Courage and Support Helps Us Face Our Fears 9/29/17

      I  hope your day was fantastic.                                                                                                   If not, you are in the right place.  Having an     Attitude of Gratitude is critical if we want to get the most out of life.  It is the forward driving perspec-tive that enables us to thrive.                                                                   For more about that, please click here.  It's best seeing what can be done.  Better basking in the blessings we have, than live with regret and fear. 

       Below is a quote about the self-sabotaging nature of fear. May these thoughts help us face and overcome it. 

     My growth involves re-versing old ways of thinking. It was my habit avoiding painful feelings and sit-uations. It was better playing it safe. To avoid risk. [This is being controlling.]

     But life in-volves one risk after another.  Pain is unavoid-able.  Life is learning to accept what is.  This is no longer being engaged with reactive living. 

     When we are reactive, we are not moving towards wholeness, healing or progress.  We are living by default modes that do not serve us. 

      Instead of feeling helpless or hopeless, I look at the source of my distress. I sort out my feelings and process the needs beneath them. This is taking an honest look at myself and my situation. 

    As a result, I find that pain passes more quickly, and what I gain is freedom from fear. 

    I can reach out to a supportive friend or God, and pray.  I can meet with others who care about me to find the courage to deal with fear, pain, and risk. 

    When I  avoid taking risks, fear is always with me.  It is over my shoulder, waiting to claw at me.  

     Now, I face this beast.  I wake the tiger of fear. I come out the other side of its den, usually unscathed. I no longer keep a constant watch for danger. Now, I occupy myself with living.

    Wonderful things can happen today. I welcome the thrill of participating in my own life.

****** 

'Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.'    Helen Keller

              If we are not failing, we are not trying.  And if we are not trying, we are not truly living.  What is the upshot of trying and failing?  We took our shot and were shot down.  But we are still standing.  

     The words to the left, expressed by William were spoken in 1604.   They are still true more than four hundred years later.  Progress occurs when principles are placed above not only our personality but also above our fears. 

         Sometimes this requires taking life not one day at a time.  

       It can be better stepping out in life for fifteen minutes at a time.  We place one foot in front of the other.  We are taking baby steps.  

       This is seeking God's will. We are relying, moment-by-moment, upon His power.  Not ours. 

       It is easier, facing difficulties in small increments. Next, we B-R-E-A-T-H-E!  Then we repeat the process for the next fifteen minutes.  

       And the next, and the next after that, and so on.  This is being present and practicing being in the presence of God. 

     

    It helps hav-ing a supportive network of great friends.  When we do, serenity is ours. Why? Because we no longer make decisions or take action alone.  

      We are in a community.  We are experiencing an emotional connection at the highest level. 

       We are finding safety in this treacherous, challenging world.  We enjoy inclusion, we are appreciated, valued. We are bonded with others who have our back. 

       While flying the airplane of life, our good friends and our relationship with God rouse us to-wards the exit. Yes, while we are in flight.  Encour-aged, we leap out the door of adventure.  We leave the comfort of routine living.  

       We have broken free from the status quo, remaining the same. We are plunging into discovering  what is.  This is living. 

It may be scary. But being present is necessary for personal growth and a fulfilling life. It is taking risks.  It is no longer playing it safe.  

       We confront uncomfortable outcomes, calmly, with confidence. Living fully is embracing and overcoming negative realities, calmly, with confidence. We banish the stultifying nature of a control-oriented life. 

       No matter how fearful life appears, we can be empowered.  The support of excellent, confident, emotionally healthy friends provides the trapeze net that allows us to fly and spin under the Big Top if life. 

        We are connected to our Higher Power.  Like the first picture in this post, we are not alone.  We free-fall into a world filled with adventure, vibrancy and satisfaction.  
   

     We move away from our death grip of  being controlling.  

     The result is knowing better friends.  Our relationships are deeper, more meaningful. When we are controlling we create distance and distrust.  

      No one likes being manipulated.  Our friends prefer authenticity. It provides respect, intimacy, and a give-and-take nature that everyone wants. 

       Our supportive friends and our relationship with a loving, gentle God are our parachutes. Healthy principles and recovey guide us so as we safely descend upon the landing zone of a richer, more thrilling life.

        May your day be bold and fearless. 

Creating A Better Today................ 9/24/17

       Beyond pretense. That was our subject.

      A friend of sever-al decades-----a Bal-cony Person of mine, and I lunched. The freedom enjoyed when facing our vul-nerabilities was covered.

