Family, Friend and Fourth of July 7/6/11

    How is everyone?
My Fourth of July was fine. My sons, a friend and I spent the day together, enjoying the patriotic occasion in warm weather tempered by breezes from the San Francisco Bay. We gathered at 9:00 a.m. and hung out until 8:30 p.m. At that point I spent the rest of the evening with one of my sons until 12:30 a.m.

     Witnessing a parade, allowed us to take in some Americana. There's something to be said

Responding, Not Reacting Part II (Saving a Relationship, in the Process) ..7/5/11

Good morning everyone!

It's a lovely outside.  The promise of a lovely summer is today's reality.  I'm luxuriating in California weather: it'll be in the 70's today. No humidity, a cool bay breeze making the day's weather fantastic. Meeting a new client today is something I look forward to, it's like a blind date. 

            I oversee a business meeting today.  Sometimes  they are contentious, an opportunity for me to practice grace and patience.  Nine years working in a psych hospital, dealing with out-of-control moments, prepared me for occasions like these.  Wish me luck

Responding, Not Reacting

         My middle son and I stayed up last night, baking a Devil's food cake.  I like 'em tall.  So, it's  a double layered chocolate delight with crushed almond slivers spread on the sides.  It's soul-satisfying spending in-depth time with a son.  

          At the beginning of the evening, we hit a rough patch, before we started the evening project.  Empathy goes a long way in restoring frayed relationships.  Such was case last night.  Everyone enjoys being heard.  1 (See footnote) 

         Connecting to the feelings and the needs beneath our feelings, helps.  When I understand what's going on within another person, their needs are more likely to be met.  Hostility or defensiveness does not help, during tense moments. When the beast of my son's anger raised its head, we addressed the it's needs.  We fed it. We didn't slay the critter. The creature became happy and went to sleep, satisfied. 

         Responding versus reacting, I've found works best.  I've learned, that for every year I spend working on my character, I get one second of response time---when crises arise. This  past April 3rd  made it seven years since I've been applying new ways to respond to crises.  Seven seconds of response time, is my lot. That's plenty of time.

        I respond, not react; click here for more about this.  It's been good thing, a relationship saver, a serenity saver and a joy producer.  It helped, last night.  Our evening could have ended poorly, with my son and I parting ways.  

        Fortunately. we reasoned and loved things out.  He's a terrific young man.  Bonding sometimes occurs when shoulders and hands touch, working together.  Last night was such an opportunity.  I'm indebted that it helps when we place principles above our personality. 

       As we baked, decorated and ate warm, moist cake, the night was also consumed with calmly enthusiastic dialog.  We bonded.  Having an adult son wanting to spend time with me warms the soul. Entrusting me with his feelings and thoughts is not something I take lightly.  I'm a lucky guy.

So, My Gratitudes for Today:

 (Yes, this is a chocolate color)

1. The weather is fabulous, the birds are chirping and I hear the buzz of lawnmowers hard at work this Summer day.

2.  My son and I made memories last night that will last a lifetime.  He encountered, once again, that what he says is more important than anything else, when we are together.

3. The smile that slowly lit upon his agitated face when he saw that I was emotionally available for him, along with my ears.  He realized I cared.

4.  I'm grateful for the difference seven seconds provides. It allowed me to respond and not react.

5.  For the gift of a fatherhood. It provides me a deeper understanding of  God's unconditional love for me. It is humbling knowing He loves me more than I cherish my sons.  God delights when I open myself to Him.  That's called prayer.

 

 Related Post: 

Responding Not Reacting, Part I

1. We even like hearing ourselves, listening to our soul speak to our heart. To do so, we have to learn to relax and make ourselves still.  "Be still and know I am God." Psalms 46:10

Activity, school, work, projects, obligations all helped me focus outward.  That way I didn't have to rest long enough to feel how frightful my...life was. 

There is nothing wrong with working hard and producing results, but I was abusing these activities.  They were socially acceptable ways to deny [listening to] my feelings. Both family and society supported my hiding behind them until, [I'm] beaten down and exhausted.   Courage to Change, page 198

Fourth of July: Great Time Was Had

We learn from the mistakes we make and the suffering they bring. The universe is a soul-making machine, and part of that process is learning, maturing, and growing through difficult, challenging and painful experiences. The point of our lives in this world isn't comfort, but training and preparation for eternity. Peter John Kreeft  (Photographer's caption.)

   Good morning, gang,

I got in a little while ago. I hope your Fourth was grand. Our time as a family was wonderful. More to be revealed after I get some shut eye.

Gratitudes:

1. Great weather.
2. Great time with family and a friend.
3.  Lovely views, all day.
4.  Fabulous conversations. I appreciated the honesty and transparency we had with one another.

