Attitude deter-mines how much happiness we will know.
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."Abraham Lincoln echoed this when he said,
"Happiness requires very little, it's all in our way of thinking." [And, I would add, in the choices we make.]
Being grateful reveals itself as a terrific choice. It fills us with hope. It happens as we look backwards with thankfulness and forward with eager anticipation.
We can be thankful because we are not alone. God's love can be ours at all times. He accepts us with grace, not judgment.
We cannot only bond with God but also create a supportive community that loves us unconditionally. This type of support flourishes when developing our discernment and apply boundaries when relating with others.
Despite these realities, a loving God still exists. He answers our prayers. A Power greater than ourselves can provide the sanity and serenity we seek.
A positive vision for our lives can be ours, the choice involves changing perspective.
It happens when we slow down through prayer and meditation and increase our conscious contact with the God of our understanding. We want to pray for knowledge of His will and the power to carry it out. This action mirrors Step 11 in Recovery.
When we are loved by family and friends we know a reality that enhances our joy. Life doesn't get richer than that.
I find sweeping our porch a better option; in doing so, the world becomes tidier. Spewing bile may offer temporary release. Doing what we can about the issue, provides a constructive alternative; "Let it begin with me."
It surprises me how much we stay in our minds, without subsequent action.
"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." Helen Keller
How about you? Where do you choose to invest your thoughts? I'm amazed at what we choose to focus on. Yes, problems can engulf us. Complaining doesn't solve them.
It surprises me how much we stay in our minds, without subsequent action.
Before recovery, I worshipped my mind. It was the result of a classical and thorough education. I used analysis to make sense of the nonsensical.
It was my attempt at trying to control the uncontrollable.
That's futility and insanity. I know it's chic to be critical, sophisticated to be sassy. I'd rather fill my heart with love and praise for the gifts life offers.
That's futility and insanity. I know it's chic to be critical, sophisticated to be sassy. I'd rather fill my heart with love and praise for the gifts life offers.
Don't you agree? My guess imagines you saying yes, or you wouldn't be reading these silent words in this home of gratitude and thankfulness.
Focusing on the problem creates a downer mentality. The problem remains that we are focusing on the problem. With that viewpoint, of course, we'll get upset. I'd rather look at the alternatives as to what I can do, staying in the solution.
Many don't realize that being critical does not reveal an astute analytical mind. Anyone can complain; it's easy to be consumed by a dark spirit, defaulting to this mode.
Many are not aware that being judgmental has nothing to do with their assessment skills. Their viewpoints stem from a heart filled with blame, shame, guilt, and judgment, the five forms of Life Alienating Communication. Frequently, critics are simply continuing the negative legacy of growing up within the toxicity of a negative, depressive, critical home where grace was rarely demonstrated.
Since childhood, many living in a less-than-ideal home were groomed to be critical. It was modeled for them daily. Seeing what was wrong became part of their cognitive and characterological DNA. Having lived with toxic---and usually perfectionistic---family members, the bleak circumstances of their childhood strongly contribute to adopting a critical perspective.
My Gratitudes for Today:
1. My baseball team played today and I watched the game. It was a respite from daily pressures, taking in a game. It slowed the pace of my evening. Baseball remains a game of nuances; it has the speed of yesteryear when life wasn't as frantic.
2. I spoke with one of my older brothers this afternoon. It's lovely connecting with family and catching up on the latest news.
3. Another brother, who lives in Hawaii, by phone, I almost reached. We share a comfortable relationship; we think alike. Besides that, he has a wonderful personality. I treasure the life-long bond we share.
4. I had an open conversation with a son. The openness, thoughtfulness, and honesty we had met my need for connecting on an intimate level. It's great relating with an adult son. Hearing his mature but different perspective was gladdening. Mine remains limited. I appreciate the times we celebrate together.
5. I appreciate patience. It allows me to slow down, when life engulfs me, with the urgent tries to distract me from the important. Turning things over to God, and letting Him carry the burdens of my life makes it more bearable, less frightening, and increases my equanimity, always a good deal.
Related Posts:
Getting Beyond Disappointment
"Happiness is a Choice" Part II
Focusing on the problem creates a downer mentality. The problem remains that we are focusing on the problem. With that viewpoint, of course, we'll get upset. I'd rather look at the alternatives as to what I can do, staying in the solution.
