Between Reverie and Reality..... 7/31/15

The Fairmont Hotel. Opened in 1906.

     So much to say, only my left fingers to type with.

    No, my right hand was not amputated. I broke its wrist, with a Barton fracture.  First time I ever cracked a bone in my body. Since 10:00 pm, Monday, pain

Slamming Against a Hard Reality....... 7/28/15

      I write tonight, dictating on my smartphone. I have an ice pack on my right wrist. My left knee has its skin removed, creating a red circle one inch in diameter.  My right

Another Waterfall Ride ................... 7/26/15

      Another waterfall of a ride this weekend.

       Joy splashed against cliffs of anguish.  Floating upon the river of elation, my soul was later pum-meled by boulders of remorse for my stupidity and lack of sensitivity. Stunning, gliding mo-ments upon the river of bliss were matched with the free-fall cascade of sorrow this morning. I felt confusion, loss, early this afternoon.

      Not now.

      Yet, I prefer this jum-ble of feelings, than living meagerly, as a pauper, because of a life lacking

The Key To True Riches, Abundance and Joy........ 7/24/15

       My head spins.

       It luxuriates in good fortune.  Riches beyond measure are overflowing the trea-sure chest of my expectations.  I am grateful, my smile has never been wider.

An Affirmation of Life: Dreams Coming True........ 7/20/15

        More to share than the number of nuts in the mouth of a success-ful chipmunk.  But these facts will be squirreled away from guests of this inn.  Four hands typing simultaneously, for eight+ weeks, could not document all the good happening, the past two months.  Details will be spared. The innkeeper writes tonight while wearing his cloak of

Warmed Over Death, The Need To Connect and Love First ................. 7/17/15

      It gave me the creeps.

     Someone wrote a comment here, at the inn, at 8:15 this morning.  The second time he has posted in four years.  It had no heart.  The com-ment was deleted.  How easy it is, staying in our head.  Warmed over death.

     The last two sentences sounds like a a lyric doesn't it?  Don't mind me, I've been listening to Neil Young's music lately. And I

Intimacy---Transparently Transcending Outdated Fears and Vulnerabilities.................... .......7/14/15

      Being honest.

      Often hard.  False beliefs block the way.  We think we'll be rejected, the object of scorn if we ex-press opinions differing from the crowd. 

    Rejection does not define us.

    Instead, it reveals the character of those rejecting us.  Their derogatory behavior allows us to witness their "isms"  

      We can separate their behavior and unfortunate attitudes from who they are.  Blame or judging those with whom we have difficulties does not solve our problems.  We want to continue valuing them as individ-uals. 

      It is common to be infected by doubt, the anxiety of not fitting in.  Especially when we deal with a conflict.  Often, fears are the offspring of outdated lessons from youth.

     We cling to invalid conclusions, not reality.

      As children, we may have suffered when being trans-parent. A false belief we hold on to, now, is that we ask for grief when we are authentic or express our values.

      In reality, we have an opportunity to exercise resiliency and forgive-ness, how to be positive, in spite of any difficulties that arise. 

     

      It is not that happy people are thankful but that thankful people enjoy and experience happiness much more than those who are not thankful. 

      It's emotionally healthy noticing what prompts our fears when they appear.  Instead of resisting emotional pain, it is best focusing on what is going on within us when we are upset.   Not because we are masochists.

      Our intent is seeing what transpires when facing this black beast that instills terror.  What image surfaces?  What are we feeling?   What are the needs beneath the uncomfortable emotions?

      Compassion towards our vulner-able selves is our focus.  We are not judging our pain.  We stay with it, not resisting it.

      It's best evaluating generalized fears in light of current circum-stances, present reality.  When we do, often we'll encounter mental freedom from old mental goblins that goaded and harassed us in our youth.

      We'll find, like ghosts, our fears vanish, upon scrutiny--- when placed in the light of reality.  

      Holding on to the goblins of fear makes these monsters grow.  They become more disturbing.  If we submit to negative thoughts, fear haunts our psyche, creating dread.

