|A great way to avoid etching lines in your|
face is being internally referented.
We imagine them. Speaking my feel-ings without inter-preting is being present.Whenever we state what is alive without judg-ment or presump-tions, we let others know the real us.
are more likely to be heard and felt by friends than con-trol-oriented pro-nouncements. We hurt the relation-ship when we say, "Oh, you are doing this because..." Or, "I feel attacked." Or, "Once again you are ignoring me." Which are faux feelings. These comments are judgments. About another's behavior. We are not expressing our emotions.
The best part is not that others are more inclined to listen when eliminating our "mind chatter." What is great is that we are saying what we truly feel. We are not caught up with that word again, inter-pretations (or imaginings).
We are connecting with what we sense and feel when with that person. We are authentically expressing what is happening within. When we do, we are more likely to heal and forgive.
That occurred a few weeks back. I had a difficult conversa-tion, crying three times. But, I was real.
The next day, cycling with my son, I felt emotionally cleansed. As if awakened from the coffin of despair. My impassioned vulner-ability the previous day helped me soar from a bank cloud of turbulent feelings churned by the intense conversation. It helped me emerge into a clearing of san-ity and serenity, providing peace of mind.
I was happier, too. In my body and spirit, I was. I was not in my mind, the old unhelpful refuge I ran to when mistreated as a little boy.
I was true to self. I was not the nine-year old Pablo. I was not panicking, stuffing the anger or resentment I felt within.
When we do not interpret or judge others, the other person is more likely to hear. They will not be defensive. Why? Because we are speak-ing about what we heard them say instead of why we think they said it.
It's not our job, being a swami.
Our imaginings are not a crystal ball, allowing us to judge. We can be entirely wrong with our interpretations. We are not God. We don't know the heart---the motives---of others.
Not even those who have harmed us severely. Often, their behav-ior had nothing to do with us. Their actions were the result of baggage they had before we were ever around.
Do we really want to be angry because our interpretations, the men-tal static that bombards our mind? When that happens we are not responding to what really happened.These negative thoughts and emo-tions may make us feel wronged but righteous.
But, is it worth stirring up misery, harboring bitterness within? The only good in living by our interpretations is validating the story in our head. And it can be entirely wrong.
It may be as genuine as a wooden nickle.
Authenticity sets us free from self-imposed misery. Being in touch with what we are experiencing and our feelings and needs allows us to live in reality. We will know calmness, healing, and peace of mind that we can know no other way.