Saturday, November 22

The Demon of Denial ................ 11/22/14

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget
that the highest appreciation is not to utter words,
but to live by them.”   John F. Kennedy 
        Awhile ago I met with someone I mentored. This per-son danced around issues needing attention.When he became defensive, I held my ground,  prompting a discussion about the difference between being unaware and denial. When a person is unaware of an issue, the response often is, "Do I do that?  Can you help me deal with this, do you have any ideas?"

     Denial is entirely different.  When one is in it, he becomes defensive, perhaps agitated, or argumentative---justifying his perspective. Such responses indicate that the demon of denial has appeared.
When relating with others, and this monster lurks, I don't debate with them. There's no point arguing with a drunk person. When we're in denial we are emotionally intoxicated, beyond reasoning.

      Besides, when there's a difference of opinion, I don't argue; I share my position, leaving it at that. It's not my role to convince.  I find heated discussions unproductive; they're only good for escalating tension, creating ill-will. Who wants that?

     It was interesting noting this man's overt denial as we spoke about this very subject. It's not my job to change anyone. There is only one God.  I am not Him.

      I let this mentee know I will not avoid reminding him of this demon of denial that lives within him.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend but the kisses of the enemy are deceitful. The full soul loathes the honeycomb, but to the hungry soul [the one that doesn't have discernment or recovery] every bitter thing is sweet.   Proverbs 27:6-7
This person's reaction allowed me to know I have better uses of my time than pursuing the subject of denial regarding his relationship with a predatory woman.

1.    I'm thankful for sanity that happens when I do not pursue fruitless discussions.  I have better ways of investing time that offer a better return.

      This same person wanted to analyze areas needing growth. I stopped that. We need a different consciousness than the one that created them. Analysis doesn't change anything. Action does. Taking steps, albeit tiny ones, leads to substantial growth. Flowers, oak trees, human physical growth are all incremental; but they provide big results over time.

2.   I'm grateful for the progress that occurs when staying in the solution, looking at healthy alternatives when faced with problems. For more about this with specific ideas about doing so, please click here.

Encountering a Hollywood Celebrity
      While mentoring this person at a quaint but unfriendly cafe in Corte Madera, there was a smallish guy at the counter, wearing white shorts and a grayish blue t-shirt, his back to us. The person I was with and I were tucked into the bay window that fronted the sidewalk.

      The guy at the counter rose, paid his tab, facing me as he walked towards the door. His unshaven face gave a sheepish smile as his blue eyes met my darker ones.  He brushed by our table on the way out.  It was Robin Williams the actor, comedian.  He was shy.

     He pulled his over-sized black sunglasses over his face before walking out the door.  He got in his black Audi, transporting himself to whatever the day held for him.

3. I'm thankful for life's surprises, excellent weather, the cool bay breezes, clarity of thought when conversing with others and the silent, abundant joy we know when we know our boundaries and adhere to them. This peaceful, abundant joy has another name: serenity.

4.  I love my profession.
5.  Life is good, the result of having a vision and working towards my goals. As the Greeks said,
If you aim at nothing, that is exactly what you'll get.
  6.  I'm regularly getting rest. How could I not have an Attitude of Gratitude?

    You know the routine. I ask if you can share at least three gratitudes when you drop by.  You've heard mine. It would be terrific hearing yours.
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Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.