More drama than happens in a mid-afternoon soap opera transpired this weekend. Before today started, I was physically, mentally wiped out. Yes, really. A tsunami of unpleasant feelings and negative thoughts crashed uponme. These soul-jolting waves engulfed me Friday, Saturday and today.
This recent tossing upon the waves of anxiety had positive results. I'm not minimizing what happened, just an honest appraisal. Comprehending the direction of my life is the outcome of the turbulence encountered the past few days. As the waves receded, reality---not conjured horrors---was left behind on the shores of my consciousness. It looks pretty good.
Yes, I was was vigorously seized, mentally, physically and spiritually. But, now I have a better grasp of my future. And I am happy.
Making it worse, someone else was with me, during this time while I was hitting myself with a mental bat of self-condemnation, a rare occurrence for the innkeeper. I am authentic, even during the worst moments. My eyes drooped, my smile disappeared, my heart sank along with my stomach. To my friend, I said, "This is what I look like when I am flummoxed." Honesty. Transparency. Always a good thing in a relationship.
******
My Gratitudes for Sunday:
1. So thankful for being gentle towards myself, after getting over my initial shock, when I obliterated something I wrote that would have been useful.
It is good forgiving others. Often, it is greater forgiving ourselves. It certainly got me out of my funk when I made a mistake.
2. For time with a dear friend. I was elated with our visit. The time flew----nearly four hours together.
3. For the clarity enjoyed with my friends, the Safe People in my life. We are present with each other. This quality is greater than charm or good looks. Without character, a relationship will not last. If it does, it will not thrive, nor be satisfying.
4. For courage. This weekend, I asked perhaps the most important question I have asked in the past twelve years. The reply was more than gratifying.
How About You?
What are your three gratitudes for today? You heard from me, please let me hear yours!
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2 comments:
Dear Innkeeper,
I am grateful for
1. A most needed bike ride and walk tonight, while deeply appreciating two new cd albums.
2. My oldest son who turned ten on Friday. Not every one is blessed with three boys. I am very blessed.
3. Reading another wonderful book by Alice Miller entitled, The Body Never Lies. What an amazing eye-opener. It has given me the courage to honor myself more than anyone else.
4. Watching the small growth my youngest son has already made with
writing in kindergarten.
Thank you,
Tony
Dear Superman/Tony,
Thank you, for your visits and comments. You son is growing into a young man. I,too, have three sons. I agree, they are a blessing.
I am jealous. I haven't read that book. When you can, tell me more about it. I'd love hearing what you are learning.
Your son is smarter than me. I did not start writing until the first grade.
You make my day when you drop by and you make me feel that my efforts as the innkeeper are worthwhile. You have my prayers as you go through your day, tomorrow, Friday.
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