Saturday, February 13

The Six Benefits of Loss, Revised............ 2/13/15

     Tomorrow, Valentine's Day,  we turn our hearts to-wards love.

      I related for several years with someone astonishing.  Her letters reached my
core.  Her writings pierced the walnut of protection that surrounded my heart.  There was satisfying depth. I enjoyed a transparency not known before.

     She offered insights that widened my world.

     I was stretched emotionally.  Her presence disintegrated the protective shell that surrounded my vulnerable self.  I had the same impact upon her.  All we shared was edifying. Our conversations filled me with grace.  I was a better person after spending time with her.

      She took me to places no one else has.  We bonded.  We knew one another well.  Dormant parts of me were were awakened.

      Now this relationship has changed.  Such is the fabric of love.  I am the better because of what we shared.  I am grateful and sad.  What are the benefits of loss?  How about these:

1.  I have greater compassion when others suffer loss.
2.  It forces me to use the recovery I have.
       a. It isn't my lot in life to have everything go my way.  It is producing a realistic perspective of life's outcomes.
I'd modify this.  I'd say we "can" jump.  I'm not. 
3.  It prompts me to be gentle towards myself.
   a. Not everything is about me.                  b.  What has happened is not because I am defective.
   c.  I am not inept. There was not some-thing inadequate about me that caused the relation-ship to end.
4.  My connection with God is stronger.
   a.  This is a time when I am leaning heavily upon Him.
5.  I grew because of this relationship. That is not a loss.
a. I know what I want.  I am aware of what I don't want in a relationship.
b.  My life is richer, fuller because of the time shared with this person.
6.  The absence of the relationship has been a spiritual practice for my feelings.
"No one can make me happy, sad, angry or have any other feeling without my giving them permission to do so." 
   It's okay to feel, to laugh when thinking of joyful times shared.  It is also fine grieving.   When I think, I am not the experience.  When I feel, I am the experience. And my life is richer. 


Anonymous said...

Most people would not normally think about the benefits of loss, just before Valentines day!

I appreciate what you shared.

It gives me a new way to look at loss.

Thank you!

Jane G.Yorkshire

Anonymous said...

Dear Innkeeper,
This morning I wrote a comment to your post, but due to technical difficulties I wasn't able to post it. Usually I would be a little miffed about it, but because of some recovery and serenity, I was able to let it go easily.
The benefit of loss? I was able to at least express what I was feeling. Even if it wasn't shown to the world at least it was shown to me. I was honest with myself. As I said in the earlier comment, I, am the one I've been looking for. I learned my lesson. Taking care of ourselves is done quietly with humility. The humility that Jesus spoke about and lived by, even if the world didn't understand him. Wow! It makes sense because it is I who needs respect. Difficult words to understand for many of us who had a religious upbringing. Perhaps then we'll see the benevolence of grace. The benefit of what we don't need. You get what you get when you get it.

God, grant me the serenity to see your
beauty through me.
Courage to see through the shame.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Thanks, Jane, for your post. Keep posting. I would love to hear more from your perspective.

Thank you, Innkeeper.

Thumper said...

Dear Pablo,

I am so happy that you had such a wonderful experience with this amazing person that so profoundly touched your life. I am humbled by the way you are handling the loss by seeing all of the gifts that you received from the relationship- connection, growth and compassion. I will use this as a valuable lesson about life and how to handle loss.

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