My Favorite Christmas Story 12/25/17

Taken fromThe Christ Child, Illustrated
 by Miska and Maud Petersham 

     Merry Christmas.  That each guest of this inn had a lovely day, is my wish.  I did.

     What is Christmas?  Nope, it is not about gifts.  It is about one Gift, Christ.  This holiday is about God's incarnation, becoming a man.  This day celebrates His arrival.  He dwelt among us, full of grace and truth.  (John 1:14) I know for many this is an outdated concept.

      What Christmas gift can I offer?  How about

My Third Favorite Christmas Story 12/22/17

WWII photo of the Ardennes Forest

       Good evening, one and all. I hope life is treating you well. For many, this is a frantic, mater-ialistic season.       
             
         Needn't be so.  In the inn, we're having a countdown for the biggest day of this month.  For

Maintaining Our Sanity and Serenity During This Season 12/19/17

      Now is a good time to slow down.

       I know this is the opposite of what we experience while gearing up for Christmas.

      But, many of us need to process the holidays.  This time of year usually involves interacting with others. Often, it means encountering disturbing people, people frantic because the true message of this season has escaped them.

      Or many will visit with difficult relatives not seen any other time of the year.

       When with them, there can be the combustion of clashing person-alities.  Or unpleasant shared history creates friction, awkwardness.  These challenging aspects of the holiday season motivate us to make time.

       For ourselves.

       We need to grieve and apply the balm of re-covery.  It is impor-tant processing what barrages us, emotion-ally and physically.

       Feeling and processing neg-ative interactions is critical. It helps us maintain emo-tional balance, equanimity.

      As children, we may not have been allowed to mourn.  Being in touch with our feelings when disturbed is being present. It is what it means to be alive.  It is important for our sanity.

      It helps us overcome crazy-making times when relating with others who trigger us.

      When we stay in our head, we distance ourselves from what we experience.  When we feel, we are the experience.  We are in touch with what we want.

      We are our au-thentic selves.  When we do the opposite and present our arti-ficial selves, we experience what Ann Wil-son Schaef describes as "soul murder."  It leads to many ills, depression, isola-tion, self-loathing and many neuroses.

       What causes us to not be authentic?  Toxic shame.  We believe if we present our transparent selves, we will not be accepted, loved.  We fear being ridiculed for our values or having a different perspective.

       What is the antidote for shame?  Enjoying unconditional love and acceptance from the good company we keep.  These are our Balcony People.

My Gratitudes:
1.  For the ongoing growth of the happiness that fills my life.
2.  I am thankful for sleep.  It restores my mind and body.
3.  For fantastic conversations. They nurture me.  I love heart-to-heart authentic conversations.  They meet my need for connection, closeness, and transparency.

   Wishing you a terrific Tuesday.  I know mine will be. 

The Miracle Gro Value of Using Boundaries....... 12/4/17

Boundaries: A Source for Sanity

         There are times when we are with a controlling person.

          That presents a problem.  It in-trudes upon our need for autonomy.  Being the gratitude guy, a diffi-cult relationship is seen as an opportunity to adhere to prin-ciples.

         Time with those who cramp our style is like practicing a tennis stroke by hitting a ball against a wall.  We have opportunities to exer-cise boundaries related to their behavior.  It helps us maintain sereni-ty, sanity, and dignity----just barely.

        If not careful, our equilibrium could be thrown off.  Creating distance with an un-safe person can be wonderful, providing the balance needed.
          Bound-aries are not for others to adhere to.  They are for us to adhere to. They are sanity savers, joy producers.  They provide the dignity we need.

        Often, we relate with with boundaryless people.

        Chaos is the measure of their lives.  Their lack of preparation does not make their crises our emergencies.   (See here, too.)  Even when they desperately wants us to rescue them.  Exercising boundaries  with those who lack them, maintains our sanity.

       Relating with boundaryless people pours Miracle Gro on our recovery---forcing us to tightly adhere to boundaries.  We are not loving when we rescue others from the natural conse-quences of their behavior or lack of initiative.

         Is there some-one or a situation that teeters your totter?  Could an in-dividual dump you into the morass of frustration?  How do you handle tough times?

          We want to be mindful of a quote posted months ago.  You can read this post here.  This article is especially encouraging when finding ourselves in difficult circumstances.  The following inspires me when confronting challenges:

We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed.  For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a per-sonal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement.