Many are not aware that being judgmental has nothing to do with their assessment skills. Their viewpoints stem from a heart filled with blame, shame, guilt, and judgment, the five forms of Life Alienating Communication. Frequently, critics are simply continuing the negative legacy of growing up within the toxicity of a negative, depressive, critical home where grace was rarely demonstrated.
Since childhood, many living in a less-than-ideal home were groomed to be critical. It was modeled for them daily. Seeing what was wrong became part of their cognitive and characterological DNA. Having lived with toxic---and usually perfectionistic---family members, the bleak circumstances of their childhood strongly contribute to adopting a critical perspective.
This is my choice, dwelling upon the blessings and treasures I have. In keeping with that theme, here are..."Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Philippians. 4:8.
My Gratitudes for Today:
1. My baseball team played today and I watched the game. It was a respite from daily pressures, taking in a game. It slowed the pace of my evening. Baseball remains a game of nuances; it has the speed of yesteryear when life wasn't as frantic.
2. I spoke with one of my older brothers this afternoon. It's lovely connecting with family and catching up on the latest news.
3. Another brother, who lives in Hawaii, by phone, I almost reached. We share a comfortable relationship; we think alike. Besides that, he has a wonderful personality. I treasure the life-long bond we share.
4. I had an open conversation with a son. The openness, thoughtfulness, and honesty we had met my need for connecting on an intimate level. It's great relating with an adult son. Hearing his mature but different perspective was gladdening. Mine remains limited. I appreciate the times we celebrate together.
5. I appreciate patience. It allows me to slow down, when life engulfs me, with the urgent tries to distract me from the important. Turning things over to God, and letting Him carry the burdens of my life makes it more bearable, less frightening, and increases my equanimity, always a good deal.
Getting Beyond Disappointment
"Happiness is a Choice" Part II
Posts
11 comments:
Yes and no on the criticism. It's true it can be simply negativity, but at the same time, if something is clearly wrong, it needs to be addressed. We can still sweep our own porch and offer to help sweep a neighbour's or go out into the world to help sweep porches.
We don't want to point the finger too much but we should point out wrong thinking where there is wrong thinking - which is what you are doing here, right? You are criticizing the critic, so your argument falls in on itself in a way.
Thanks for your comments,Thag.
In this post I address two issues. One, that much of what we think we're doing is more a result of our personal history, where it was modeled for us, in our home to be critical and judgmental. So, we may be prone to do that, even unconsciously. We want to take a look at our motives. Is this something we tend to do? Are known more for our criticism than praise? We may want to take a look at our heart.
Our character is first and foremost a matter of the heart. Christ’s words:
17 “Do you not understand that everything that goes into the mouth passes into the stomach, and is eliminated? 18“But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. 19“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornication, thefts, false witness, slander. 20“These are the things which defile the man”
Matt. 5:17-20
Our speech reveals our inner character, be it healthy or ill, good or wanting.
And, Luke 6:43-45:
[43] "No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit. [44] Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thorn bushes, or grapes from briers. [45] The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks."
“The wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.” James 3:17
For those practicing the Christian faith, the qualities mentioned in this passage from James are to be the characteristics of our speech and behavior; this is living our faith; it isn’t optional.
To see good possibilities, even in bad circumstances, requires having God's perspective. I.e., we can give to World Vision when we see children in need of schooling and the basic necessities of life. We can can sweep our porch through community service work, helping those abused, etc.
My contribution is working (and volunteer work) with many who suffer the affects of emotional, psychological, physical and verbal abuse/trauma. Christians are to shake and shine. We are salt and light, and a city on a hill. (Matt. 5:13-16)
We are not to be a bucket that covers the hope we have in our hearts by simply stating what's wrong with the world. As a manager, I've had many employees come and complain. My response to them would be, "those are great insights. Let me know how I can help you. That's your egg, you hatch it."
“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead the put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” Matt 5:15
Another matter regarding negativity: it is one thing to judge something moralistically. Murder is wrong, evil; stealing is unacceptable, for another example. But to call others names or judge others is another matter, and not our responsibility. We want to address the behavior without making generalizations about the entirety of another person's character. Christ made it clear we are not to even call a person a fool, to even do so is to be in danger of hell.
"Are we known," I meant to say.
