Life, Ever Vibrant, If.......................... 10/7/14

      I did not plan on writing tonight.  Be-cause of my recent ongoing condition---exhaustion. This eve-ning's commentary will be simple.  I would like hearing your response to yesterday's post,

Freedom From Fearful Fantasies That Prevent Dynamic Living 10/6/14

     I love the pro-gress I see with most clients. They are handling a tyrant that lives within.  A dicta-tor, their default mode is.  He us-ually shows up when they are stressed.

    Clients are gain-ing freedom from false fantasies.  Illusions develop-ed in the past---as children---often cloud their per-ceptions of present-day real-ity. It is tinctured by the drama-filled perspective of childhood.

     The behavior of many people reveals these phantoms are every-where.  Life reeks of them.  Unaddressed, they poison our soul. They hamper confidence.  Success will be crippled.

     To enjoy recovery, phantoms of fear must be faced and confronted.

 If we want to overcome passivity or a negative outlook.  It is dan-gerous dwelling within our head.  Especially if false assumptions and paralyzing outdated beliefs suck out whatever courage we have.

      Yielding to them, our relapses will be many.  Our growth will be sparse.

"The damage done in childhood cannot be undone, since we can-not change anything in our past. We can, however, change ourselves. 

"We can repair ourselves, gaining our lost integrity by choosing to look closely at the knowledge stored inside our bodies, bringing this knowledge closer to our awareness. This path is not easy.  But it is the only route to leaving behind the cruel, invisible prison of [the abusive aspects of] our childhood."                               Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child, The Search for the True Self,  2. 

     Ignoring the past is to not see how it frequently influences present actions.  The shadow of the past will continue haunting our present lives, whether we are aware of its impact or not.  It is living from the perspective of our wounded childish selves, not aware that this reality of youth no longer exists.

"[It is] living in their repres-sed childhood situation.... They are continuing to fear and avoid dangers that, al-though once real, have not been real for a long time."              Drama, 2. 

      I help clients learn how to stay present.  They use the strength and principles learned from sessions. Their adult, stronger self stays with the vulnerable little self.  They comfort the child within.  When this happens, it often the first time this little one has received comfort dur-ing a time of stress.

     I love the work I do.  I thought I'd give you a window into its nature.

*****

My Gratitudes for Today: 
1.  I love taking care of me, something I didn't do for decades.  It is critical tending to the little guy who lives within me.  I'm letting him have fun, too.
2.  I was present with someone, expressing my voice, hurts and values.  There was no effort at manipulating the outcome.  I tried discovering

it, instead.
3.  I love the clarity of mind I have by living by healthy principles.
4.  I experienced disappointment recently.  I was hap-py seeing my reaction: none. I did not react. I respond-ed.  Key to happiness is learning it is our job, dealing with life's disappointments.  It is not anyone else's.  No one can make me happy, sad, angry, fearful or any other feeling without me giving them permission to do so. (Paths to Recovery, p 13, penultimate paragraph.)

      My feelings are my respon-sibility.  Other people's emo-tions are theirs.  And never shall the twain intersect.

      That only happens when I am boundaryless.  Or if I am co-dependent.  I am neither.

       I am responsive to, but not responsible for the feelings of others.  I take responsibility for my feelings.

How About You?
    What are your three gratitudes for today?  You heard mine.  When you post comments here, you add to the community we share. 

The Joy of Being Threatened....... 10/3/14

I love the skyscape.  Image: "England: Northampton
-shire: Summer Day" by Tim Blessed.  Copyrighted
 photo.  Used by permission. 

      This week, someone threatened me.  It helped me see where my source of joy lies.  It wasn't the area he threatened . He touched a place where I was vulnerable as a kid. I don't let others determine my moods or define my reality. 

      This person's behavior left no doubt about his character. No way in heck will I befriend him.  He's entirely unsafe.  He does not respect others.  Instead he tried using the hammer of fear to motivate.

      This person tried intimidating. We wanted to drag me into the alley of fear.  He thought he could mug my serenity.  He was hoping to rob me from the joy that is a strong part of my life.  He is controlling: trying to manipulate an outcome.

