Often hard. False beliefs block the way. We think we'll be rejected, the object of scorn if we ex-press opinions differing from the crowd.
Rejection does not define us.
Instead, it reveals the character of those rejecting us. Their derogatory behavior allows us to witness their "isms"
We can separate their behavior and unfortunate attitudes from who they are. Blame or judging those with whom we have difficulties does not solve our problems. We want to continue valuing them as individ-uals.
It is common to be infected by doubt, the anxiety of not fitting in. Especially when we deal with a conflict. Often, fears are the offspring of outdated lessons from youth.
It is common to be infected by doubt, the anxiety of not fitting in. Especially when we deal with a conflict. Often, fears are the offspring of outdated lessons from youth.
We cling to invalid conclusions, not reality.
As children, we may have suffered when being trans-parent. A false belief we hold on to, now, is that we ask for grief when we are authentic or express our values.
In reality, we have an opportunity to exercise resiliency and forgive-ness, how to be positive, in spite of any difficulties that arise.
It is not that happy people are thankful but that thankful people enjoy and experience happiness much more than those who are not thankful.
It's emotionally healthy noticing what prompts our fears when they appear. Instead of resisting emotional pain, it is best focusing on what is going on within us when we are upset. Not because we are masochists.
Our intent is seeing what transpires when facing this black beast that instills terror. What image surfaces? What are we feeling? What are the needs beneath the uncomfortable emotions?
Compassion towards our vulner-able selves is our focus. We are not judging our pain. We stay with it, not resisting it.
It's best evaluating generalized fears in light of current circum-stances, present reality. When we do, often we'll encounter mental freedom from old mental goblins that goaded and harassed us in our youth.
We'll find, like ghosts, our fears vanish, upon scrutiny--- when placed in the light of reality.
Holding on to the goblins of fear makes these monsters grow. They become more disturbing. If we submit to negative thoughts, fear haunts our psyche, creating dread.
Most sources for un-ease are our imaginings, not reality. There is little substance behind them. Ack-nowledging our anxieties---facing them, staying with them, seeing where they take us---usually diminishes the generalized discomfort they produce.
We want to be in touch with our feelings, not flee them. Avoiding them is reactive living. Such living does not move us towards prog-ress, or healing.
Not at all. Emotionally, we are responding like a child.
We demonstrate psychological maturity when we stay with our negative feelings. We show deeper maturity when surfing them. This means:
This is responding. This is taking our life back.
We do not need to be frightened by the waves of negativity slapping at our happiness. Our feelings are a gift. Our negative feelings are a red idiot light on the dash-board of our emotions.
A negative feeling reveals a need of ours---perhaps several--- is not being met. Positive feelings let us know the reverse, our needs are be-ing satisfied.
Comfortable in our own skin, we are.
What makes this vulnerability possible is a healthy support net-Iwork. When surrounded by good company, it is okay to fail. It is no big deal.
It's emotionally healthy noticing what prompts our fears when they appear. Instead of resisting emotional pain, it is best focusing on what is going on within us when we are upset. Not because we are masochists.
Our intent is seeing what transpires when facing this black beast that instills terror. What image surfaces? What are we feeling? What are the needs beneath the uncomfortable emotions?
It's best evaluating generalized fears in light of current circum-stances, present reality. When we do, often we'll encounter mental freedom from old mental goblins that goaded and harassed us in our youth.
We'll find, like ghosts, our fears vanish, upon scrutiny--- when placed in the light of reality.
Most sources for un-ease are our imaginings, not reality. There is little substance behind them. Ack-nowledging our anxieties---facing them, staying with them, seeing where they take us---usually diminishes the generalized discomfort they produce.
We want to be in touch with our feelings, not flee them. Avoiding them is reactive living. Such living does not move us towards prog-ress, or healing.
Not at all. Emotionally, we are responding like a child.
We demonstrate psychological maturity when we stay with our negative feelings. We show deeper maturity when surfing them. This means:
"Accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it. Acceptance can be empowering because it makes choice possible." Courage to Change, Al-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, (Virginia Beach, 1992) p 256
We do not need to be frightened by the waves of negativity slapping at our happiness. Our feelings are a gift. Our negative feelings are a red idiot light on the dash-board of our emotions.
A negative feeling reveals a need of ours---perhaps several--- is not being met. Positive feelings let us know the reverse, our needs are be-ing satisfied.
When relating transparently, we don't need to be perfect. We reveal who we are---the good with the bad. We don't mind being honest about our struggles."Courage faces fear and thereby masters it."
Comfortable in our own skin, we are.
What makes this vulnerability possible is a healthy support net-Iwork. When surrounded by good company, it is okay to fail. It is no big deal.
It is important for our emotional well being remember-ing our failures do not determine our worth. Nor do they define us. We are not defined by what we do.
We can pick ourselves up when we fail. With our friends, our worth is not related to how well we perform. With good com-pany, we will always experi-ence acceptance.
We are not de-fined by our failures.
Our friends may not approve of our behavior. But we are accepted for who we are, the good along with the not-so-good. We are simply loved.
Safe People---emotionally healthy people---are committed to us. They have empathy and our back. Empathy from others does not mean their agreement, but their ongoing gentle compassion and listening ear.
This is something we deeply need. For many, we grew up with constant judgment. Emotional safety provided by healthy friends is the indispensible antidote for old feelings that we never measured up to the standards of family, school, or church.
It is something sorely need for souls wounded by blame, shame, guilt, fear, or judgment. Being gra-ciously loved by supportive friends reminds us that for peace of mind, like our supportive commun-ity, we also need to be gentle towards our weaknesses and failures.
We are not de-fined by our failures.
Our friends may not approve of our behavior. But we are accepted for who we are, the good along with the not-so-good. We are simply loved.
Safe People---emotionally healthy people---are committed to us. They have empathy and our back. Empathy from others does not mean their agreement, but their ongoing gentle compassion and listening ear.
This is something we deeply need. For many, we grew up with constant judgment. Emotional safety provided by healthy friends is the indispensible antidote for old feelings that we never measured up to the standards of family, school, or church.
Condemning my imperfec-tions has never enhanced my appreciation of life or helped me to love myself more. Courage to Change, p. 19It is essential finding people who prefer truth to being comfortable. Avoiding honesty to protect others from feeling uncomfor-table or ourselves from their reactions, if we are honest, is insincerity. Let me say that again.
If we are a chameleon about our values, adapting them to whatever group we are with, we are as phony as a plastic flamingo stuck in our front lawn. When others accept us, they aren't, really. They are accept-ing the false person we present to them.
Without transparency, we will not laugh all of our laughter. We will not cry all of our tears. Without authenticity, life loses its fullness.
Strong, authentic connection is impossible. There's a word for strong contact. Intimacy.
Being authentic brings genuine friendships. This is a great source of emotional health. It allows bonding with others as we have never experienced before.
We are also moving towards greater wholeness, health, and per-sonal growth. When that happens, we will have An Attitude of Gratitude.
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2 comments:
Pablo,
Wow! What an amazing post!
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you, for the positive but, could you let me know your name? That would help me know, when you drop by again. It would help me have greater clarity.
Have a great weekend!
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