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| And keep us close to what is real, I would add. |
Today's offering:
Acknowledging what transpires within us contributes to our emotional health. Not a good idea, stif-ling our feelings. It is wise not allowing our imagination to define us or others.
Expressing our feelings remains the best way to go. When we do, we demonstrate presence. It's as if a part of us lost has come back home.
Feelings can be frightful, but they are also nurturing and fulfilling.
Expressing ourselves authentically lets others know what makes us tick or disturbed. We abide by the desire to be truthful. We are letting others know our values, who we are, and what makes us the way we are.
For most of us, we don't say a word when bothered. Instead, we prematurely age. We hold the tension within, letting our resentments fester.
Most people fear using honesty when troubled. Instead, we smile after taking an emo-tional punch to the gut. Our dignity is not respected. When someone offends us or our autonomy, it is best speaking our truth. We let that person know we are not in agreement.
Last Saturday, I had a lengthy conversation. It was disappointing. I related with many this week. In all cases, what went on within me was given attention.
I said what I felt. I felt what I was feeling, giving attention to my emotions. I also said what I wanted. What type of relationship do we have if we can't be honest?
Recovery helps us normalize whatev-er disturbs us. We see beyond it. We embrace negative realities.
This is the oppo-site of catastrophiz-ing. Life is viewed calmly. We think clearly.
Maturity is seeing what is. At times, circumstances will not be appealing. As adults, we learn to take steps that move us in the direction we want.
I was in touch with what transpired within me this week. Last weekend I experienced loss with someone I loved. I processed it, moving on the best I could.
Most people stay in their heads. Bad idea. We negate our feelings when we do.
We distance ourselves from reality. We want to care for ourselves. That is recovery. It is being present.
Being present is being in touch with our emotions. Tak-ing care of what roils within is necessary for happiness. Let. Me. Say. That. Again.
Ignoring our feelings is a sure guarantee for having depres-sion and an opportunity for others to take advantage of us. We enjoy emotional strength when we care for the needs beneath our negative emotions.
We will be happi-er, more fulfilled, with more hope. Dis-appointments are handled. We are not overwhelmed by life's challenges.
Recovery lets us move beyond the painful moments we endure. We can even go back to the past and address unfinished business, getting the healing we want and deserve
The past always lives within us.
Recovery allows us to reframe our memories. We look back at our self-judgments regarding the past difficult moments. We learn how to look at them with the compassionate ideal self.
Instead of remembering moments of passivity or of being timid, we view those same occasions seeing where we were true to our virtues. We can see the positive steps we took. We give ourselves credit.
Negative times are not to be resisted, protected, or fought. They are to be experienced. We want to embrace them.
How do we do that? Firstly, by sitting with our emotions and feeling them. Secondly, we discover the needs stirring up within.
Thirdly, we meet these needs. We learn to empty our emotions. Specters from past painful moments no longer torment us when we do this.
Why? How is that so? Because we are dealing with those thoughts and moments that once disturbed us. Recovery is replacing bad coping behavior with new and better alternatives.
We are not ignoring areas that vexed us. The outcome of these steps is emotional healing and a more peaceful life. Applying healthier responses gives us a healthier perspective that strengthens us when we are tried and challenged.
Compulsive mental activity prevents experiencing life entirely. It causes too much mental static. We do not want our inter-pretations or the reactions of other people's behavior to agitate us.
This includes what has happened in the past. Nor do we want to future trip----anticipating fearful future outcomes. Applying healthier alternatives removes dread. We become more confident by adhering to our values, plans, or dreams. This happens when we place principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.
When we are comfortable with our likes, dislikes, dreams, wishes, and choices, we risk the disapproval of others. When we stand for our beliefs, we fully take on the role of an adult. One mark of an adult is to disagree.
We do not accept being in a one-down relationship. Recovery is not taking on the role of a child when differing with another. We do not need to cower to those who are angry or differ from us.
As adults, we learn WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S DISAPPOINTMENT WITH US, ESPE-CIALLY IF WE DISAGREE. A person's disappointment or unhappiness is their problem, not ours.
