A Lifechanging Month ............... 4/27/23

    I have no idea what I'll write, a common theme when contrib-uting a new post in this inn of thanks.  I'd love to hear from you.  Many of you are Silent Readers. 

    You drop by, taking in the of-ferings of this inn of gratitude. I imagine your attendance informs me you enjoy this positive place in cyberspace. This posting is the 1,470th 

    That number surprises me,

too. 

    Thoughts of this month invariably bring smiles. 

     Nineteen years ago, on April 3rd, 2004, I began an empowering jour-ney.  The start of my soul's healing, sought since a child. 

    Nearly 20 years ago started my enlightenment. Social blindness suf-fered since childhood was replaced with emotional maturity, hope, and a vision for life beyond my wildest dreams. 

     Happiness en-sued.  Like growing peas, I learned how to cultivate better, safer, healthier rela-tionships. With new-found knowledge, authentically con-necting with others flourished.

      I began to see my prior existence was darkness, compared to what I discovered nineteen years ago when beginning my recovery journey. I discovered how to handle manipu-lators. Aggressive individuals and narcissists are now sent packing.  Joy and tranquility increased twenty-fold. 

      In 2004, I let go of the loin cloth I wore as a social aborigine while living in the urban forest of the San Francisco Bay Area.  

      I replaced this meager wear with pants of social and emotional maturity.  My character grew as I applied emotional aikido when as-serting my needs. My joy overflowed once I replace confusion and passivity with nonviolent communication and assertiveness.

     Getting fortified in emotionally healthier ways is emotionally in-toxicating.  Being valued and loved for our present selves, not what others want from us is soulishly satisfying.  Reciprocally connecting, and having balanced relationships deeply heals encourages our souls.   

     Our need for authentic connection is met.  Our relationships with emotionally mature others who cherish, not exploit us. Balance becomes the hallmark of our connections with others. 

     Our people picker is fixed. 

     Exercising discernment permits us to enjoy the warmth of healthy, invigorating friendships.  They encourage and provide support for us during frightful times. Genuine friends meet our needs for connection and emotional safety, too. 

     I started attending Al-Anon Family Groups (AFG). Absorbing its literature and principles healed me from codependency.  Attending its meetings developed my boundaries.  This organization consisting of emotionally safe individuals provided laser-like clarity about enjoying life and having healthy relationships. 

     Through this sup-portive fellowship, I have become more socially aware.  My connections demonstrate balance and fairness. 

     Once, I was unfair.  To me.  I believed being nice meant ignoring my needs.  

     Now, I know better. I consider what I want in addition to the needs of others.  I am happier. 

     In recovery, we learn that authenticity and the common welfare in our relationships are central and celebrated,  Dominance is seen for what it is-- attempts at control. 

      Because of what I've learned, I have my voice. I now express myself with confidence, using assertive honesty.

   

    I show respect while letting others know me. Aggressive honesty is the oppo-site: telling the truth but not respecting the needs of others. 

      This derogatory way of dialogue is  Life Alienating Com-munication.  We are alienating the life in the relationship.  Do-ing so creates dis-tance and distrust. 

     AFG principles replace gameplaying with authenticity.  We ac-knowledge others while equally expressing our needs.  Controlling others is replaced with genuinely connecting and celebrating our differences.

     We realize that if we are exactly the same as others, one of us is unnecessary.   

     Personal growth helps us to listen to understand, not to reply.  Reciprocity, mutuality, balance, and fairness mark the dialog we have when enjoying healthy relationships. 

     AFG teaches us how to love ourselves in ways beyond what we ever imagined. Life is more than accommodating others. Expressing our perspective is essential for fulfilling friend-ships.

    Our happiness multiplies and our satisfaction in life grows when we feel what we feel and express what we want.  

     My relationship skills im-proved because of this program. No, Al-Anon is not another name for Alcoholics Anonymous. For more about it, please see here. 

    I am thankful this fellowship showed me how I can increase the compassion and forgiveness I want for myself. My life is gentler, smoother, and happier. Filled with tranquility, peace of mind, and plenty of smiles.