The Healing Power of Patience and Awareness............ 3/19/21

    Being patient towards ourselves. 

    An ongoing process, but, boy, it calms us down.  We are being gentle towards both the good parts of us and the areas where we want to grow. 

   It helps to be lenient to-wards our mistakes.  Instead of condemning ourselves, we possess greater peace of mind.

Condemning my imperfections has never en-hanced my appreciation of life or helped me to love myself more.   Courage to Change, p.19

    Accepting ourselves, including our vulnerabilities, reveals emotional maturity, the result of recovery.   No matter how much we try, we will never grow beyond being human beings. 

    Slowing down---being patient--- we enjoy victory over our reactive self.  Our limbic system becomes triggered when threatened.  Genuine patience gives us peace that transcends difficult times. 

    Yes, a thrilling process to know.   It reflects a monumental paradigm shift in our emotional maturity.  We are responding from a place of emotional stability. 

    This ability does not happen overnight.  It takes time.  In recovery circles, we discover we are endowed with one second of response time for every year we work on our negative, defeatist, default modes and the false beliefs created in childhood, usually due to abuse.  (For more on overcoming false beliefs, created by our emotional, not rational selves, see here.)

 "Each character flaw must be replaced with a new and good quality."  One Day at a Time, p. 280.  

    Working on our vulnerabilities and negative default modes creates the foundation for enjoying equanimity, being at peace during turbu-lence, the essence of recovery.

    Recovery-based patience requires disciplined waiting (as described in poster number one above).  We no longer rely on our strength.  Instead, we draw clarity and increased personal power by abiding by wise principles.  (See the end of this post for an idea.)

    Rarely do children have these principles taught at home or school.  Instead, they are learned later in life in recovery groups, through their literature, and through sponsorship.

    Recovery offers a long-range perspective.  It sees the bigger picture, not just concerned with the immediate moment.  It helps us pause before acting.  

    Having a far-ranging point of view, for example, in-cludes loving be-fore leveling with others.  We con-nect before cor-recting.  The results are healthier, provid-ing happier exchang-es and greater harmo-ny.

    Recovery-based patience slows us down.  We. Take.  Our.   Time.  An old proverb tells us, "The full soul [one with maturity] loathes the honeycomb."  Proverbs 27:7

     He or she does not immediately pursue what looks attractive or tasty.  He or she holds back, seeking discernment when relating. 

    But, "For the hungry soul, [a desperate person] every bitter thing is sweet."  The needy individual rather have any relationship---even un-healthy ones---than none at all.  This will be the cause of much future suffering and regret.  Proverbs 27:7, the conclusion.

     With patience, born from recovery, we wait.  We sift those we encounter.  "A prudent man sees a danger and withdraws, the simple continue on and suffer for it."

     A smooth road to life requires discretion. 

     Recovery-based patience helps us bond with emotionally safe peo-ple.  We will enjoy reciprocity, and balance in the relationship.  We want to enter relationships with discretion because who we con-nect with remains critical to our welfare---we are the average of the five people we spend time together with. 

     Bonding with emotionally healthy others who offer us loving acceptance by far provides for our greatest human needs: emotional safety, harmony, love, and appreciation.  

      Patience when vetting relationships leads to tranquility.  There will be less drama and greater authenticity.  The race does not always go to the swift, especially when getting to know others. 

      There are variables more important than productivity, efficiency, and success.  Awareness, in addition to patience, remain crucial for happiness.  Being results-oriented can have us overlook the beauty nature offers each day because we are caught up with busyness. 

    Awareness involves being mindful of principles that enhance our lives.

    It is more important than being productive.  Awareness enhances our focus.  With it, we avoid aim-lessly doing what is before us without seeing if it fits with our goals. 

   Operating without focus, or awareness, we can easily mis-take activity for accomplish-ment.  

   It similar to a commercial airline pilot's announcement to the passengers on his plane.  "I have good news and bad news," he said. "The good news, we are making tremen-dous time, the tailwind currently moves us faster than we thought."   "The bad news, I don't know where the hell we are!"

    If we aim at nothing, that is exactly what we'll get.  

   Awareness changes that predicament.  We move beyond busyness when we are aware.  It slows us down.  

   Awareness gives perspective.  With it, we assess if what we are doing fits with our goals. 

       Awareness helps when we are tempted to please others. If we are not careful, we can slip into being a chameleon, adapting to those around us but not being true to our val-ues.  We let others define us.  

      These are the signs of the disease of codependency.

 

      When we have this illness we worry about what others think of us or how they feel about our needs.  That's bad news.  If we remain this way we'll become frustrated or resentful.  

      We are happier when we are aware of what transpires within us, being present.  Presence involves feeling what we feel, saying what we want.  We demonstrate authenticity, letting others relate to our true selves. 

 

      Authenticity alone allows satisfying relationships to develop, free of pretense.  We will also have an Attitude of Gratitude because we will enjoy life and relationships with the depth, joy, and fulfillment they were meant to have. 

******

 What I am grateful for today: 

1.  For each of you who drop by.  I'm glad you find this a place where you can cool your heels.  It meets my need to be of service and provide encouragement when you visit. 

   I hope your visits to this inn remind you that we enjoy more happiness in life when we are grateful.  "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he." 

2.  For the trust I enjoy.  It continues to grow because I use mental discipline to remind me that positive outcomes are just as likely as negative ones when I see a problem. Exper-ience and recovery remind me of this fact, every time I see a difficulty on the horizon. 

3. For the ongoing fun I have each day.  It meets my need for celebrat-ing life.  I want joy each day.  

     I make sure I set aside time to laugh, smile, and create opportuni-ties where my heart can do backflips because of the delightful moments I create each day. 

4. I am thankful that I appreciate my efforts, during times when others are unable to express gratitude for what I do.  Even though it is enjoy-able to get positive feedback, it is no longer necessary for my serenity. 

     Wishing all of you a terrific Friday!  I know mine will be.

              Pablo