Thursday, April 11

The Sticky Gum of Resentment ......4/11/13

The sun setting on San Francisco
 Peninsula, viewed from Alameda Island
      Good early morning!

My body has been thrown out of wack----I'm sleeping irregularly.  The good news is that I rode sixteen miles today.  It should help me bed down sooner and sleep soundly. We'll see.

          On the other hand, I am sleeping like a baby: I wake up every three hours and cry.  (Just joking folks, for those who always take me seriously.)

          Today was an easier day.  I tried resting, after work, without success.  Unfortunately, my mind is too

           In the afternoon, with another, I circumnavigated part of Alameda Island on two wheels.  That was 10.5 miles of today's mileage.  The weather was lovely, our conversation was better: intense, honest, supportive and authentic.

          The guy that rode with me today provided perspective regarding a vexing issue that, since early March, has stuck with me.  This subject is an annoying piece of gum attached to the bottom of the shoe of my consciousness.  Its sticky sound constantly reminds me of its presence as I walk on the linoleum of life.

          My cycling companion---someone I mentor---and I had dinner at Jim's Cafe in Alameda.  We covered the bugaboo of resentment; our time was productive and insightful. We looked at satisfying remedies that allow us to have peace of mind.

         Afterwards, I scooted over to Grand Ave., on the island, connecting with friends.  Someone shared her story growing up with an alcoholic, heroin-addicted mother, who gave birth to her when sixteen.  The speaker was transparent and honest and vulnerable and positive----her talk was a heartfelt message of encouragement.

       Her progress, using the principles and the fellowship of Al Anon Family Groups, helps her have peace and clarity during stressful moments----something she didn't know as a child.  She mentioned perspectives that allow her to overcome dark clouds that previously obscured her happiness.

       She mentioned how she realizes she can't control her husband.  But, she's learned she can control how she chooses to respond to him. Her comments were a great reminder.

       Her new-found recovery-based sanity provides her with a clarity and ease; she has discovered a source of tranquility in areas that once irritated her.  I'm happy for her and happy I heard her herald truths I need to heed----at all times.

My Gratitudes for Today: 
1.  I rested. Even though it was a restless rest, I semi-rested.  That's the progress not perfection of an important area affecting my health.  Halting relieves my muddled mind.  When I don't get enough sleep, I can't think straight.  Isn't that also true for you?
2.  I spent time reading today, one of my favorite things to do.  I love discovering new truths and the growing awareness it provides.
3.  I'm making progress with my attitude towards the problem from last month.  I may call the person who created it.  It's not something I want to do, but I will, eventually.

      I'm growing in my willingness to talk with this individual who jolted me last month by re-opening an old emotional scar that I hadn't thought about in a long while.  It looks like it's time to use the butter knife of forgiveness to scrape off negative feelings that have gummed up the sole of my thinking. 


Optimistic Existentialist said...

Irregular sleeping can really take a toll. I do not get proper sleep and it's something I really need to work on!!

Carl H said...

Dear Innkeeper,

I love your gum/shoe literary imagery; analogy - very clever, poetic and fitting! Your writing is genius! I hope you will rest better in the days ahead, and able to help your transgressor "make amends" and figure out how to "make it right."

This late Friday night, (now Saturday morning, since my laptop decided to freeze last night) I am grateful...

1. For being humbled this past week, and shown via ongoing personal "rightsizing" how to better respect those around me whom I may have misjudged, while staring into the revealing mirror of "arrogance."

2. For the deft support a much younger superior (whom I could not stand until recently...) graciously afforded me in helping mend fences with a couple of disgruntled chef/clients during a Thursday road trip to the Napa/Sonoma wine country. His product knowledge and sincere manner was brilliant!

3. For the kind patience and forgiveness my dear friend and mentor exhibited this evening when I was late and defensively abrupt.

4. For the beautiful stories of healing, hope and recovery many shared in our group circle of serenity tonight. For returning to this fellowship after being away for too long, and being able to share a bit.

5. For precious time making amends and catching up; sharing personal realizations, with my friend and mentor over a Val's Burger and Shake in Hayward, after our group gathering. Next time we'll try the Pistachio Shake!

6. That my friend was NOT held permanent hostage, or made to wash the dishes, while I ran across the street to the Liquor Store ATM to get some cash for our meal. You see, Val's is a cash only restaurant! We had snuck in just before closing time at 10:00 PM, yet they were kind enough to serve us. However, I had forgotten they are cash only! Close call indeed!

7. It's a beautiful, clear, sunny, Saturday morning here on the Left Coast, and that I was already able to put out a couple of order/delivery challenges via our convenient email and texting technology, while sipping a coffee in the backyard garden. God is good indeed!

Pablo said...


Thanks for your regular visits. I always enjoy your positivity and honesty. How is school going for you?

I wish you consistent, blissful sleep.

Pablo said...

Dear Carl,

Thanks for your comments. Writing is fun, when it works out well.

It sounds like there were many lessons for you this week. I pray the upcoming week is one that uplifts and encourages you.

As I've shared before, this quote from Goethe: "an admission of error is a strength rather than weakness." I appreciate your humility in recognizing when you have been less than your best.

I'm in agreement with you. I fare better in life when I live in connection with healthy others.

Thanks for your consistent outpouring of gratitudes. You are exemplary in demonstrating the joy a person can find if s/he but looks for the blessings tucked within each day.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.