People need to learn they will not always get what they want.
That is life. Others need to get used to this fact when relating with us. For others---our husbands, wives, relatives, landlords, and co-workers----to expect otherwise is an unrealistic sense of entitlement.
We contribute to their sense of entitlement by letting them continue their negative ways when relating to us. Through our silence and passivity, when mistreated and disrespected, that's how. How are we guilty of doing this?
The second characteristic of an adult realizes we the equal with every other adult on the planet. Our values matter. Our opinions matter.
As adults, we learn to stand in our power, maintaining integrity with our boundaries.
Eliminating pro-jections is a sanity and serenity inducer. Our judgments of others and their be-havior are stories created in our minds.
These stories may---and usually are---not true. We do not want to let conjectures capture our hearts or head. Who wants a life filled with despair, fear, or anger?
We want to prefer reality, eliminating the "shoulds" and "coulds" in life. We want to do this also with our wishes, expectations, judgments, and imaginations. Because each of these scenarios is not based upon reality but our active mind.
It is better embracing what life offers right now, being present. We do not get distracted by the white noise of an over-reacting mind.
Judgments, interpretations, and assumptions are all means of trying to control. It is an attempt at dealing with the vagaries of life. We are trying to make sense of life.
What it really is, is that we are jumping to conclusions. Preferred is experiencing what is. We want to be in touch with what is happening.
In. The. Moment. We want to use our five senses. As Susan Campbell, author of Getting Real, states,
They often lead to pain. Be-ing impulsive this way often creates misunderstanding. We don't want to become angry because of disturbing interpretations not based on truth! Usually, they are made from our emotional baggage, often from low self-esteem.
Conclusions usually do not accurately reflect what is truly transpiring. It is easy mistaking these two interpretations (judg-ments, conclusions) for reality.
It is common, not noticing it is our interpretations----not the truth----that anger or frighten us.
The benefit is that we use projections to affirm false beliefs. We believe what may be a fantasy. They may be comforting or frightful. In the process, we can feel wronged but righteous.
We use projections and our judgments to define reality. This is insanity.
How About You?
What are your three gratitudes for today?
Expressing our feelings remains the best way to go. When we do, we demonstrate presence. It's as if a part of us lost has come back home.
Feelings can be frightful, but they are also nurturing and fulfilling.
Expressing ourselves authentically lets others know what makes us tick or disturbed. We abide by the desire to be truthful. We are letting others know our values, who we are, and what makes us the way we are.
For most of us, we don't say a word when bothered. Instead, we prematurely age. We hold the tension within, letting our resentments fester.
Most people fear using honesty when troubled. Instead, we smile after taking an emo-tional punch to the gut. Our dignity is not respected. When someone offends us or our autonomy, it is best speaking our truth. We let that person know we are not in agreement.Last Saturday, I had a lengthy conversation. It was disappointing. I related with many this week. In all cases, what went on within me was given attention.
I said what I felt. I felt what I was feeling, giving attention to my emotions. I also said what I wanted. What type of relationship do we have if we can't be honest?
This is the oppo-site of catastrophiz-ing. Life is viewed calmly. We think clearly.
It is essential remembering we are adults. Little children get distraught. We are not children."I block my own well-being each time I base my self-worth on what I do or what others think of me."Courage to Change, p. 118.
Maturity is seeing what is. At times, circumstances will not be appealing. As adults, we learn to take steps that move us in the direction we want.
I was in touch with what transpired within me this week. Last weekend I experienced loss with someone I loved. I processed it, moving on the best I could.
Most people stay in their heads. Bad idea. We negate our feelings when we do.
Being present is being in touch with our emotions. Tak-ing care of what roils within is necessary for happiness. Let. Me. Say. That. Again.
Ignoring our feelings is a sure guarantee for having depres-sion and an opportunity for others to take advantage of us. We enjoy emotional strength when we care for the needs beneath our negative emotions.
We will be happi-er, more fulfilled, with more hope. Dis-appointments are handled. We are not overwhelmed by life's challenges.