Becoming Comfortable with Discomfort........ 9/14/17

        What does it mean to feel elated, frustrated, excited, and disappointed simultaneously?  That we are embracing emo-tional maturity.  With it,   dif-ficulties do not distract us from life's beauty. 

          When living by healthy principles---using recovery---crises do not shock us.  We do not dive into the greasy chute of despair created by our nega-tive thinking, and challenges no longer distract us from the good surrounding us at all times.

         Recovery teaches us the value of connecting with healthy others. When we are internally referented and grounded with God, our nega-tive outlook becomes positive. As we do, our emotional fortitude develops. 

        As we work on our character, we establish our "Must-Haves" and "Can't-Stands."  It provides the oxygen necessary for our relationships to move in a wholesome direction. 

        As we cultivate clarity about our values, our sense of direction and confidence grows. 

         Recovery encourages us to link individual successes with every difficulty we face.  Over time, this practice of resourcing crowds out dread; confidence begins to replace fear. 

         Routinely exercising this practice of resourcing pro-motes strength of character during crises we never dreamed possible.  

         One of the fruits of recovery is stopping negative mental chatter from depriving us of the ongoing beauty life offers.  Being confident in ourselves and knowing freedom from the need to please, we delight in parts of life we once routinely ignored---like the beauty of skyscapes---the formation of clouds.  

         Recovery helps us develop the habit of having a grateful, joyous heart even when the roots of our emotions are shaken by stress or relat-ing to unpleasant people.  We can enjoy life even when rattled and processing problems.

         Ruminating and perseverating over our fears and anx-ieties become a thing of the past when internally referent-ing becomes our default mode.

         Embracing differing emotions means frantic thoughts no longer rent large spaces within the territory of our mind.  Life's difficulties do not rob us of delighting in life's treasures. Recovery principles prevent us from letting others define us or determine our moods.

        With recovery, we become comfortable with discomfort.

      Personal growth allows us to know ease when encounter-ing emotional distress. Our feel-ings function like the dial on an old fash-ioned radio. Living by healthy princi-ples, we tune out the static of negative thinking.

       We use the discipline recovery offers to overcome anxious thoughts and perseverating.

Worry is like a rocking chair.  It gives us something to do but it gets us nowhere.                                  Hope For Today, p. 98

        We dial in on the soothing music of the good surrounding us, even during tough times.  Like:

1.  The good, nurturing, upbeat, gracious, non-judgmental friends who support us.

2.  Beautiful patterns in the clouds.
3.  The scent of a freshly cut lawn.
4.  A simple gift we bought for ourselves that prevents us from having a spirit of poverty.
5.  The love, smiles received from family.
6.  Great, in-depth conversations filled with presence and authenticity.
7.  Turning off the computer or TV and curling up with a good book on        a cold day.
8.  Taking in the magnificence of outstanding music.

         We can choose.  We can tune into the frequency of fear or choose the mental bandwidth that provides solace and equanimity.

        Recovery returns us to the innocence of a two-year-old before becoming aware of life's complex nature.

        With emotional resiliency, we luxuriate in the beauty and peace we can soak in--right now--despite our circumstances.  Past and pre-sent scars no longer distract us from enjoying the best that each day offers.

       With personal growth, flowers along country roads can be taken in because mental chatter no longer distracts us.  Once produced by the ugliness of life, mental dialog becomes replaced with a new and better quality: gratitude.  We. Slow. Down.  

      We enjoy the now, the present, relishing life's beauty.

      Savoring recovery, we become free from the mental stream of worry.  Walking in the city becomes a soul-satisfying exercise.

      Wild-flowers sprouting from sidewalk cracks, once easily over-looked, can be appreciated.  Recovery frees us from the dis-traction that despair and fear create.

    Recovery helps us overcome distorted thinking that origin-ated in childhood.  When this happens, obsession no longer rules us.  Instead, we develop a greater appreciation for na-ture.  We replace unsatisfactory cop-ing patterns with new and better alternatives.

       We taste joy and strength we did not know existed when we do this.

      Living with the strength, confidence, and optimism personal growth offers, we no longer become distracted from life's beauty because of the grip of fear and apprehension.  Our perspective becomes balanced; we take in the excellent and satisfying parts of life along with its thorny issues, including emotional vampires. 

       Recovery slaps away the hands of anxiety.  With it, fear loses its grip on our soul.  Personal growth involves placing healthy principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.

      When that happens, dread disappears. It is replaced with emotional vigor and love for life.  Recovery gives us new eyes and an open but discerning heart.
       Simple things once ignored get no-ticed.  New colors to life surface we never thought possible.  Life vibrates as never before when we have recovery.

