Fear, being timid, or having low self-esteem prevents us from speaking the truth. We are op-pressed by others, we lack courage to stand true to
our boundaries. By not speaking up, we find ourselves lacking motivation, depressed. We are frustrated, who wants that??
We neglect our need for honesty, that's what. We do not stand true to our values and feelings. We read books, not applying what we already know. We procrastinate from reality, thinking it a matter of learning more, "Then we'll act," we say. "I can't" we declare, quitting before trying. We do not move forward because we are buried by limiting beliefs that condemn us to misery.
Egads! What a sick way to live!
Our fears and lack of honesty prevents us from knowing the fullness of life. Not being consistent with our values----authenticity---often does not exist. It's important clearing the air, speaking sincerely about our feelings and wants. Transparency helps us get over hurt, anger, confusion. It enables us to overcome conflict. Expressing ourselves openly lets us enjoy life fully, vibrantly.
When we are honest, we are not weighed down by our measure of defeats and the inauthenticity of not letting others know our wants and feelings. The results are:
- We are no longer tethered to terror or tyranny.
- We are no longer fettered to fear.
- No longer are we shackled to shame.
Being controlling is as tasteless as sand. As emotionally filthy, too. Yuck. Being freed from agendas allow us to reveal our true selves. When letting others know how they affect us, we are specific. We repeat back exactly what the other said or did that touched us. This is the two of us working from the same reality.
This is the stuff of transparency.
Being specific connects me to my experience, not to what I interpreted. As I wrote here, an interpretation is never experienced, it is imagined. Being transparent is a form of of deeper self-awareness.
The key part of being transparent is looking at ourselves honestly. No praise or blame.
"Seeing yourself is an act of observation, not evaluation." Susan Campbell, Getting Real, 41
*****
My brain was fried tonight, knocking me out at 8:00 p.m. I just got up. Earlier, for eight hours, I taught others who are starting out in my profession. Doing this is like restarting my career. It's re-discovering how I tie my shoe and translating the process.
Things taken for granted, I explained. My head is foggy from today's efforts. I will bed down soon. I'm having a session with one client from Germany at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. Afterwards, I'll head to San Francisco teaching for a full day.
I'll re-work this later. Right now, I need sleep.
How About You?
What are your thoughts on transparency? When are the occasions that allow you to be this way? I'd love hearing your answers.
May you have a great and grateful Saturday,
The Innkkeeper
How About You?
What are your thoughts on transparency? When are the occasions that allow you to be this way? I'd love hearing your answers.
May you have a great and grateful Saturday,
The Innkkeeper
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2 comments:
Hi Pablo,
Relating authentically and being transparent with difficult people in my life has not been a simple task. I am learning that even though it is hard, it is necessary for true intimacy and connection. I feel happier and have more self esteem when I convey my true wants and feelings to others and most importantly, I gain self respect.
Dear Thumper,
What could you do less of, to create more transparency in your difficult relationships? I'd like hearing your answer. For me, it is not being passive, not accepting unacceptable behavior. The other day, someone was talking. I was confused. She went from one point to another, without squarely landing anywhere.
I've learned that is a form or control.
With this person, I told her I was confused. I asked her to focus one point. If she did, I could follow her thoughts. She did and everything came out fine.
Kudos to you in your efforts at being genuine! As I wrote in this post, there needs to be strong contact if we are to enjoy intimacy.
Thank you for dropping by and being present. It makes it not so lonely, here, in the inn. :->
Wishing you the closeness and transparency you seek,
The Innkeeper
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