I like what you said about addressing negative behavior without making generalizations about the person's character. Jesus is the only one who has a right to condemn each one of us,but He does not. I like the story in John 4:7-26, which records the conversation between Jesus and the Samaritan woman.It is a good example.
Cynthia
Hey there, Cynthia!
Good to see you here. Good stuff, you're right. As I said in Sunday's post, I'm glad that I build up my self worth when I don't base it on what I do or what other people think of me. Also, I'm thankful for my growing discernment. Did you see my post on Spiritual Weightlifting, Part III?
In that post, there are standards laid out that allow us to know if we're interacting with healthy others. As I've said, we are the average of the five people we hang out with. I choose to be with those who are loving, not bitter, kind, not quick to condemn and those who respect, and not belittle us when we differ with them.
One area of vulnerability, if we grew up in harsh, unloving or abusive homes is that we easily lack character discernment. Learning values that allow us to grow is this area is helpful. I'm thankful for Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
It is true that having grown up in a harsh environment it is sometimes difficult to draw a hard line against unacceptable behavior. However, what is the most heart wrenching is the unacceptable behavior I have subjected others to by my actions.I find it easy to forgive others but much more difficult to forgive myself.I say this because just today I lost a friend I cared for because of my insensitivity and disobedience to God. In spite of this I am thankful that He is still the God of all hope. Thank you for suggesting the spiritual weightlifting article. It was helpful.
Cindy
I'm sorry you lost a friend! You must feel pretty sad. During times when I could be inclined to be critical towards myself, I like the following quote:
"Today I seek to become a little more acceptng of myself, a little more comfortable in my own skin. Although it is important to recognize and admit my limitations an flaws, only [God] can remove them.
Condemning my imperfections has never enhanced my appreciation of life nor helped me to love myself more. Perhaps I can let go of all condemnation for this one day. I will recognize that I am on a spiritual path of self -improvement. Every tiny step I take on that path moves me closer to wholeness, healthy, and serenity.
There is nothing more magical than newness - a new flower, a new song, a new baby, an idea that expands our consciousness. I am grateful for the Inn and the reminders of the which direction our Higher Power points me towards. I appreciate you, Innkeeper, for the reminder of staying in a solution rather than fanning a problem. Each time I stay in the solution, I affirm my relationship with my Higher Power, can acknowledge others' role in my broadened understanding and share mutually beneficial results once a solution is identified and implemented. It works even more wonderfully when I infuse my enthusiasm into working the solution, thereby minimizing any tendencies towards resentment - a great revelation to understand how to rise above my juvenile self and allow Higher Power to introduce me to my adult self. Thank you for this glorious reminder!
What a lovely comment!
Thanks for dropping by. I'm sorry for not replying earlier. If you read my most recent posts you'll know I'm recovering from a recent accident. I've been sleeping more than normal, letting my body restore itself.
Thanks for the imagery used in writing your comment, it meets my need for beauty and wonder. I'm also in agreement with your thoughts.
I appreciate your gratitude for what I do. It inspires me to persist in my work as the innkeeper to this home of thanks.
It's interesting---the word enthusiasm means to be "in God" in the original language. The ancient Greeks felt a person overflowing with earnest passion, was "in God." He was at that moment in connection with a source greater than himself.
It must feel good celebrating life and enjoying growing awareness, when you allow your adult self to override what could be trying circumstances.
Hope to hear from you again. If possible, it would be great if you could leave your name at the end of you post. It would allow me to know when you return again, and give context.
Wishing you a fantastic Spring. You won the Attitude of Gratitude Award for the day. Hurray to you!
I am grateful today for the new discovery of what happiness is. Happiness is found within not affected by another person. I can control my happiness.
I am grateful for healthy fellowship with friends that are dearest to me. Because I feel happy within myself I am able to enjoy time with them.
I am grateful of my new discovery that will start with myself in order to be a better mentor to my children.
Tracy,
Thanks so much for commenting in three different places tonight! What a lovely thing to do. Yes, you're right. No one can make us happy, sad, or any other feeling without us giving them permission to do so.
The emotionally healthy people in our lives I call Balcony People. Relating with them helps us meet our need for connection, intimacy and celebrating life. I'm glad you have people like that in your life!
Hope to see you again, soon.
The Innkeeper
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