Saying What We Want, Not Being Controlling......... 8/17/14

       An in-depth conversation with someone dear, for five hours and fifteen min-utes.

        During this difficult conversation I exercised a patience I did not know I had.  Stating what I wanted, I did.

       Like  having a thousand biting ants crawling up my legs and remaining still was it to be calm and quiet, while I listened. I resisted blurting out the confused thoughts exploding within my head. Instead, I allowed time for her to digest what I said.

Recovery: Responding, Not Reacting. Calmness In the Eye of the Emotional Storm, Part V .... ....8/16/14

     "You can't move in the house," the rental agent said over the phone.

      "What?" I asked.  We had made arrangements a month and a half earlier. While listening to him blather on, I tired to relax by taking deliberate, deep breaths.
   
       At some point I heard him say, "The owner changed her mind."  Listening to his words,  I felt anger, confusion and startled at the same time.

Not Taking the Short Stick of Life. I Deserve Better..... 8/13-14

 Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable.                               Denis Waitley

      I give up.  A circumstance worse than being the twentieth person in line at a checkout stand in a supermarket---with each person before me having fifty items---has no appeal.  Reading the National Enquire of disappointment while waiting for life to improve,  no longer interests me.   I do not like feeling so low I could go outside and play handball against the curb.  I have reached the frazzled end of the rope of my patience.

     Recently, I was knocked back, by the bullets of reality. Facing the firing squad of truth terminated several hopes and dreams.  Now, I am moving forward, unencumbered by the anchor of codependency.  Tolerating unneeded frustration is a no no.  Codependency is surrendering our values and opinions because of fear towards

A Tired Innkeeper Making Decisions 8/12/14

    Good evening, I return after resting from my  innkeeper duties Sunday and Monday.  Exhausted and mentally not up to my innkeeper tasks is where I find myself.   Mulling over issues, too.
   
Gratitudes:
1. Making significant decisions I am.  Freedom, autonomy, clarity and assertiveness characterizes any conclusions I make. It is recovery that makes this possible.
2. This morning, I helped  someone dealing with past abuse. There's a tool I have used for more than ten years, that provides healing from

Rumination and Depression ...... 8/9/14

         Overthinking is easy.  The problem is, doing so often leads to depression.

       “Your mind goes round and round over negative events in the past, problems in the present or bad things you’re worried will happen in the future,” says Nolen-Hoeksema, who pioneered the study of women’s rumination and depression and is considered the go-to expert in the field.

        And this inability to release bad thoughts and memories can get you down.

        “You rehash events and analyze them, but don’t do anything to

Careful Consideration, Deliverance From Drama, Balance and Boundaries ..... ...................8/7/14

    Hi there.  Almost refrained from posting this evening, I am tired.  Straight to gratitudes, I will go.
1.  Rest.  I am going to bed as soon as this post is done. I will sleep in tomorrow.  Ya ay!
2.  I am happy.  Two special moments happened yesterday.  I will treasure them, forever.  My soul soared before becoming

Being Loved, Revealing Feelings, Not Concealing Them With Judgments ................. 8/6/14

Happiness surrounds us, if we
but look for it. It isn't so much
 that unhappy people complain.
It is that complaining makes
 us unhappy. 

      Wow.  I am happy, loved.   The second part happened today.  I received  huge gifts today.  The best of the entire year.  I am thrilled in every possible way.

     After writing Tuesday's post, I studied six hours---all of it involved writing---preparing for a 10:30 a.m. meeting.  Out of it was birthed new material. I shall share it here.  I went to bed at 6:20 a.m., this morning, sleeping four hours.  I'm fine.   Refreshed really.  This happens when I find my life expanding---reaching into new valleys of joy I never knew existed.

     However, my head is

An Intense Evening In the Life of the Innkeeper 8/5/14

     Presently, there is a recurrent theme in my life.  You know what it is.  Patience.  I had my house wifi-ed yesterday.  But it is not.  After three hours, it was gone.

     AT&T promised to make it right today, Tuesday.  Didn't happen.  I waited four hours, rescheduled appointments, even, losing money, all for naught.  Being the Attitude of Gratitude guy, I see this as an opportunity to do more than count to ten.  I need to forgive.

