Thursday, September 17

Overcoming a Visit From a Ghost of the Past................ 9/17/15

         Nine days ago it happened.

        The circumstances were a long time in appearing.  The tension that came with it, the sick, empty feeling in my stomach, soured the evening.  At least, initially.  It didn't get better until I took care of myself, shutting things down, literally.  The feelings was the return of a companion who hadn't
visited in years.  Cold sweat showed up, another uninvited guest.

Peace comes not from the absence
of conflict, but from out ability
to cope with it. 
      I was studying at the kitchen table.  That's when I first heard it.  Was it the radio?  The neighbor next door?  I heard two young women screaming from there, a month ago. This happened during a session.

        No.

       The profanity-laced screaming was not a drama blared from a cable program from a nearby TV.  Stepping outside, the source of the disconcerting distraction became clear.  The fight I heard came from the house diagonally across the street.  To the left of mine. The banshee lived there.

       She's a stocky blonde college coed who wears a ponytail.

       From the house that has a fire hydrant in front of it she screamed. Obscenities screeched for two hours.  It was about her not having a car. This only daughter railed against her parents.
    This week, a third auto, a used blueish-silver one, was added to the co-ed's driveway.  There won't be any more yelling.  At least for awhile. I hope.

    Sad memories revisited when hearing the com-motion that evening. The recalled thoughts were not of screams. Tension, negativity and the duration of the young woman's tirade was the ghost haunting me.  The sense of helplessness.  Fear pulling at my stomach, too. I felt those emotions all over again, that evening.  Am I thankful my life is not surrounded by loving friends.  Warm memories and joy replace the darker moments of my past.

     Freedom from acrimony I have.  The result of cour-ageous steps I took thirteen years ago.  I left a toxic relation-ship.  Liberty from disturbing emotions, like those which erupted from the home with the fire hydrant, I know.  This freedom was taken for granted.

     That unpleasant evening birthed greater gratitude for harmony.  I have stronger appreciation for the healthy relationships fueling my life with strength, not despair.  I now know intimacy, not condemning attacks from those seeking their way at the expense of my hurt.
    I had forgotten how life once was.

     Many years have passed since I was trapped in a negative environment.  The screams that pierced this recent awful night could have stolen my joy.  It could have robbed the peace of mind I know.  Instead, I shut all the windows.  I thought about calling the police.

      I decided against bringing them into the verbal fray.  A book was opened.  I studied instead.

               *****
      Today is my first day of semi-health since Sunday. Hi there.  Yes, it has been a long time since I showed up here.  My schedule is tight. This week it improved.  Sickness slowed down the normally intense pace of my schedule.  Good. "He maketh me to lay down in green pastures." This week He certainly did.

       Less clients seen this week.  Spent much time in bed.  Allowed my body to recuperate from dizziness and stomach upset.  Feel better now and am glad being with you.

Gratitudes:
1.  Peace comes not from the absence of conflict but from my ability to cope with it. I took care of me the night of the local disturbance.
2.  I may not be able to control my circumstances but I do have control over how I choose to respond to them.
3.  For not being addicted to drama. If I want that, I'll go the movie theater.  That way, I can leave it there when I go home.
4.  For improved health.
5.  For rest and sleep during the day.
6.  For being in touch with my body, easing up on my schedule when I felt depleted, weak and sick.

How About You? 
What are your gratitudes for today? 

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Pablo,
I can relate with your neighborhood incident triggering your past.
I unfortunately get triggered like that from "loved ones," but by the grace
of God, I'm learning to see other people for who they are, and who they
are has nothing to do with me. Even I have been able to see that when
my old traumas are inflamed, I'm learning to see it as simply
my body reliving old traumas from childhood. Even though I can't remember
the memory, it's ok. The trauma is not who I truly am. I'm still working on this, but
it's hard. The conditioning is strong. But this is the path. Thank you Pablo. I'm
glad you healed and got the rest you needed.
Love,
Tony

Thumper said...

Hi Pablo,

This post reminds me of how I can easily get triggered by the behavior of others. This usually happens when I am in the presence of toxic and angry individuals. When this happens, I now remind myself to be present and to try and not let the trigger take away my happiness and well being. I sit with the discomfort and name my feelings aloud. Then I state my needs underneath my feelings and I find that the feelings eventually leave. This is new to me and I am finding that with practice I will be less depressed, fearful and reactive. I appreciate you and this blog that teaches me so much about healing.

Quotes from the Posts

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From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

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From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

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"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

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