When we are no longer able to change a situation---just think of an incurable disease such as in-operable cancer---we are chal-lenged to change ourselves.                                       Viktor Frankl

***

         Many good things happened this week. Even though it has been a time rife with tension.  Filled also with deep, negative emotions.  With-in the past seven days, the following gratitudes emerged.

Gratitudes:
1. Receiving practical support this week.

     It was beyond my wildest dreams. Those in my supportive network emboldened me with their encouragement and wisdom.
2. Love from many gave us a strength we won't have if we go it alone.

      The compassion, empathy, fellowship and sensitivity I've experienced gave hope during a most difficult season. It has been one of the most difficult times in my life.

      I was stunned by the outpouring of affection received.  It gave a bounce to my step that was missing earlier this month.

     Loved ones and friends, visited.   Phone calls and acts of loving service ministered to my well-being in ways beyond imagining.  Their loving concern buoyed my spirit.
3. I'm adding new dimensions at work.  I am participating in my growth.  Good for me!  I'm thankful for opportunities that expand my creativity and resourcefulness.
4.  I have a business mentor.  His help has been like a steady lighthouse, guiding me in directions that were once foggy and unclear. .

Calmness In the Eye of the Emotional Storm Part VI......... 10/28/17

Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us
 for better things. Image: "Countryside: Across theVal-
ley" by Tim Blessed.  Copyrighted photo. Used by permission. .

       It's great being in touch with our emotions, and not  perseverating  when stressed. Be-ing agitated never helps.  How can we be mentally clear, when panicking?

        Having equili-brium, drawing from God's strength and basking in His love and that of good friends is preferred.  It's an amazing gift when this is our reaction during turbulent times.  Knowing peace, when we are swirling in the eye of a circumstantial storm helps us maintain our focus.

        Serenity is an amazing gift.  It happens when we apply healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.  Peace of mind is ours when we have the habit of leaning on God.  We trust his strength.

   

        Fullness is ours when we are connected with emotion-ally safe friends.  These options are better than the inadequate coping methods our younger selves used when immersed in life's drama.

        With recovery, isolating, anger, resentment, bitterness and self-loathing no longer reign over us.  No longer are they our default mode, when experiencing life's drama or disappointment. Using heal-thy, constructive alternatives, putting one foot in front of the other, is more effective.

       Often, it is better to not think.  Just do.   If we don't live by recov-ery principles, our nature is to analyze too much.  This is trying to control the uncontrollable and futility.

       Retiring the cape, we know ease, emotional safety.  Our joy in-creases.  We no longer carry the weight of the world.  It's not our job to deal with every crisis, to solve every problem.

       Peace now transcends our circumstances.  We know tranquility because we are gentle towards ourselves.  It's a result of moving away from isolating.  We allow our Balcony People to undergird us with their love.

       We are gentle towards ourselves.  When wrong, we treat ourselves with love and tenderness. For many of us, we did not experience it as children.

       Especially when we erred. Back then, it was the end of the world for our parents.  We were punished.  Mercy was nonexistent.

        There is hope for our past.  Recovery allows us to create new legacies. We replace ineffective methods that were used when we lived in our family of origin.  We learn to love ourselves even when we goof.

        When we experience a sad, disappointing or frustrating moment in our lives we have two responses.  Tough times can be a monument to our past pain.  Or, by how we respond, it can reflect the healing, growth, and grace we know because of recovery.

        Sure, it may feel good----temporarily---being petulant.

        But, would we really want to trade that for the peace, joy, and harmony we feel, when we replace character defects with new and better alternatives?  We can be glad we're learning a better way to live.  Life now is not only about being at peace with others, and circumstances, but with ourselves.

How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today? I'd love hearing them.  Thanks!

Responding, Not Reacting to An Emotional Bully 10/20/17

        Today,  I spoke up when relating with an unpleasant person who tried dominating me.

         If we say noth-ing, when something bothers us, there is zero possibility of things getting bet-ter.  Expressing what troubles us makes it

Spiritual Weightlifting----Developing Better Coping Methods 10/8/17

       As we grow in our relationships with others, diffi-culties arise. 

     Everyone thinks differently which at
times create conflict when spending time with others..  

       Our past painful experiences, leave emotional baggage.  The combination of these factors---differing opinions and our baggage----makes us rife with buttons and triggers.  They are set off when relating with others.  
     

      With recovery, we see dif-ficulties are opportunities.   They provide moments for spiritual weightlifting.  Chal-lenges develop our relationship skills and emotional flexibility. 

       Recovery is saying what we mean.  We also mean what we say, but not we do not say it meanly. 