      Most sources for un-ease are our imaginings, not reality.  There is little substance behind them.  Ack-nowledging our anxieties---facing them, staying with them, seeing where they take us---usually diminishes the generalized discomfort they produce.

      We want to be in touch with our feelings, not flee them.  Avoiding them is reactive living.  Such living does not move us towards prog-ress, or healing.

       Not at all.  Emotionally, we are responding like a child.

      We demonstrate psychological maturity when we stay with our negative feelings.  We show deeper maturity when surfing them.  This means:

"Accepting the fact of a situation, then deciding what we will do about it.  Acceptance can be empowering because it makes choice possible."  Courage to Change, Al-Anon Family Groups Headquarters, (Virginia Beach, 1992) p 256

    This is responding.  This is taking our life back.

      We do not need to be frightened by the waves of negativity slapping at our happiness.  Our feelings are a gift.  Our negative feelings are a red idiot light on the dash-board of our emotions.

     A negative feeling reveals a need of ours---perhaps several--- is not being met.  Positive feelings let us know the reverse, our needs are be-ing satisfied.

 "Courage faces fear and     thereby masters it." 

       When relating transparently, we don't need to be perfect.  We reveal who we are---the good with the bad.  We don't mind being honest about our struggles.

       Comfortable in our own skin, we are.

       What makes this vulnerability possible is a healthy support net-Iwork.  When surrounded by good company, it is okay to fail.  It is no big deal. 

       It is important for our emotional well being remember-ing our failures do not determine our worth.  Nor do they define us.  We are not defined by what we do.  

       We can pick ourselves up when we fail.  With our friends, our worth is not related to how well we perform.  With good com-pany, we will always experi-ence acceptance.

       We are not de-fined by our failures.

        Our friends may not approve of our behavior.  But we are accepted for who we are, the good along with the not-so-good.  We are simply loved.

        Safe People---emotionally healthy people---are committed to us.  They have empathy and our back.  Empathy from others does not mean their agreement, but their ongoing gentle compassion and listening ear.  

       This is something we deeply need.  For many, we grew up with constant judgment.  Emotional safety provided by healthy friends is the indispensible antidote for old feelings that we never measured up to the standards of family, school, or church.
   

       It is something sorely need for souls wounded by blame, shame, guilt, fear, or judgment.  Being gra-ciously loved by supportive friends reminds us that for peace of mind, like our supportive commun-ity, we also need to be gentle towards our weaknesses and failures.

Condemning my imperfec-tions has never enhanced my appreciation of life or helped me to love myself more.  Courage to Change, p. 19

       It is essential finding people who prefer truth to being comfortable.  Avoiding honesty to protect others from feeling uncomfor-table or ourselves from their reactions, if we are honest, is insincerity.  Let me say that again.

       If we are a chameleon about our values, adapting them to whatever group we are with, we are as phony as a plastic flamingo stuck in our front lawn.  When others accept us, they aren't, really.  They are accept-ing the false person we present to them.

        Without transparency, we will not laugh all of our laughter.  We will not cry all of our tears.  Without authenticity, life loses its fullness.

         Strong, authentic connection is impossible.  There's a word for strong contact.  Intimacy.

       Living trans-parently, shedding our chameleon skin, can be our reality.  And does it feel good!  It also heals our souls.

      Being authentic brings genuine friendships. This is a great source of emotional health.  It allows bonding with others as we have never experienced before.

         We are also moving towards greater wholeness, health, and per-sonal growth.  When that happens, we will have An Attitude of Gratitude. 

The Pathway to IIntimacy: Being Transparent ..... 7/10/15

     Being tongue tied.

     Fear, being timid, or having low self-esteem prevents us from speaking the truth. We are op-pressed by others, we lack courage to stand true to

How to Have a Rich Life...................... 7/8/15

    Surprise.  I nor-mally post late at night, after my evening is done.

