How are you?Lately, guests to this inn have raced over to visit the new addition here. It has been the most read feature. In less than
a week, more than eight hundred guests visited the "Well Read" tab above. The number of views during this time exceed views of postings that have been around for a month.
Every chapter in this tab, consisting of previous posts, was rewrit-ten. Each was expanded. Wrinkles were smoothed. It is fun, feeling stronger when penning material for this place of gratitude.
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Recently, I faced a strong fear. Filled with dread, I was. Usually I don't find myself in such a place.. A sense of apprehension overcame me. I was relating with one of the most difficult persons I have known.
I told him what he did not want to hear. I let him know through an e-mail. I steadied myself, expecting a battle. I did not want to tell this person the bad news. The news would disappoint him. I was honest, while clear and afraid at the same time.
I said no to a request of his. This person has yelled at me in the past, several times. Working with him, was painful. I work with others to serve, not be abused. I ended our working relationship.
The day after letting him know my answer, I expected a scathing phone call. All day, I checked my phone, certain I was going to feel the heat of his wrath. I scanned my e-mails throughout the day. Nothing happened.
On the second day, he replied.
"I understand," he wrote, "thank you."
That was it. The avalanche of his anger did not happen. The deep anxiety I had about possibly being confronted by this person was for nought. When this recent situation developed, my first thought was avoiding this person. My emotional response was to put off the problem. Procrastinate.
I didn't. Instead, I replied as soon as I received his request. I faced the storm of fears that were stirred by simply relating with him. I placed principles above chinks in my character. I was rewarded. The issue was mercifully settled.
What did I learn:
1. My imaginings do not reflect of reality.
2. I was kind to myself by addressing this issue immediately. I was not a coward.
3. I was reminded the loudest voice, the feelings that screamed within me, are not necessarily the truest.
4. That a positive outcome is just as likely as a negative one. It was true in this case.
5. Being practical is spiritually beneficial. "Huh?" you say? By replying to the situation right away, I got emotional relief the soonest way possible.
1. Surround myself with loved ones, when feeling stress. I reduce the negative mental chatter when I do. My mind is a dangerous place for me to travel alone.
2. Turn over my worries to God. Do my best. Leave the results to Him. I retired the cape of rescuing or pleasing an unpleasant person.
3. Not allow my emotions to overrule what duty tells me to do.
What Do I Need to Confess?
1. I am happy I responded right away to this crisis. I did not allow the little Pablo to drive the bus of my life.
2. I need more time alone with God and good friends. I need to be embraced by my supportive network. Doing this armors me when going through tough times. I don't have to go through them alone.
What am I Thankful For?
1. For the wonderful, unexpected outcome!
2. The positive results that can happen when placing principles above the vulnerable parts of my personality.
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6 comments:
Pablo, I get it about the person you wrote about and the fear and anxiety you felt. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic. He is an angry fearful person. Perhaps his behavior is due to being a dry drunk and having ADHD. He is difficult to be around because of his anger. Nonetheless, I remain a friend by taking what I like and leaving the rest. Difficult but knowing that I can walk away helps. Good that you wrote to him. And good that you received a measured response. Hope all else is well.
I have been in a situation where I promised someone I would do something for them. However due to fear, I chose to put this task off. I agreed to get this done within a week.
Firstly, I'm not too bothered. I have a whole week. One day turns into two, then three. The next thing I know the week is up. I haven't got it done.
Now I start to feel guilty. I've been doing this for years and years. I have become accustomed to pushing down my guilty feelings. This is what I do.
I need to be like you. I need to face my fears and just write. So I did.
Jane G. Yorkshire
Dear Innkeeper,
I couldn't agree with you more in terms of imagination not being reality. I was dealing with something at work that I ended up catastrophizing. Fortunately, two co-workers reassured me that I was doing fine. Grace entered my life. By the way, Jane, I'm sorry for your struggle. However, I think you have a strong writer's voice. Good to hear from you on this post. Cheers!
-CK
Syd,
Thank you for your support. Part of my recovery is not accepting unacceptable behavior. In the story above I let this person know I could not help them any longer. This was almost a year ago.
Then I heard from him again, a few weeks back. He wanted a favor. I could not help. I let him know within forty-nine minutes of reading his e-mail.
I was happy I responded quickly. I took care of me. That was something, because I was triggered. It was definitely a time of placing principles above the vulnerable parts of my personality.
Thank you for dropping by. I always enjoy your visits.
Dear Jane,
Thank you for your comment. I appreciate your honesty.
What do you think can help you overcome your fears? I am glad you decided to fulfill your commitment. Do you feel more relaxed because you took care of this action?
Any ideas on how you can overcome your guilt feelings and just do what you said you would do?
I am curious to hear your reply.
Dear CK,
I look forward to your visits! How is it for you, receiving grace from co-workers? That's a rare gift. I smile when thinking about the sensitivity your colleagues demonstrated. Did you feel encouraged, edified?
I was happy reading you support of Jane. I love seeing teamwork and value your sensitivity towards her.
I appreciate your comments,
The Innkeeper
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