Forgiveness is not forgetting, it is letting go of the hurt. Courage to Change, 178

     In my case, it is frustration I am wrestling with, not hurt.

     ***

      There is a night when I don a coat of armor, engaging in weekly combat of the emotional kind.  Last week, there was a reprieve.  That was great, as I was physically wiped out.  Thank you, God.

      Not so, this week.  Ugh.  I am getting better, though.  Never have I had a client like the one I see on this night.  Never.  I am routinely slugged with judgments about me.  I am not a masochist.  Nor am I codependent.  Something I am proud to admit.

      Codependency: surrendering our values or opinions because we fear the anger or reactions of others, if we say what we feel or want, or differ with others.

      I am getting tougher, in a good sense, because of my weekly jousts:

Maturity is moving from a thin skin and a hard heart to a thick skin and a soft heart.                                          Charles Swindoll

     This client helps me exercise detachment.  I responded, not reacting.  A younger Pablo would have let her have it.  No, that is not me, now.  She's lucky.

     Here's the thing: empathy does not mean agreement.  I used it this week to de-escalate a volatile session.  I was proud being grounded while relating with someone who used emotional bullying to motivate me.

        "You are supposed to support me!!" said she, when I state a view that differed from hers.
        "I am sorry.  I am not in agreement with you.  I did not say you were wrong."  I said.
        "I pay you to listen to me!!!"
        "That is not how I work. We cannot become the person we want to be, by remaining the way we are."  I replied.  "Besides, you have spoken for the past fifty minutes. I am confused by your statement."
     
        When I mentioned many have benefited from time spent with me, including those who suffer from her symptoms she yelled, "I am feeling coerced." She stood up walked towards me, turned around, returning to the couch and sat back down.
        "Have I asked you to do anything?"
        "No."
        "Can you tell me how I can say what I said tonight, without you feeling that way?" I asked.
        "You are to make me feel better!"
        " I have never had anyone tell me how I am to do my work.  I will not let you be the first.  Do not judge me.  We operate as equals.  Pronouncing judgments is putting yourself in a superior position.

        "I have a need for balance. Just as I am respectful towards you, I ask for you to equally be respectful towards me.  Your desire to get healthier has to be stronger than my desire to help you. "

         How was I, as this verbal storm swirled within the room?  Fine.  At ease.  Present, noticing how I felt, calmly smiling, while listening to the tirade.  My breathing was relaxed. It was like being back in the psychiatric hospital, where I worked for nine years.

         At the end of our session she gave me a big hug, with a smile and an additional twenty-five dollars.  Go figure.  The evening goes to prove that being true to our values is critical.  We may be tested to see if we really stick to our values.  But, that doesn't mean we won't be respected for maintaining our integrity.

 My Gratitudes:
1.  I am happy my peace of mind is not affected by the negative emotions of others. No one can make me feel happy, sad, or any other feeling, without me giving them permission to do so.
2.  I am internally referented.  I clearly know what my values are.  I do not let others define me.
3.  I will have a look forward to conversation Wednesday morning.
4.  I took a nap after finding out I wasted my time, waiting for help from AT&T.
5.  I spoke my truth with someone yesterday. She apologized, and will make amends.  That is heartening.
6.  I am adhering to my boundaries.  It feels good, being true to myself.
7.  I am loved by many.  And, I don't have to do anything, to be appreciated by them. It is sensational, knowing intimacy with emotionally mature others. It provides me with the emotional object constancy I need.

How About You?
What are your gratitudes?  Please share them. 

Disappointment...... 8/4/14

        Awhile back, I encountered a big-time disappoint-ment.  It was a surprise requiring time to process, emotionally, mentally.  I had to handle my sadness and anger, because I was misled.

        What did I learn from that awful

The Innkeeper Was Duped: Lessons Learned............ 8/3/14

       My life is better than it was ten years ago.  Better than a month ago.  Better than a week ago.  The nice thing is that with each new day,  my life becomes more how I want it to be.  Can't beat that.

        Years ago---more than ten---my understanding of life was
cerebral.  Poor me, I was that stupid.  :->  Life was devoid of the joy and excitement that happens when we are in touch with our felt-sense, that part of that makes us feel alive, emotionally.  I knew about boundaries going back to