Wednesday, November 19

Being Gentle Towards Ourselves 11/19/14

“The six most important words:  I admit I made a mistake.
 The five most important words:  You did a good job. 
The four most important: What is YOUR opinion?
 The three most important: If you please. The 
two most important words:  Thank You. 
The one most important: We.
      Least important:  "I.”   
Author Unknown
Image: The California coast: Point Reyes
My Gratitudes:
1. Met with friends tonight.  Getting back at it.  For nearly a month I didn't attend-----was immersed in following my Giants baseball team as they marched on, even-tually becoming national champions.
2.   It's fulfilling seeing others getting
strong-er.  They are finding clarity in overcoming life's difficulties,  learning how taking care of themselves.  We are the only person on earth who can make our well-being our number one priority.
3.  This weekend. Some long-term issues may be resolved.  Closure and peace of mind I'll have when that happens.
4.  Thankful for comments several of you have posted. I apologize for not replying. The result of  being overworked and tuckered out. I will reply soon.
5.  In January, I'll be teaching again, in San Francisco, helping others learn what I do.  I love teaching.  For me, it is like breathing.

The Benefits of Being Gentle Towards Ourselves

        I'm thankful for the racquet of tempestuous times that swings at my peace of mind. These jarring occasions allow me to practice patience, especially towards myself.  My younger self was more driven than I am now, and I'm a driven person, still.  You can imagine how intense I was.

        Much of my drive was due to insecurities, wanting approval.  Now, I'm less the circus dog.  No longer jumping through fiery hoops, needing to impress.  Being at peace, knowing I'm loved and lovable removes big chunks of the edgy self that once defined me.  Hurray!

        Now, when improvement is needed, I am gentle towards these undeveloped parts.  No longer do I look at these areas with disgust or despair.  Now grace and gentleness is applied.  Am I glad.

        I'm kind towards myself.  And because I am, life gets better.  When I look back a month, six months or a year, I appreciate the progress made. I am more patient with the rate of progress, although it can appear small.  Now, I'm kinder, less demanding towards myself.

        When I'm kind towards my vulnerabilities, they emerge from hiding. They experience healing, transformation.  When I am harsh with my warty self,  these areas retreat and hide. There's no chance for improvement.

       Being gracious towards me has these benefits, too:

1. I'm happier.
2. Depression ceases; condemning self becomes less frequent.
"Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life nor helped me to love myself more."  
               Courage to Change, page 19. 
3. I bask in the joy of having an Attitude of Gratitude.
4. As I've become gentler towards myself, I'm softer, kinder, towards others.  It's hard giving what we have not received.

        Please, let me hear your thoughts on this subject, 

                The Innkeeper


Superman said...

Dear Innkeeper,
The idea of giving to ourselves is such an ignored necessity. It's a must. We cannot expect this from others. If we are more gentle with ourselves, others will sense it, without having to go to their own mind and rationalize in order to protect themselves, ignoring their own feelings. When I am gentle with myself not letting my imagination or negative default mode enslave me, a subtle change happens in the body, a deeper exhale, a gentle ease in the shoulders. I am recognizing my own goodness a little bit more, making a little more effort with giving myself credit. Just to sit in that recognition for thirty seconds is huge for me, but I excited to see what can happen.
Thank you, Innkeeper.

Thumper said...

Dear Pablo,

I, too am becoming less of a people pleasing puppet, trying hard to impress and control how others see me. I can attribute this to excellent counseling and recovery through Alanon family groups and the literature it provides. Good old fashioned hard work on my part has also helped. My life is improving each and everyday as a result of my commitment to recovery. I am also kinder and gentler toward myself which is so freeing!

Pablo said...

Dear Superman,

I appreciate your visits and vision. I am in agreement with you. When we are more accepting towards ourselves, our body relaxes. We are less hyper vigilant.

This is true when we don't allow the Critical Parent within to dominate our spirit and mind. The criticisms of these negative thought patterns are lies.

Affirming our efforts the good parts about us counteracts this demon of condemnation.

Thank you, for visiting, reading and commenting. It contributes towards the community and ideas we share here!

Pablo said...

Dear Thumper,

Apologies for the tardiness of my reply. How do you see your life improving, as you are becoming more internally referented?

What has helped you most, in your counseling? What have you learned, as a result of attending Al-Anon Family Group meetings? Others would probably benefit from your experience.

I think it is great that you are enjoying the benefits of the time you have put in your recovery and your life is better than ever!

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.