Tuesday, April 5

Acceptance Does Not Mean Acceptance (as we normally consider it) : But, It's the Key to Serenity and Emotional Healing ..................4/5/11


  
     Good morning,

I went to bed early and here I am, this dark, early morning on the Left Coast. I tried entering a site online where I, until recently, wrote regularly.  The place is closed, after existing for more than two years. For more info, read my first post.  While with friends last night, we spoke about acceptance.

        I've learned over the years that acceptance does not mean acceptance, as I once understood this word.  This realization once boggled my mind.  Before, I considered acceptance a form of passivity.  "Oh, I have to accept that so-and-so is rude, critical, will interrupt me whenever I speak, will always get angry if I disagree, I have to accept that." Or, "I behave in such and such inappropriate ways it's because of what I went through as a child.  My actions are coping mechanisms I learned back then. They are a part of who I am."

      Not necessarily so. This is NOT acceptance. I've learned that acceptance does not mean yielding to a degrading (or intimidating) situation, person or behavior. Or is this morning's case----to a disappointing circumstance.  Acceptance means coming to terms with the issue, grieving it, letting it go and then deciding what steps we'll take.  I call this the "Part B" of acceptance.  I have choices.  I'm not a helpless, hopeless victim.

 "Acting like a victim is a choice, not a destiny."
               Hope for Today, p.189

5 comments:

Thag Jones said...

I like to think of acceptance as not trying to force something, not resenting an apple tree for not producing oranges. As far as other people go, we can decide what we are willing and unwilling to accept from them and act accordingly. If we really wanted oranges, we'd better go find an orange tree instead of trying to change the apple tree.

Thag Jones said...

Or just accept the apple tree and enjoy its fruit if we are capable of doing that, I should add.

Paul NorthernCal said...

Thag,
First, you probably know you have mail.
.
Now, about acceptance. I'm in agreement with you. It's coming to terms with reality. Many times, when I give a talk, I pointedly disagree with what is bantered about as gospel, especially in recovery and mental health circles. We are told that insanity is doing the same thing again and again, expecting a different result.
.
That is not insanity. It's an example of insanity. It's a symptom of insanity. What causes us to do so, is the insanity. And usually it's defensive hope, that motivates us. I do not want to see reality for what it is. "Perhaps if I use a gentler tone of voice, or shorter dress or do him a favor, he'll be nicer to me," the abused wife or girlfriend thinks.
.
It's hard to see someone as narcissistic, cruel and uncaring. For me, it's usually because I've placed my attachment for that person above the principles of my "must haves" and "can't stands" in a relationship.

jpkennerk said...

Good morning Pablo... Just checking in as a former SSS friend to let you know I visit your new digs daily. My gratitudes for today are:
1. I am grateful I have accepted our fate at SSS and moved on. Without thinking I still want to go there to read the posts though. Just a habit I need to break.
2. I am grateful I am doing better at putting "me" ahead of other things.

Paul NorthernCal said...

Good afternoon, Phyllis,
I'm happy to see you. Have you gotten in your walking, this week? Kudos to you on your ongoing weight loss. Way to go!
.
If you saved a particular forum as a favorite, you an still access all of SSS; the only thing closed is the chat room. However, SSS is now a ghost town. The only person posting there is Daisy. (If you saved the opening screen as a favorite, you won't be able to get in.)
.
Good for you, that you're learning to take care of yourself. I may use this topic for my next post; thanks for mentioning it.
.
You have my support and prayers. I'm grateful for your friendship,

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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