       With presence, we drink in the riches life offers the laughter of a baby, the cooing of an infant pas-sing by in a stroller, a wildflower springing from a city sidewalk. 

       Smiles of others are appreciated because we no longer go through life mechanically, without feelings.  No longer do we go through life trying to please others we do not know, spending time and money we do not have in ways that do not nurture us.

       Life and joy intoxicate us when we live with recovery.  Mini spontaneous celebrations become a natural part of our daily routine.  Simple pleasures abound when we enjoy presence, free from worries and the need to control.  Spiritual regeneration takes place.
     

       Simple pleasures be-come ignored when we let the demands of life push these treasures from our consciousness.  The joy of life often disappears when we become captive to painful memories.

        Relationships can devel-op, rich, and textured.  When that happens, authentic con-nections heal emotional scars.  These deeper friendships occur when we become codependency-free.  

        Liberation from this disease creates authentic connections because we are present, not trapped by distorted thinking or the need to please others.

         We become healed when we weave recovery into the fabric of our lives.   Using discernment, we re-move the frayed threads of unsafe people who have attached to us.  Toxic relationships develop our distorted thinking, includ-ing negative self-judgments. 

        Healthy relationships help us unload false beliefs. They rid us of twisted think-ing that our defensiveness and fear load into the truck of our minds when we are inse-cure.

        When codependent thinking is replaced with boundaries, fears diminish when we spend time with others.  Banished is the need for approval, and we have confidence in our best efforts whether others agree or not. 

         We give ourselves credit, even if we don't receive vali-dation from others.

         Recovery builds our self-esteem and eliminates unnecessary self-judgment.  Accepting unacceptable behavior no longer becomes our default mode.  Freed from the baggage of trying to please others, our mind enjoys greater peace.

         We are happier.

         Recovery frees us from reacting.   Obsessive fear becomes replaced with calmness.  We surf the uncertainty entailed in any relation-ship.

        We become more comforta-ble with discomfort.

        We now respond, and there is less reaction when life's drama ap-pears.  Our friendships are enriching.

         Our healthy friends offer grace and truth.  These connections become a soothing balm from life's scratches.

         Compassion and the absence of judgment in our friendships make our supportive network a safe haven.  Discernment keeps us from engaging in black hole friendships that suck our energy.

        Applying boundaries are the key to creating a safe com-munity of friends.  Recovery helps us navigate away from the treacherous waters of unhealthy relationships.

        Living with healthy princi-ples, the result of recovery, we remain present when challenged in a relationship.  We don't let "what ifs," fears, and assump-tions distract us.  Equanimity, peace of mind are enjoyed.

        Because, again, we do not let others define us.

"When the applause of others is the reason for our behavior and necessary for us to feel satis-fied, then we have given them power over us." 

                                  Courage to Change, p. 9

        We do not let mental chatter rob us from getting the most out of life.

       We know the complexities of life require more than black and white thinking.  We learn to pick out the burs of goodness embed-ded even in the ugliest blankets Life may toss our way. With emo-tional maturity, uncertainty and discomfort are wel-comed friends.  With it, we have enduring peace of mind. 

         With recovery, we are not triggered by awkward, anxious moments.  We become comfortable, not stres-sed when an outcome is unknown. We look forward to riding the clouds of life, exploring our personal stars, and climbing the moun-tains set before us as we move beyond insecurity and our controlling ways.

         Most of all, we enjoy being present.

        Recovery involves em-bracing what we encounter. We discover our role within life's circumstances.  The world does not revolve around us.

         We surf the waves life tosses our way.  We adapt to life's situa-tions.  We listen carefully to God and decipher what he is saying to us through the orchestration of events.

         It's that simple.

         As a result of personal growth, we see that certainty can be sameness and death.  Being stagnant creates an end to our character development, and it happens when we remain the same, not pushing ourselves to evolve for the better.

        We stagnate when we do not replace unfulfilling and ineffective habits with new and better behavior.  A safe person, however, con-stantly grows.
         

       With recovery, we learn to be less sure, more ourselves. When we are our au-thentic selves, we enjoy what life offers, including its chal-lenges.

         We have no need for control; our focus is on the com-mon welfare of everyone when fac-ing a problem.  We do not feel the need to protect ourselves against the vagaries of life.  When we reach this stage, we are present.

        And life becomes richer and more satisfying than we ever dreamed.

A Helpful Thermometer of People's Character 9/4/17

Now they are lemon flavored, not lime

   The other day I spoke with some-one.

    Not using discre-tion, and being unwise, I said something that made her feel awk-ward. (I bet you would like to know).  She stopped me.

     "I want to be