Six Steps to Emotional Resiliency ............. 6/30/15, 1,100th Post

    Thriving during difficult times.

     Emotional resili-ency. The stuff that allows us to not cow-er to abusers.  It is inner strength that prevents us from surrendering when the feet of our character are put to the hot coals of stress.  Resiliency is  relating with difficult people. While  maintaining our confidence.

     Our happiness is not robbed.

     Hara Estroff Marano, Editor-at-large for Psychology Today, wrote in "The Art of Resilience" 

Resilient people do not let adversity define them.  They find resilience by moving towards a goal beyond themselves, transcending pain and grief by perceiving bad times as a temporary state of affairs.  It's possible to strengthen your inner self and your belief in yourself, to define yourself as capable and competent.  It's possible to fortify your psyche.  It's possible to develop a sense of mastery.

    Yes, there is hope.  The following are strategies for over-coming stress. Do you want to know how to overcome unpleas-antness?  Interested in thriving when circumstances have their hands around the throat of your joy?  Would you like to maintain your dignity and freedom while under pres-sure?  Read on.

    Resilient people know the value of:

1. Boundaries.  Resilient people do not let others or circumstances dictate their moods. They clearly know who they are.  Stress plays a part in their story.  But it does not overtake their identity.

     We are not what happens to us.  Let me say that again.  We are not what happens to us. Resilient people weather rough times well. They use boundaries.

     Resilient people have a firm understanding of what they will accept. They also know what they will not tolerate.  This understanding is their shield.  It protects them against the dragons of manipulators and vulnerability.  Standing true to their values protects them from emotional predators. Boundaries shield emotionally hardy people from emotional wilting when stressed.

     They don't know this information mentally.  They act out their principles, applying boundaries. They are fearless.  They do not get their worth by how others react.

2.  Seeing the Big Picture: present persistent pressures do not narrow the vision of the emo-tionally strong, those with strong character. They eye steps that remedy their dire circumstances. They stay in the solution.  Resilient people do not use inadequate coping measures.  Strategies used as children are abandoned. They are seen for the inadequate ways of handling stress that they are.

      Passivity is dismissed.  Seeing life from their Victim Story is re-placed.  They view life from the strength, hope and love that is within their lives now.  The resilient take responsibility for their lives.  Making excuses or not standing up to difficult times are not measures they take.

      They have the psychological and emotional wherewithal to handle pressures. No longer do they respond like children.  Past coping patterns that had them stuck emotionally and mentally when faced in dire times are tossed away.  Staying present allows them to operate from their present strength and power.

3. Emotionally stable people---those who face the storms of life with equanimity---are clear about their identity. They realize they are not what happens to them.  Calmness during trying times comes from perspective.  Circumstances fluctuate.  Resilient people don't. They surf---not fight---the waves tossed their way.

4.  Those resilient keep good company.  They surround themselves with emotionally mature others.  Balcony People give them space to grieve. They help resilient people work through what troubles them. They don't chide nor give advice.

     With this supportive network, transparency is possible.  A safe environment is possible. Authenticity and vulnerability is expressed. What ails the resilient is voiced.

   The good news about having such a network is that, with practice, we develop our ability to express our needs.  This caring community plants seeds. We learn how to commun-icate.  An environment is created, allowing us to declare our wants. With practice, we take this skill out into the scarey world.

     With the practice in expressing ourselves within our supportive community, we move beyond its safety.  We develop emotional strength and verbal skills that enables us to confront tormentors, manipulators.

     A good support network involves braided relationships. These are relationships that go beyond superficiality.  We can be real with these people, unveiling our vulnerabilities without being judged or shamed.  These relationships undergird us during times of trouble.

      While a chain is as strong as its weakest link, a rope is as strong as its strongest strand.  When we emotionally or situationally fall apart, the strands of good company bind us together.  All of us were meant for this kind of bonding.

5.  Emotionally resilient people know what they need to do more of, less of, what to stop doing and what to continue doing. This requires making time to do an inventory, usually the last thing on our mind when in crisis.

6.   Key is knowing our vulnerabilities. And admission of our weak-nesses is a sign of strength, rather weakness. "Pride goes before the fall," the saying goes. Same is true when we operate as a Lone Ranger, in our strength, using our mind alone, not from the strength gotten by living within a community of Balcony People.

How About You?
Do you have braided relationships that hold you together when you are afraid and the rope of  your life is "a-frayed"?

      I look forward to your visits. I'll see you later today.  May you have a great and grateful day!