Dealing with an Emotional Bully, Part III. Maintainng a Solid Stance. Beware of the Rude Manipulator 10/12/11

The guy with the lighter hair must keep a solid stance or he's going to get
taken down. I know from experience & from what I went through last week.

   Good evening everyone,
I'm here. This is the time when I slow down and visit with you, my guests to the Attitude of Gratitude Inn. I have plenty of stories to share. Logging my ruminations in this log hasn't been possible; I've been running ragged
the past two weeks.

     This is what happens after I've been away, out-of-town for several days. There's catching up to do: practical matters, follow up regarding work I've missed and re-establishing my routine.

      I'm making time to have some fun and write a bit about Dealing with an Emotional Bully, Part III. You can see my other writing about this subject here and here, too. I always get a kick out of my experiences with bullies. Last week, on Thursday I had the pleasure of being with one. I'm not being sarcastic. I'm serious.

     I wrestled for seven years, while in school, starting with the seventh grade, through high school and into my Freshman year in college. I won a few trophies, medals and the athlete's sweater that comes with it. You know, one of these (and no, that is not a picture of me. This guy didn't have a flat top haircut, I just cropped the photo a bit too much.) : 

Mine was black with gold (actually a deep yellow) trim.

     One thing you learn in wrestling is that you have to maintain a solid stance. You don't want to be easily tipped over. That's a great lesson to learn not only for the sweaty sport of grappling but also for our interactions with those that are less than kind.

      I'm grateful when others are less than kind. Usually we hold our unhealthy character flaws close to our vest. Maybe our close friends may know them, and our family, but we don't usually reveal them to the general public. When the fangs of unkindness from a hostile person make their appearance, I welcome them. For me, it's like what the rodeo cowboy does before he rides a bull. He gives it the once over, learning its tendencies.

      I've learned it's important to trust my gut---my intuition, and what I see when I'm dealing with an unpleasant person. When someone is not nice, they are not nice. I don't go through mental gymnastics, trying to convince myself that what I experienced was an aberration. I prefer realty. Defensive hope destroys any chance of a sane life.

      Last week someone was to complete a transaction with me; it involved 450 dollars. When I asked this person what prevented her from doing so in a timely fashion, after trying to reach her for three days, she said, "I didn't know I had to give you an account of my time."  No humility. No apology.  No healthy communication between us.

      My reply was, "I think that's a very good point. I'd love discussing that point with you at another time. But that has nothing to do with you being unable to make a twenty second phone call over the past three days."  I continued, "I'm uncomfortable with your response because I enjoy conversations that include respect, dignity and healthy open communication. Would it be possible for us to use respect when we talk?" I kept my solid stance regarding the issue I brought up with her.

      She was silent for several seconds and then hastily replied, "I'll see what I can do" and hung up. Within four hours she did what was expected of her regarding this transaction. I was mindful of the following passage during the tense conversation I had with her:

In order to keep family and fiends from interfering with their unacceptable behavior, people sometimes create diversions by accusing or provoking. At such a time, we who have been affected by someone else's unacceptable behavior tend to react, argue, and defend ourselves.  As a result, nobody looks at that issue that was originally presented, for we are too busy focusing on the particular point being argued---any topic will do. And unfortunately, what we defend against we make real. (Emphasis is mine. Edit.)l

It's better to acknowledge that we are powerless over others. We do not have the strength to fight it. Defending ourselves by engaging in arguments with actively discourteous or irrational people is as fruitless as donning armor to protect ourselves from a nuclear explosion.  Only God can restore us to sanity.

I am responsible for taking the actions necessary to keep myself safe....I don't have to react instantly to provocation, and I am not obligated to justify myself to anyone.  By turning to God for protection, rather than my wits or my will, I avail myself of the best possible defense. 

      I'm happy to write after a long while not doing so. I haven't written about a topic since I wrote about meeting my new friend Ellie for the first time while she was naked. For that story, please click here.