Connecting with God---- Being Judged by Others 7/3/11

 
     Hello everyone,

The computer I use is acting up. At some point I'll take it in, it needs to be overhauled. It's crashed four times while writing this post.  Each time, I lost what I wrote. I don't memorize what I write so, those thoughts are lost.Gee whiz!

      I rested earlier in the day; later, I met with friends. The weather was warm, but not unbearable, sort of comfortable, like our family cat, Tigger.

         A subject came up when I  was with others, "what do we do, to draw closer to God?"  Mind you, this was not a meeting at a church. There were many who were from different religious persuasions, or of none.  Some had different lifestyles. I marveled that this subject was discussed calmly. No heated arguments ensued.  What is your answer to this question? I'd love hearing your replies.

Gratitudes from a Rested Innkeeper

        Good evening everyone,

Or, good morning to you early birds, who drop by this inn, as I'm sleeping.  I'm back. Rest, it's wonderful and refreshing. I woke up this morning, exhausted, my mind in cobwebs. I fumbled around throughout the day. I studied, but was tired. At 5:15 p.m., Left Coast time, I took a five hour nap. Wow!  I feel better.  Soon enough, I'll bed down again, I want to keep my body on a reasonable time schedule.

    I had emotionally demanding experiences this week, they are physically exhausting. Typically, I have lots of stamina. Listening to our weary bodies and getting the needed rest serves us in good stead.

My Gratitudes for Saturday:

1. As we approach a patriotic holiday, in the U.S., I'm mindful of the fabulous nation in which we live,

Random Gratitude Thoughts and Bon Mots from the Innkeeper (Also this blog is featured by a new organization.) 7/1/11

  Good evening,

Eight hours of sleep, I had last night; it felt great. I don't know if you can tell---- that's not something I regularly do. My body and mood felt rested throughout the day.

      My gratitudes before the clock strikes midnight--I'm slipping them in, under the wire:

1.  I relish the way my body feels. I'm glad I took care of myself and slowed down.
2.  An especially wonderful time with friends last night made my

Open for Improvement (Also, a trivia question for ya.) 6/30/11

"In His hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind" Job 12:10  (Photographer's caption)

    Good afternoon everyone,

Welcome a new follower to this inn, Bubble Gum.  May you find hope and encouragement during your visits to this inn. Keep coming back. John Chapter 10, great seeing your picture in the followers page.

    How has the week been for you? We've had crazy weather over here in the Bay Area, rain and cool weather, followed by beautifully warm days with no humidity. The flowers above are a small gift for those who've written in this week. Thank you for doing so, I enjoy connecting with you and the community and fellowship we share, when you do.  Please continue sharing your gratitudes, I enjoy hearing them.

    As most of you know, this inn has been open for three months. The paint isl fresh and the wood paneling in the guest rooms still gleam.  May I ask you to give this innkeeper feedback, tips and ideas for this inn? What topics do you think would be good to discuss?

Why We Visit the Attitude of Gratitude Inn. Also, What Happens When We Go It Alone: Learning From Robert E. Lee ..............6/29/11

      I'm sharing the following with you; it's the goal of this inn:

One of the gifts I've received ... is maintaining an attitude of gratitude.  Before...I didn't understand the true nature of gratitude.  I thought it was the happiness felt when life happened according to my needs and wants.  I thought it was the high  felt when my desire for instant gratification was fulfilled.

Today.....I know better.  Gratitude is an integral part of my serenity.  In fact, it is usually the means of restoring my serenity whenever I'm straying from it.

Maintaining Our Values In Spite of Pressures from Others 6/28/11

     How are you?

I'll talk about the topic of forgiveness at the end of this post.  Thanks for dropping by. Be sure to have a cup of coffee and sit down, before reading this post; it's a bit longer than most.  Please take what you like and leave the rest.
Having Our Voice, Exercising Boundaries

Disagreeing with Others is Part of Being an Adult

         One of my favorite quotes is on the right.  What's appealing about that quote?  Freedom. It's important maintaining integrity with our values, even if it upsets others.

Our Ideal Self Isn't: Awareness of This is a Big Step Towards Taking Care of Self 6/26/11

         Hello everyone,
In just a moment, I'll get to Taking Care of Ourselves and "Our Ideal Self Isn't." Welcome to our visitors from Australia, thanks for dropping by. Keep coming back, perhaps share a few of your gratitudes. Our guests from Malaysia, thanks for dropping by regularly. I hope you are doing well.
       Absolutely fantabulous, were the past seven days. (Yep, a made up word.) Where do I start? I'm still glowing, basking in the three days spent with my sons. We had a good time at an ice cream parlor; traveling afterwards along scenic country roads, which wound their way through three canyons.
       Our trip took us to country that offered