     Having a rich life is not about money. It is about living life fully. Abundance is not in how much we have, but in how much we enjoy.
  
    A mixture of feelings percolate within. The main thing is I am hap-py, more than content.  Over-joyed, in a quiet way,

Speaking Our Truth, Why We Don't............... 7/2/15

         Saying what we want.

         How difficult it can be. Fearing the reactions of oth-ers. It makes us feel like walking on egg-shells.  

        Wanting to please, we have a false belief.   We think our needs are less important than others. We are not honest.

       We agree---outwardly. Yet in-wardly, we protest.  We do not state our opin--ions---what we want or do not want.

      We comply. Inside, we fume. Being authentic is hard.  

     Often, we fear rejection if we are. We dread disapproval. Expressing our feelings and wants doesn't happen.

    We fear ruining the relationship.

    Big question. What type of relationship is it if we can't be honest? Is it worth having? I say no.

        Not express-ing our true selves does not let others know the real us. Nobody's needs are met. How empty is that?

        Our need for connection and closeness is not met. Intimacy---to know and be known is not satisfied. The need for others to under-stand us is neglected. 

       Relating genuinely with others---doesn't take place.

      The ancient Greeks used masks in plays. The classic tragedy and comedy masks we know. They indicated a performer's role.

       Built within were megaphones, ampli-fying the character's voice. This is where the mask got its name. Personna.

       Per---meaning through. And Sona, referring to sound. The personna was the image a character portrayed while "sounding" through a mask.

      This is the source for the word "person." More than 2,700 years later, it re-mains true. Many people continue to speak through a giant mask, not revealing their true selves.

      We say, "I'm fine," when asked how we are. While the fact is we aren't. Our relationships are as tasty as shredded wheat.

     That is an insult to shredded wheat. That fiber-filled cereal is tastier than insincere, inauthentic relationships.
     

      Today, I was honest. I was angry with someone. This person had not seen me this way.

       A rare occurrence. However, there was no mask. I said what I wanted. I expressed what I didn't like and what irritated me.

       It.  Felt. Good.

      There's nothing wrong with anger. It's how we express it that's important. We can be intense without being frightful. With strong emphasis, I stated my feelings without judgment.

       This required noticing the judgments and seeing where I blamed others for my feelings.  

       Instead, I took responsibility for my emotions. Our feelings are our property. No one can make us angry, sad, happy, or have any other feeling without us giving them permission to do so. 

       In today's case, I removed the "shoulds" I had towards this person. I felt much better. I connected fully with the deeper needs underlying my negative feelings.
 

     I expressed the needs not being met. When I did, I felt immediate relief. It did not require the other person to change.

       I was now standing in my power and recovery. I was faithful to values I hold dear, acting with integrity. My life became manageable.

      How did I experience release? By expressing my feelings about my needs fully and with intensity. But I was not scary while angry with the person who upset me.

      I took responsibility for my feelings, not blaming her. I did this by expressing the depth of my emotions about my needs not being met. They were said without judging her.

     

      Because I did, the other person heard me. Thank God for recov-ery. I responded, not reacting. My needs to self-express and enjoy peace of mind were met. And for that, I have an Attitude of Gratitude.
Gratitudes: 
1. My life is richer beyond my imagination ever considered. I am thankful for all the blessings I enjoy.
2. I enjoy being present. I am not hampered by fear or anxiety. I love discovering where my relationships will go, not manipulating out-comes.

3. The nature and depth of my friendships. It satisfies my soul, con-necting with others, where loving, considerate honesty is matched with integrity, authenticity, compassion, and emotional safety.
4. I am happy helping people from different corners of the Earth. Yesterday with a client in Austin, Texas, and one in Reno, in addition to those I saw in person in San Leandro. Today, I had a session with someone in Bavaria.
5. I love the confidence that recovery offers. I love being free from codependency and the discretion/prudence recovery gives me. I am bathed with the garlic of recovery----it keeps emotional vampires away, freeing me from toxic relationships.

How About You? 
What are your gratitudes for today?