Tuesday, July 14

Intimacy---Transparently Transcending Outdated Fears and Vulnerabilities.................... .......7/14/15

      Being honest.

      Often hard.  False beliefs block the way.  We think we'll be rejected, the object of scorn, if we ex-press opinions differing from the crowd. 

      It is common to be infected by doubt and the anxiety of not fitting in. Often, fears are the offspring of outdated lessons from youth. We cling to invalid conclusions, not reality.

      As children, we may have suffered when we were trans-parent. A false belief we hold on to, now, is that we ask for grief when we are authentic or express our values.

      It's far better noticing what prompts our fears.  Instead of resisting emotional pain, it is best focusing on what is going on within us.  Not because we are maso-chists.

      Our intent is seeing what transpires when facing this black beast that instills terror.  What image surfaces?  What are we feeling?   What are the needs beneath the uncomfortable emotions?

      Compassion towards our vulner-able selves is our goal.  We are not judging our pain.  We stay with it, not resisting it.

      It's best evaluating generalized fears in light of current circum-stances, present reality.  When we do, often we'll encounter mental freedom from goblins that once goaded and harassed us.

      We'll find, like ghosts, our fears vanish, upon scrutiny--- when placed in the light of reality.  

      Holding on to the goblins of fear makes these monsters grow.  They become more disturbing.  If we submit to our negative thoughts, fear haunts our psyche, creating dread.

      Most sources for dread are our imaginings.  There is little substance or reality behind them.  Acknowledging our anxieties--facing them, staying with them, seeing where they take us---usually diminishes the generalized unease they produce.

      We want to be in touch with our feelings, not flee them.  Running away is reactive living.  Reactive living does not move us towards progress, healing our growth.

       Not at all.  Emotionally, we are responding like a child.

      We demonstrate psychological maturity when we stay with our negative feelings.  We show deeper maturity when surf them.  This means:
"Accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it.  Acceptance can be empowering because it makes choice possible."  Courage to Change, Al-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, (Virginia Beach, 1992) p 256
    This is responding.  This is taking our life back.

      We do not need to be frightened by the waves of negativity slapping at our happiness Our feelings are a gift.  Our negative feelings are a red idiot light on the dashboard of our emotions.

     A negative feeling reveals a need of ours---perhaps several---are not being met.  Positive feelings let us know the reverse, our needs are being satisfied.
 "Courage faces fear            and thereby masters        it." 
       When relating transparently, we don't need to be perfect.  We reveal who we are---the good with the bad.  We don't mind being  honest about our struggles.

       Comfortable in our own skin, we are.

       What makes this vulnerability possible is having a healthy supportive network.  When surrounded by good company, it is okay to fail.  It is no big deal.

       We can pick ourselves up when we fail.  With our friends, our worth is not related to how well we perform.  With good company, there is acceptance.

       We are not defined by our failures.

        Our friends may not necessarily approve our behavior.  But we are accepted for who we are, the good along with the not so good.  We are simply loved.

        Safe People---emotionally healthy people---are committed to us.  They have empathy and our back.  Empathy does not mean agree-ment but it provides compassion.  

       This is something we deeply need.  For many of us, we grew up with constant judgment.  Grace received from these friends is the antidote for feeling we never measured up to the standards of our family, school or church.

       It is something sorely need for souls wounded by blame, shame, guilt, fear or judgment.  Being gra-ciously loved by supportive friends, we are motivated to be gentle to-wards ourselves, our weaknesses and failures.

       It is essential finding people who prefer truth to being comfortable.  Avoiding honesty to protect others from feeling uncom-fortable or ourselves from their reactions, if we are honest, is insincerity.  Let me say that again.

       If we are a chameleon about our values, adapting them to what-ever group we are with, we are as phony as a plastic flamingo stuck in our front lawn.  When others accept us, they aren't, really.  They are accepting the false person we presented to them.

        Without transparency, we will not laugh all of our laughter.  We will not cry all of our tears.  Without authenticity, life loses its fullness.

         Strong, authentic connection will be impossible.  There's a word for strong contact.  Intimacy.

       Living trans-parently, shedding our chameleon skin, can be our reality.  And does it feel good!  It also heals our souls.

      Being authentic brings genuine friendships. This is a great source of emotional health.  It allows bond-ing with others as we have never experienced before.

         We are also moving towards greater wholeness, health, and personal growth.  When that happens, we will have An Attitude of Gratitude. 


Anonymous said...


Wow! What an amazing post!

Pablo said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you, for the positive but, could you let me know your name? That would help me know, when you drop by again. It would help me have greater clarity.

Have a great weekend!

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