Friday, July 17

Warmed Over Death, The Need To Connect and Love First ................. 7/17/15

      It gave me the creeps.

     Someone wrote a comment here, at the inn, at 8:15 this morning.  The second time he has posted in four years.  It had no heart.  The com-ment was deleted.  How easy it is, staying in our head.  Warmed over death.

     The last two sentences sounds like a a lyric doesn't it?  Don't mind me, I've been listening to Neil Young's music lately. And I
write songs, too.

     His comment was full of judgment.  No grace or compassion could be found within it. It was full of insensitive declarations.  I imagine this person feels obliged to condemn.  Oh, it wasn't about me. And, I agree with the truths underlining what he said.

     Here's the tricky part.  How we do something is fre-quently more important than the task. We have great-er effectiveness drawing people through attraction than through calloused proclamations.  We want to love before we level, connect before correcting.

    This is true if we are relating with our children, friends, subordinates or our neighbor next door.  No one cares about what we have to say if we are attacking them. Such communication is tragic.  Why? Because blame, shame, guilt, fear and judgment only throws up a wall between us and those we are trying to reach.  All they are hearing is we are rejecting them, we don't like them.  And "throw up" is a good phrase. That is what we are doing, vomiting on the objects of our judgments.
     They cannot and will not hear what we say. There's a saying, "People don't care how much we know, until they know how much we care." About them, first.

     What did I think when reading his nineteen paragraphed rant?  My judgments were: I felt death, not love.  I was bathed by the cold shower of self-righteousness.  I shivered in the frigidity of his impersonal words.  I imagined I would not want to be his friend.  That's okay.  My guess is he wouldn't want to be mine.

     We are the average of the five people we hang out with.  I prefer having a joyous life, knowing God's love (and truth) to one with a cold worldview, a perspective that judges.  I prefer connecting with those who inspire to reflect God's character, especially His love. They motivate me by example. I am drawn to people who are light-houses of hope. They guide me to the harbor of peace of mind and joy, not life's underbrush, with all of its snakes and worms.

     Paradoxically he discussed a subject dear to me, God.  But, no way would I want to know this fellow.  Truth without grace is judgment.   Grace without truth is unreality.  We need both.  I said both. This means being gracious and loving, along with speaking the truth.  My judgment was this fellows comment was all truth, austerely written. Heart was lacking in the words he uttered in print.

         Wishing you a fantastic Friday and a sensational Saturday,



Thumper said...


I love what you said about how we are the average of the 5 people we hang out with. My new balcony friends are much kinder, healthier and supportive than those I have spent time with in the past. This fact has made a huge difference in my life. I think that the healthier we get, the better people we attract into our lives because we are seeing with newer and wiser eyes.

Pablo said...


There is so much I can say about friends. And I am too tired to do so, tonight. I'll simply say: Proverbs 17:17 and 18:24. (q.v.)

I always enjoy hearing a person whose life is improving. I am in agreement with you, too. Discernment is critical, when selecting our friends. Right now, I in a stage where I'm am getting to know someone better.

Easy does it, is my motto with this person. Most important is who they are on the inside. The outside doesn't mean anything if there's nothing within. This post is helpful with this matter.

Thank you for dropping by, reading and commenting. I love hearing from guests! :->

The Innkeeper

Syd said...

I hope that you are healing okay. Sorry to hear about your fall. I prefer to be around those who are positive and uplifting. When that isn't the case, I make my time with the nay sayers and angry people short. Thinking of five friends leaves me thinking whether more than one or two really have my back.

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