Recovery lets us move beyond the painful moments we endure. We can even go back to the past and address unfinished business, getting the healing we want and deserve
The past always lives within us.
Recovery allows us to reframe our memories. We look back at our self-judgments regarding the past difficult moments. We learn how to look at them with the compassionate ideal self.
Instead of remembering moments of passivity or of being timid, we view those same occasions seeing where we were true to our virtues. We can see the positive steps we took. We give ourselves credit.
Negative times are not to be resisted, protected, or fought. They are to be experienced. We want to embrace them.
Thirdly, we meet these needs. We learn to empty our emotions. Specters from past painful moments no longer torment us when we do this.
Why? How is that so? Because we are dealing with those thoughts and moments that once disturbed us. Recovery is replacing bad coping behavior with new and better alternatives.
We are not ignoring areas that vexed us. The outcome of these steps is emotional healing and a more peaceful life. Applying healthier responses gives us a healthier perspective that strengthens us when we are tried and challenged.
This includes what has happened in the past. Nor do we want to future trip----anticipating fearful future outcomes. Applying healthier alternatives removes dread. We become more confident by adhering to our values, plans, or dreams. This happens when we place principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.
When we are comfortable with our likes, dislikes, dreams, wishes, and choices, we risk the disapproval of others. When we stand for our beliefs, we fully take on the role of an adult. One mark of an adult is to disagree.
We do not accept being in a one-down relationship. Recovery is not taking on the role of a child when differing with another. We do not need to cower to those who are angry or differ from us.
As adults, we learn WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S DISAPPOINTMENT WITH US, ESPE-CIALLY IF WE DISAGREE. A person's disappointment or unhappiness is their problem, not ours.
People need to learn they will not always get what they want.
That is life. Others need to get used to this fact when relating with us. For others---our husbands, wives, relatives, landlords, and co-workers----to expect otherwise is an unrealistic sense of entitlement.
We contribute to their sense of entitlement by letting them continue their negative ways when relating to us. Through our silence and passivity, when mistreated and disrespected, that's how. How are we guilty of doing this?
The second characteristic of an adult realizes we the equal with every other adult on the planet. Our values matter. Our opinions matter.
As adults, we learn to stand in our power, maintaining integrity with our boundaries.
These stories may---and usually are---not true. We do not want to let conjectures capture our hearts or head. Who wants a life filled with despair, fear, or anger?
We want to prefer reality, eliminating the "shoulds" and "coulds" in life. We want to do this also with our wishes, expectations, judgments, and imaginations. Because each of these scenarios is not based upon reality but our active mind.
It is better embracing what life offers right now, being present. We do not get distracted by the white noise of an over-reacting mind.
Judgments, interpretations, and assumptions are all means of trying to control. It is an attempt at dealing with the vagaries of life. We are trying to make sense of life.
What it really is, is that we are jumping to conclusions. Preferred is experiencing what is. We want to be in touch with what is happening.
"There's a difference between what is and the ideas [and conclu-sions] you have about it."We want to be softer on our psyche. How? By not jumping to conclusions.
They often lead to pain. Be-ing impulsive this way often creates misunderstanding. We don't want to become angry because of disturbing interpretations not based on truth! Usually, they are made from our emotional baggage, often from low self-esteem.
Conclusions usually do not accurately reflect what is truly transpiring. It is easy mistaking these two interpretations (judg-ments, conclusions) for reality.
It is common, not noticing it is our interpretations----not the truth----that anger or frighten us.
The benefit is that we use projections to affirm false beliefs. We believe what may be a fantasy. They may be comforting or frightful. In the process, we can feel wronged but righteous.
We use projections and our judgments to define reality. This is insanity.
Automatically responding to your worst internal fear is a common control pattern. Your buttons are pushed, and you react. This pattern keeps you in familiar emotional territory, where you don't have to risk learning anything about yourself. [There is no need to change. It is always the other person's fault.]
May you have a great and grateful Saturday! I know I will.And therefore, you don't have to change. Susan Campbell, Getting Real, 23
How About You?
What are your three gratitudes for today?
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