Played an Intense Game of Verbal Tennis 1/23/12

Playing a Verbal Tennis Game 

With an Attorney

      A fascinating conversation with someone early Sunday was had by yours truly.  His face reddened and he raised his voice when I questioned him.  I tried mentioning something that made me uncomfortable on Friday night. He was there.

      His first volley in our dialog was intimidating.  Sarcasm, and vehement arguing was his next ploy.  But, I held my ground on the tennis court of our conversation.  Healthy principles and boundaries prevented me from slipping on the verbal playing court.  I made sure we stayed on topic, not swayed by the intensity of his response.

      When this fellow leaned into my space and raised his voice, I asked, "Are you getting agitated?  If so, we can talk another time."  I've learned it doesn't make sense to talk with someone when they're drunk.  I would be as foolish as them. Waiting for when we can talk coherently is preferred.  The same is true when confronted by a person who is emotionally intoxicated. 

      The question calmed him down.  His next move was recruiting someone else to join the fray.  That was fine.  It was fun; exercising adherence to my values and exercising my right as an adult to disagree. We also made progress.

       With the other person joining the fray, our conversation had me returning rallying shots from one player who was defensive and the intense questioning of the other, who was not, a doubles game with me not having a partner.  I had presence of mind, not reacting, but responding.  Being mindful during the verbal contest allowed me to be courteous while maintaining my integrity. 

      When he stated I was trying to make him do something, which was not my intention, I asked, "Can you tell me what I said that made you conclude that?" 

      He couldn't answer.  Exactly my point.  I never asked him to do anything. That was his assumption. 

      I told him, "I've learned to express my concerns and leave it at that. What a person chooses to do afterwards is their option." I'm not invested in how others respond.  (Courage to Change, p. 310)

     There is only one God and I am not Him.  I kept the focus on me, expressing my needs, trusting God for the results. 

How About You?
What are strategies do you use, when someone tries engaging you in an argument?

SF 49ers

      Hi everyone,
My team, the Forty-Niners, lost today. But, it was an exciting game, a hard-fought contest. I'm proud of what they accomplished, moving from a 6-10 record last year to a 14-4 performance this season, counting the playoffs. They finished the season one game shy of playing in the Super Bowl. 
    The afternoon was spent with my sons, a large screen TV at a sports bar and restaurant, food, over 180 other patrons in the pub and plenty of thrills. 

    My Gratitudes for Tonight

1. I hung out with my sons all day. 
2. We experienced the thrill of an intense game. We've been spending a lot of time as a family. Supporting our football team is one of our traditions.

Englanders. This place has about 50 screens, including  two mega large screens.

 3. We enjoyed community with several others. The roar of the crowd, at the Englander's Pub in San Leandro was fabulous and funny. Some of the other fans there were either dramatic or hilarious in their exclamations. Standing up and yelling at the ref or the opponent. The boisterous environment was good for my sons----they saw their Latin dad as a relatively calm guy, compared to men that surrounded them today.
4. It was fascinating to see the different dynamic of each of my sons, while watching the game with them. I learned more about my sons.

      Please let me know your gratitudes, 
             The Innkeeper

To See and Be Seen; Feeling Good

“When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A
person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.”  Elie Wiesel  

Image: "Countryside: Spring Sky" by Tim Blessed.All rights reserved, used by permission.

        Good evening everyone, how was your day? 
I arose at 5:30 a.m. I studied, prayed, meditated, had alone time, on my way towards nurturing my soul. At 10:30 a.m. I met with friends.     
      There, my spirit was lifted, emboldened. Connecting with many encouraging people invigorated the innkeeper who has been subdued by a persistent, pesty illness. .
     Several of us had lunch after our get together. It was the rest of the day that became interesting. I'll share more about that tomorrow. I'm tired, so I'm hitting the hay. 

   My Gratitudes for This Fine Saturday Evening:

1.  I liked what I heard this morning, when with friends. 

2. I'm glad I joined the group. It could have been very easy to isolate. 

3. I had a terrific conversation with a friend today, later in the afternoon. 

4.  My need for community, connection, mutuality, friendship, being heard, to see and be seen, love intimacy and inclusion were met. 

5. I feel terrific and happy because of the time I spent with others today. Its as simple as that. 

No Is a Complete Sentence

Image: "Countryside: Buttercups and Daisies" by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photograph, used by permission.

       How did you day go?  Today, the inn was busy. we had over 230 unique visitors and they took a look at 820 pages today. It was hard keeping

Enslavement of the Emotional Kind .... 1/19/12

“You simply will not be the same person two months
 from now after consciously giving thanks each day for

 the abundance that exists in your life.   And you will
 have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the  more
you have and are grateful for, the more will be given
 you.” Sarah Ban Breathnach.  Image: "Ooh!" by Tim

Blessed, copyrighted photograph..

My Gratitudes:
1. Someone wanted me to be responsible for his feelings. No can do. I let him know.  I am responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others.
2. When we assume the responsibility for the feelings of others, we are trapped in a form of enslavement.
       We'll believe we need to walk around on egg shells, because we don't know what other possible negative feelings they may have, with whatever we say or do. We are accepting a fallacy.
       We are not creating problems, when we are being ourselves, expressing our views or differing with others.  There's no need for  placating people. If others are upset, we can empathize, but their feelings are their responsibility.  People will not always get what they want. They will have to work at getting their needs met.

       I'm thankful knowing that feeling responsible for the disappointment of others is a serious boundary crossing.
3. I'm thankful that no one can make any human happy, sad, or have any other feeling without that person giving them permission to do so.  Our feelings our our property. It reminds me of the saying:

"I block my well being every time I base my self-worth on what I do or what other people think of me.  Courage to Change, 118

4.  Life is good. I know a loving God, I have loving, caring friends and family. How could I not be happy? 
            Oh yeah, there's a word for the enslavement I talk about in gratitudes one and two:  codependency.

Staying in the Moment, Enjoying My Son's Special Day

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”
Thornton Wilder

          Good evening,
How are you? My day went well. Recently, the inn has had technical challenges. I've contacted someone who can help me. Lately, due to these problems, I've felt like I was alone on an ice floe. I look forward to hearing from you who drop by.

My Gratitudes For This Wintry Day: 

1. I celebrated my son's birthday today with the family. It was

An Emotionally Expressive, But Good Day

     Good evening everyone,
A good day was had by your innkeeper. I cried perhaps six times today. But they were good tears. I am exhausted, but

A Birthday Letter to My Oldest Son .......................1/16/12

That's my son, when younger, tweaking my nose. (Kidding.)

      Well, no one screamed when I added to the scariness of the day by presenting

Not Accepting Unacceptable Behavior........... 1/15/12

Image: "Inspiring!" by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted. Used by his kind permission.

     It had been twelve days since I had posted photos in the inn.  Did you

Experiencing Technical Difficulties

Contentment makes poor men rich. Discontentment makes rich men poor. (Photographer's caption.)

Image: "Wetlands: Autumn Sunshine" by Tim Blessed. Copyrighted photograph, all rights reserved. Used by permission.

        Have you missed the photographs I normally post on the walls of the inn?  I hope so. I want to believe