     Healthy principles are used instead of yielding to anger or passivity.  We are true to our values.  We stand by them, even when pressured to overlook or sur-render what we hold dear. 

    In other words, we are codependent-free.  
   

    We get stronger when using healthy coping methods.  We respond, not react. Resentment, fear, pas-sivity, and anger are banished when we move beyond solutions used in childhood, the 3 F's: Freeze, Fight or Flee. 

      Our relational muscles strengthen when we are authentic.  

      We demonstrate maturity when we stand in our power.  It a beacon reflecting the integrity we have with our values.  We are not yielding to the whims of intimidating or controlling others, ignoring our needs.  

      The road of life has bumps and dips---our conflicts with others.  Noticing our intent smooths this relationship road.  Are we connecting with the other person in order to relate?  Or are we trying to control the outcome of our relationship with others? 
     

     The relational road is smoother when we are present and com-passionate when relating.  Read here, for more about that.

     Life is easier when we are connected with emotionally ma-ture, supportive others.  These are our Balcony People. See footnote.  They provide perspective. 

      When airing concerns with our supportive network, challenges are less disturbing.  We enjoy emotional support.  Relationships are key to thriving. 

       Recovery reminds us during difficulties,  it is critical placing principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.  Many times in recovery we are at Step 1.  That is, our life has become unmanageable. 

      This is when Step 2 is handy.  This is leaning on a power greater than ourselves that restores us to sanity.  It is seeing circumstances for what they are.  

      It is moving beyond defensive hope.  We replace fantasy with recovery-based acceptance.  We see our difficult circumstances realistically.  

     

      No longer are we living as hopeless, helpless victims.  Recovery-based acceptance is taking action, seeing what we can do to move forward.

      Step 2 is accepting the truth.  We move beyond fantasy and defensive hope. 

      It helps being gentle towards ourselves.  Acknowledging the healthy steps we are taking---even if they are tiny, moves us towards progress. It helps us be patient with ourselves. 

"Perhaps I can let go of all condem-nation for this one day.  I will recognize that I am on a spiritual path of self-improve-ment.  Every tiny step I take on that path moves me closer to wholeness, health, and serenity."        Al-Anon Family Groups Inc., Courage to Change, 2nd Edit., Virginia Beach, 1992, 19. Print.

      As we get stronger, we become more comfortable becoming true to our values, dreams, and decisions.  We realize it is okay to disagree. We process conflicts that once were disturbing.  

       For more insight and skills that help when encountering a difficult or frustrating situation, click here.  

      During conflicts, the following is helpful:

 After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt . …. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after saying,“yes, “ when I really wanted to say, “no.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to  gain someone’s approval? ….

The answer became apparent:  What I lacked was courage. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “no,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a door mat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”

..... Do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.

‘There is a price that is too great to pay for peace… One cannot pay the price of self-respect.'   Woodrow Wilson     Courage, 207

           We are the average of the five people we hang out with.  Let's make sure these individuals are emotionally mature, kind and positive.  We deserve relationships like that, we really do.
How About You?
What spiritual weightlifting have you been doing?  Where are you been placing principles above your personality? 

 Footnote: 

     What a gift it has been, seeing my supportive family expand, as time goes by.  Not only have I a flesh-and-blood family, but an expanded family due to others who are a part of my life. They are my Balcony People.

     These dear ones love and accept me unconditionally.  They are in the grandstands of my life. They cheer me on, as I run the marathon of life.

     They don't give advice.  They share their experience, strength and hope instead.  They empathize and are available. And that is enough.

Image: Countryside: "Wintry Pastoral" by Tim Blessed.  All rights reserved, used by permission. 

A Pensive, Subdued Innkeeper 10/3/17

       I am at a loss for words, saddened by the recent carnage in Las Vegas, Nevada.

      A lone assailant shot people enjoying an open-air concert.  The death tally so far

Perseverance Needed For Progress.......... 10/2/17

The Angel Oak on Johns Island in So. Carolina. 

   The oldest oak tree east of Mississippi. It is cer- 

          tainly one of the most beautiful. 

 It's 1500 years old.  It's 65 feet tall, over 6 stor-

ies. The crown covers 17,000 sq. feet. Its longest

         limb is 89 feet long.

