Sunday, October 19

Experiencing a Tsunami.......... 10/19/14

       More drama than happens in a mid-afternoon soap opera transpired this weekend.  Before today started, I was physically, mentally wiped out.  Yes, really.  A tsunami of unpleasant feelings and negative thoughts crashed upon
me.  These soul-jolting waves engulfed me Friday, Saturday and today.

      I can't wait to get back to work.  Its tension and demands will be an oasis of welcomed relief compared to the past three days.  And yet, I am happier, after enduring this roiling of my emotions and equanimity.   Now, upon the rock of clarity I firmly stand, the product of facing my fears and worries.

       This recent tossing upon the waves of anxiety had positive results.  I'm not minimizing what happened, just an honest appraisal.  Comprehending the direction of my life is the outcome of the turbulence encountered the past few days.  As the waves receded, reality---not conjured horrors---was left behind on the shores of my consciousness.  It looks pretty good.

      Yes, I was was vigorously seized, mentally, physically and spiritually.  But, now I have a better grasp of my future.  And I am happy.

      While in the midst of my feelings being jostled, tossed upside down and spun around in the vortex of my imagin-ation, the situation was worsened by a mistake made this morning.  Rarely do I feel despair; today, I did.  Felt like a dummy, actually.  I shut down my computer to reset a program.  In the process I erased an elaborate outline I wrote, something I desperately wanted to use today.  Ugh.

      Making it worse, someone else was with me, during this time while I was hitting myself with a mental bat of self-condemnation, a rare occurrence for the innkeeper.  I am authentic, even during the worst moments.  My eyes drooped, my smile disappeared, my heart sank along with my stomach.  To my friend, I said, "This is what I look like when I am flummoxed."  Honesty.  Transparency.  Always a good thing in a relationship.


     The visit went well, better than expected.  Joy returned.  But my reserves are totally depleted.

My Gratitudes for Sunday: 
1.  So thankful for being gentle towards myself, after getting over my initial shock, when I obliterated something I wrote that would have been useful.

      It is good forgiving others. Often, it is greater forgiving ourselves.  It certainly got me out of my funk when I made a mistake.
2.  For time with a dear friend.  I was elated with our visit.  The time flew----nearly four hours together.
3.  For the clarity enjoyed with my friends, the Safe People in my life.  We are present with each other.  This quality is greater than charm or good looks. Without character, a relationship will not last.  If it does, it will not thrive, nor be satisfying.
4.  For courage.  This weekend, I asked perhaps the most important question I have asked in the past twelve years. The reply was more than gratifying.

How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today?  You heard from me, please let me hear yours!


Superman said...

Dear Innkeeper,
I am grateful for

1. A most needed bike ride and walk tonight, while deeply appreciating two new cd albums.

2. My oldest son who turned ten on Friday. Not every one is blessed with three boys. I am very blessed.

3. Reading another wonderful book by Alice Miller entitled, The Body Never Lies. What an amazing eye-opener. It has given me the courage to honor myself more than anyone else.

4. Watching the small growth my youngest son has already made with
writing in kindergarten.

Thank you,

Pablo said...

Dear Superman/Tony,

Thank you, for your visits and comments. You son is growing into a young man. I,too, have three sons. I agree, they are a blessing.

I am jealous. I haven't read that book. When you can, tell me more about it. I'd love hearing what you are learning.

Your son is smarter than me. I did not start writing until the first grade.

You make my day when you drop by and you make me feel that my efforts as the innkeeper are worthwhile. You have my prayers as you go through your day, tomorrow, Friday.

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.