Or keep on liking you. 

      That's insulting.  I don't take lightly, being treated like a child.  Fortunately recovery lighted up the alley.  My equanimity was untouched.

        He was not loved as a child. His past did not pollute my present.  Meanwhile, he remains an unhappy man.  Conscious and aware people look for other conscious and aware people to relate with.  He isn't one.

****

   The following are my highs for the week that ends tomorrow:

Highs: 
1.  Surprises from God.  Good ones.   People wanting my services.  Delighting in great times with others.  I like making my life count.   Nothing of value is gotten cheaply, without struggle and sweat.

2.  For a life that continually improves.  My life grows richer, by the day.  Sometimes by the hour.  I am happier than I have ever been.
3.  Knowing God.  I appreciate His love.
4.  For balance.  In spite of being buffeted by many competing demands, I take care of myself.  I made time.  I  watched the playoffs for major league baseball.  I love the San Francisco Giants baseball team. They are playing in the postseason.
5.  Creating new material for clients.  I empty out my thoughts on paper.  Clients enjoy taking home material that helps them.
6.  I met with a terrific client. Our time together is a joy.  We speak the left-handed language, we both being lefties.  Right hemispherically oriented, we are.  I walked him to his car, when the session was done.

   Before we parted, he asked for a hug, right there, on the street. That made my day.  :->  I love authenticity, com-passion and connection with others. What an amazingly excellent, positive bookend to the crappy one I had at the beginning of the day, with the guy who threatened me.

How About You? 
What were your highs? 

Grateful for Many Things, Trusting God for One in Particular........ 9/30/14

     I just got in from working tonight in Alameda until 10:00 p.m.  Afterwards, I did errands and shopped for food. Tonight will be to the point.

My Gratitudes: 
1.  I faced fear and overcame it, sorta.  Still, it wasn't easy.  I am less resilient because I am tired, a lot, due to number 3 below. I am getting stronger because of number 13 below.
2.  I have a plan that is providing me hope, the result of help received yesterday.  I will test

What Is Communicated Is Not Necessarily What Is Heard..... 9/29/14

      Thank you, for keeping me com-pany, dropping by. Today was demanding, but there isn't a more satisfying job than the one I have.   I am also happy providing this cozy place in cyberspace.

        But, I am worn out; almost not

Being a Zombie............ 9/27/14

      How are you?   Me?  I was a zombie Friday.  Could not see straight by the end of my work week.  Muddled thinking, incapable of studying---a rarity for me, an epistomophiliac.

       Even though I am happy, I was good for nothing by five o'clock yesterday.  Ended my week seeing five clients Friday, three via Skype.

      Today, I slept for

Expressing Our Voice Part III...... 9/26/14

Having Our Voice, Exercising Boundaries
      A favorite quote is the one listed below.  What is appealing about it?  Freedom. It is important maintaining integrity with our Values, even if it upsets others.

    A point of clarity.  I do not suggest using our freedom to excuse rudeness.

    Expressing concerns, kindly, when something troubles us, is

Relating With Difficult Others.... 9/24/14

      A guest to this inn once said:

"Try doing having acceptance when your almost 8-year-old makes weekly mass an exercise in humiliation!"

      I imagine it must, at times, be frustrating,

A Grateful Innkeeper........ 9/22/14

My Gratitudes for Monday: 

1.  I enjoyed hours spent with someone special yesterday.  The companionship, compassion and emotional safety shared recharged me for the demanding nature of this week.  It was great being with  I was with someone whose grasp of life is beyond my abilities.  I am stunned when I am

Beyond Button Pushing---Abiding With Triggered Feelings, Getting Healed .............. ...................9/21/14

Image: "Cumbria: Hindscarth from High Spy"  By Tim
Blessed.  Copyrighted photo.  Used by permission. 

     I felt like a little boy in an ice cream parlor this morning. 

    The source of the delightful occasion: time spent with someone as filling as a Cobb salad at Fenton's Ice Cream-ery---a huge meal. We enjoyed an up-lifting