         It's maintained by the city of Charleston. It 

         grew from one acorn. Here's to our growth

Patience With Our Progress

         Today, I'm leaving several quotes. May they help us maintain an Attitude of Gratitude. Avail-ing ourselves to God on a daily basis, seeking  His will, helps our patience

Courage and Support Helps Us Face Our Fears 9/29/17

      I  hope your day was fantastic.                                                                                                   If not, you are in the right place.  Having an     Attitude of Gratitude is critical if we want to get the most out of life.  It is the forward driving perspec-tive that enables us to thrive.                                                                   For more about that, please click here.  It's best seeing what can be done.  Better basking in the blessings we have, than live with regret and fear. 

       Below is a quote about the self-sabotaging nature of fear. May these thoughts help us face and overcome it. 

     My growth involves re-versing old ways of thinking. It was my habit avoiding painful feelings and sit-uations. It was better playing it safe. To avoid risk. [This is being controlling.]

     But life in-volves one risk after another.  Pain is unavoid-able.  Life is learning to accept what is.  This is no longer being engaged with reactive living. 

     When we are reactive, we are not moving towards wholeness, healing or progress.  We are living by default modes that do not serve us. 

      Instead of feeling helpless or hopeless, I look at the source of my distress. I sort out my feelings and process the needs beneath them. This is taking an honest look at myself and my situation. 

    As a result, I find that pain passes more quickly, and what I gain is freedom from fear. 

    I can reach out to a supportive friend or God, and pray.  I can meet with others who care about me to find the courage to deal with fear, pain, and risk. 

    When I  avoid taking risks, fear is always with me.  It is over my shoulder, waiting to claw at me.  

     Now, I face this beast.  I wake the tiger of fear. I come out the other side of its den, usually unscathed. I no longer keep a constant watch for danger. Now, I occupy myself with living.

    Wonderful things can happen today. I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life.

****** 

'Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'    Helen Keller

              If we are not failing, we are not trying.  And if we are not trying, we are not truly living.  What is the upshot of trying and failing?  We took our shot and were shot down.  But we are still standing.  

     The words to the left, expressed by William were spoken in 1604.   They are still true more than four hundred years later.  Progress occurs when principles are placed above not only our personality but also above our fears. 

         Sometimes this requires taking life not one day at a time.  

       It can be better stepping out in life for fifteen minutes at a time.  We place one foot in front of the other.  We are taking baby steps.  

       This is seeking God's will. We are relying, moment-by-moment, upon His power.  Not ours. 

       It is easier, facing difficulties in small increments. Next, we B-R-E-A-T-H-E!  Then we repeat the process for the next fifteen minutes.  

       And the next, and the next after that, and so on.  This is being present and practicing being in the presence of God. 

     

    It helps hav-ing a supportive network of great friends.  When we do, serenity is ours. Why? Because we no longer make decisions or take action alone.  

      We are in a community.  We are experiencing an emotional connection at the highest level. 

       We are finding safety in this treacherous, challenging world.  We enjoy inclusion, we are appreciated, valued. We are bonded with others who have our back. 

       While flying the airplane of life, our good friends and our relationship with God rouse us to-wards the exit. Yes, while we are in flight.  Encour-aged, we leap out the door of adventure.  We leave the comfort of routine living.  

       We have broken free from the status quo, remaining the same. We are plunging into discovering  what is.  This is living. 

It may be scary. But being present is necessary for personal growth and a fulfilling life. It is taking risks.  It is no longer playing it safe.  

       We confront uncomfortable outcomes, calmly, with confidence. Living fully is embracing and overcoming negative realities, calmly, with confidence. We banish the stultifying nature of a control-oriented life. 

       No matter how fearful life appears, we can be empowered.  The support of excellent, confident, emotionally healthy friends provides the trapeze net that allows us to fly and spin under the Big Top if life. 

        We are connected to our Higher Power.  Like the first picture in this post, we are not alone.  We free-fall into a world filled with adventure, vibrancy and satisfaction.  
   

     We move away from our death grip of  being controlling.  

     The result is knowing better friends.  Our relationships are deeper, more meaningful. When we are controlling we create distance and distrust.  

      No one likes being manipulated.  Our friends prefer authenticity. It provides respect, intimacy, and a give-and-take nature that everyone wants. 

       Our supportive friends and our relationship with a loving, gentle God are our parachutes. Healthy principles and recovey guide us so as we safely descend upon the landing zone of a richer, more thrilling life.

        May your day be bold and fearless. 

Creating A Better Today................ 9/24/17

       Beyond pretense. That was our subject.

      A friend of sever-al decades-----a Bal-cony Person of mine, and I lunched. The freedom enjoyed when facing our vul-nerabilities was covered.

Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort........ 9/14/17

        What does it mean to feel elated, frustrated, excited, and disappointed simultaneously?  That we are embracing emo-tional maturity.  With it,   dif-ficulties do not distract us from life's beauty. 

          When living by healthy principles---using recovery---crises do not shock us.  We do not dive into the greasy chute of despair created by our nega-tive thinking, and challenges no longer distract us from the good surrounding us at all times.

         Recovery teaches us the value of connecting with healthy others. When we are internally referented and grounded with God, our nega-tive outlook becomes positive. As we do, our emotional fortitude develops. 

        As we work on our character, we establish our "Must-Haves" and "Can't-Stands."  It provides the oxygen necessary for our relationships to move in a wholesome direction. 

        As we cultivate clarity about our values, our sense of direction and confidence grows. 

         Recovery encourages us to link individual successes with every difficulty we face.  Over time, this practice of resourcing crowds out dread; confidence begins to replace fear. 

         Routinely exercising this practice of resourcing pro-motes strength of character during crises we never dreamed possible.  

         One of the fruits of recovery is stopping negative mental chatter from depriving us of the ongoing beauty life offers.  Being confident in ourselves and knowing freedom from the need to please, we delight in parts of life we once routinely ignored---like the beauty of skyscapes---the formation of clouds.  

         Recovery helps us develop the habit of having a grateful, joyous heart even when the roots of our emotions are shaken by stress or relat-ing to unpleasant people.  We can enjoy life even when rattled and processing problems.

         Ruminating and perseverating over our fears and anx-ieties become a thing of the past when internally referent-ing becomes our default mode.

         Embracing differing emotions means frantic thoughts no longer rent large spaces within the territory of our mind.  Life's difficulties do not rob us of delighting in life's treasures. Recovery principles prevent us from letting others define us or determine our moods.

        With recovery, we become comfortable with discomfort.

      Personal growth allows us to know ease when encounter-ing emotional distress. Our feel-ings function like the dial on an old fash-ioned radio. Living by healthy princi-ples, we tune out the static of negative thinking.

       We use the discipline recovery offers to overcome anxious thoughts and perseverating.

Worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives us something to do but it gets us nowhere.                                  Hope For Today, p. 98

        We dial in on the soothing music of the good surrounding us, even during tough times.  Like:

1.  The good, nurturing, upbeat, gracious, non-judgmental friends who support us.

2.  Beautiful patterns in the clouds.
3.  The scent of a freshly cut lawn.
4.  A simple gift we bought for ourselves that prevents us from having a spirit of poverty.
5.  The love, smiles received from family.
6.  Great, in-depth conversations filled with presence and authenticity.
7.  Turning off the computer or TV and curling up with a good book on        a cold day.
8.  Taking in the magnificence of outstanding music.

         We can choose.  We can tune into the frequency of fear or choose the mental bandwidth that provides solace and equanimity.

        Recovery returns us to the innocence of a two-year-old before becoming aware of life's complex nature.

        With emotional resiliency, we luxuriate in the beauty and peace we can soak in--right now--despite our circumstances.  Past and pre-sent scars no longer distract us from enjoying the best that each day offers.

       With personal growth, flowers along country roads can be taken in because mental chatter no longer distracts us.  Once produced by the ugliness of life, mental dialog becomes replaced with a new and better quality: gratitude.  We. Slow. Down.  

      We enjoy the now, the present, relishing life's beauty.

      Savoring recovery, we become free from the mental stream of worry.  Walking in the city becomes a soul-satisfying exercise.

      Wild-flowers sprouting from sidewalk cracks, once easily over-looked, can be appreciated.  Recovery frees us from the dis-traction that despair and fear create.

    Recovery helps us overcome distorted thinking that origin-ated in childhood.  When this happens, obsession no longer rules us.  Instead, we develop a greater appreciation for na-ture.  We replace unsatisfactory cop-ing patterns with new and better alternatives.

       We taste joy and strength we did not know existed when we do this.

      Living with the strength, confidence, and optimism personal growth offers, we no longer become distracted from life's beauty because of the grip of fear and apprehension.  Our perspective becomes balanced; we take in the excellent and satisfying parts of life along with its thorny issues, including emotional vampires. 

       Recovery slaps away the hands of anxiety.  With it, fear loses its grip on our soul.  Personal growth involves placing healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.

