painfully begin to recognize the error of my ways. And, what might they be? Well...hmm..lets see, dropping the 'Swami act' for starters and learning to give up my prized titles of... 'Queen of interpreting,...Queen of imaginings and Queen of presumptions!' Thank you for this insightful post.

Jane G. Yorksnire

Doña said...

STILL working on this one. Just when I think I’ve gotten over being judgmental, it crops up again. (Like I used to think I never got angry just because I never raised my voice.) So much for that one. I get judgmental, especially when I feel bitter. I guess judgmental means putting myself in the position of being a judge, though nobody specifically asked me to be that for them; I grant and bestow that position on myself---to be holier-than-thou instead of turning to Love & Heart.

Pablo said...

Dear Jane,

I am sorry for my tardiness in replying. I still want to. What you wrote came to my attention because of an recent comment submitted under this post.

I get that you are tempted to interpret other peoples actions. Don't worry. Many do. Just the fact that you see this means you are getting healthier.

What do you want to do, when you feel the temptation to wrap a towel around your head and look into the crystal ball of your imaginings?

I appreciate your company. Thank you, for your visits.

Pablo said...

Dear Dona,

I find we are judgmental because it makes us feel wronged, but righteous. It also gives us a sense of control. That we know what is going on. Actually it is an illusion of control.

I find it is better translating the needs beneath my judgments. And express these needs to the person troubling me. They are more likely to hear me. If I judge them, the walls go up. They feel attacked.

I think you are on to something, about us being holier-than-thou, when we judge. I find it helps if we always come from love, when relating. I learned I want to love before I level, to connect before correcting.

I admire your honesty. Thank you, for being authentic in your post.

A grateful innkeeper,

The Innkeeper

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