      When that happens, dread disappears. It is replaced with emotional vigor and love for life.  Recovery gives us new eyes and an open but discerning heart.
       Simple things once ignored get no-ticed.  New colors to life surface we never thought possible.  Life vibrates as never before when we have recovery.

       With presence, we drink in the riches life offers the laughter of a baby, the cooing of an infant pas-sing by in a stroller, a wildflower springing from a city sidewalk. 

       Smiles of others are appreciated because we no longer go through life mechanically, without feelings.  No longer do we go through life trying to please others we do not know, spending time and money we do not have in ways that do not nurture us.

       Life and joy intoxicate us when we live with recovery.  Mini spontaneous celebrations become a natural part of our daily routine.  Simple pleasures abound when we enjoy presence, free from worries and the need to control.  Spiritual regeneration takes place.
     

       Simple pleasures be-come ignored when we let the demands of life push these treasures from our consciousness.  The joy of life often disappears when we become captive to painful memories.

        Relationships can devel-op, rich, and textured.  When that happens, authentic con-nections heal emotional scars.  These deeper friendships occur when we become codependency-free.  

        Liberation from this disease creates authentic connections because we are present, not trapped by distorted thinking or the need to please others.

         We become healed when we weave recovery into the fabric of our lives.   Using discernment, we re-move the frayed threads of unsafe people who have attached to us.  Toxic relationships develop our distorted thinking, includ-ing negative self-judgments. 

        Healthy relationships help us unload false beliefs. They rid us of twisted think-ing that our defensiveness and fear load into the truck of our minds when we are inse-cure.

        When codependent thinking is replaced with boundaries, fears diminish when we spend time with others.  Banished is the need for approval, and we have confidence in our best efforts whether others agree or not. 

         We give ourselves credit, even if we don't receive vali-dation from others.

         Recovery builds our self-esteem and eliminates unnecessary self-judgment.  Accepting unacceptable behavior no longer becomes our default mode.  Freed from the baggage of trying to please others, our mind enjoys greater peace.

         We are happier.

         Recovery frees us from reacting.   Obsessive fear becomes replaced with calmness.  We surf the uncertainty entailed in any relation-ship.

        We become more comforta-ble with discomfort.

        We now respond, and there is less reaction when life's drama ap-pears.  Our friendships are enriching.

         Our healthy friends offer grace and truth.  These connections become a soothing balm from life's scratches.

         Compassion and the absence of judgment in our friendships make our supportive network a safe haven.  Discernment keeps us from engaging in black hole friendships that suck our energy.

        Applying boundaries are the key to creating a safe com-munity of friends.  Recovery helps us navigate away from the treacherous waters of unhealthy relationships.

        Living with healthy princi-ples, the result of recovery, we remain present when challenged in a relationship.  We don't let "what ifs," fears, and assump-tions distract us.  Equanimity, peace of mind are enjoyed.

        Because, again, we do not let others define us.

"When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and necessary for us to feel satis-fied, then we have given them power over us." 

                                  Courage to Change, p. 9

        We do not let mental chatter rob us from getting the most out of life.

       We know the complexities of life require more than black and white thinking.  We learn to pick out the burs of goodness embed-ded even in the ugliest blankets Life may toss our way. With emo-tional maturity, uncertainty and discomfort are wel-comed friends.  With it, we have enduring peace of mind. 

         With recovery, we are not triggered by awkward, anxious moments.  We become comfortable, not stres-sed when an outcome is unknown. We look forward to riding the clouds of life, exploring our personal stars, and climbing the moun-tains set before us as we move beyond insecurity and our controlling ways.

         Most of all, we enjoy being present.

        Recovery involves em-bracing what we encounter. We discover our role within life's circumstances.  The world does not revolve around us.

         We surf the waves life tosses our way.  We adapt to life's situa-tions.  We listen carefully to God and decipher what he is saying to us through the orchestration of events.

         It's that simple.

         As a result of personal growth, we see that certainty can be sameness and death.  Being stagnant creates an end to our character development, and it happens when we remain the same, not pushing ourselves to evolve for the better.

        We stagnate when we do not replace unfulfilling and ineffective habits with new and better behavior.  A safe person, however, con-stantly grows.
         

       With recovery, we learn to be less sure, more ourselves. When we are our au-thentic selves, we enjoy what life offers, including its chal-lenges.

         We have no need for control; our focus is on the com-mon welfare of everyone when fac-ing a problem.  We do not feel the need to protect ourselves against the vagaries of life.  When we reach this stage, we are present.

        And life becomes richer and more satisfying than we ever dreamed.