Taking Care Of Ourselves During a Crazy Season: The Advent of Christmas.............. ...................11/28/16

      Now is a good time to slow down.  I know this is the opposite of what we experience, while gearing up for Christmas.

       Many of us need to pro-cess the holidays.  This time of year involves interacting with others.  This includes encounter-ing disturbing people.  Or it may be seeing difficult relatives we don't usually come across any other time.

       When with them, there can

Today, The Biggest and Most Important Day at the Inn ..... 11/24/16

        Many suffer from worry, de-pression, frustra-tion, self-loathing.

         An Attitude of Gratitude counteracts these ills.  Cher-ishing our loved ones, counting our blessings are key to knowing happi-ness.

       Thank you for dropping by.  This is the biggest and most central day of this inn.  May

Comfortable With Discomfort..... 11/15/16

         So much going on.  But, I am check-ing in.  That's how much I miss connect-ing with you.

      My time has been tied up. This morn-ing I'm making time to visit.  The practi-cal side of me says I shouldn't.  Five cli-ents are on tap for

Expressing Our Voice, Revisited 11/7/16

         A marvelous week, this was. 

       Seeing myself getting stronger, characterologically, nurtures my optimism. Emotional dust storms happened this week when relating to oth-ers.  That's when the fun began,  not because I like drama. 

     Far from it. I'm an introspective, intuitive person.  I care for drama as much as only one likes cleaning out a litter box unattended for several days. 

     Relating to others allows us to grow.  Difficulties are opportunities for spiritual weight lifting.  They are occasions for exercising our personal strength. They are chances for us to express and apply our values when in the thick of sticky, uncomfortable moments. 
     

      Our personal development happens when we apply healthy principles---when connecting with hurtful, dominant, or manipulative individuals.  Each time we lay aside inadequate coping patterns like re-acting, freezing, or being passive, we grow emotionally stronger.   

     When we are resentful, get angry, or become passive, we demonstrate our weaker selves.  These unhappy character qualities lurk---daily---around every emotional corner if we do not have the presence recovery offers.  Recovery is the absence of mental chatter. 

     It is being in the here and now, experiencing "what is," listening to understand, not to reply.  Recovery allows us to be comfortable in our own skin. 

     Our emotional muscles strengthen when applying healthy principles when relating.  Life's path of the bumps and dips of conflict are made smooth when we use disciplined responses.  Read here, for more about that.

      Growth happens when connecting with emotionally mature others.  They are our Balcony People. See footnote.  With a healthy support network, challenges are seen for what they are: moments where we place principles above our vulnerable default modes.
     

     Difficult occasions can become monuments to our past pain or, by how we respond, they can reflect the healing and grace we experienced in our lives. 

         Sometimes life is a matter of taking it in fifteen-minute increments.  There are times when taking it one day at a time as recovery programs suggest is more than we can handle. Life is good when we are gentle with ourselves.

      Acknowledging the healthy steps we take---even if they are tiny, moves us towards progress, tranquility, and happiness.

"Perhaps I can let go of all con-demnation for this one day.  I will recognize that I am on a spiritual path of self-improvement.  Every tiny step I take on that path moves me closer to wholeness, health, and serenity."   Al-Anon Family Groups Inc., Courage to Change, 2nd Edit., Virginia Beach, 1992, 19. Print.

     As we get stronger, feeling better about our values, choices, dreams, and decisions, we're able to politely and firmly, disagree. We can process conflicts that once were dis-turbing.  For insight and skills that help when we encounter a difficult or frustrating situation, click here.

     For most of us, conflicts are few and far between.  Lately, it hasn't been so, for me.  During such times, the following is helpful:

After years of letting people take advantage of me, I had built up quite a store of anger, resentment, and guilt . …. So many times I wanted to bite off my tongue after say-ing,“yes, “ when I really wanted to say, “no.” Why did I continue to deny my own feelings just to  gain someone’s approval? ….

The answer became apparent:  What I lacked was courage. Was I willing to try to learn to say, “no,” when I meant no? Was I willing to accept that not everyone would be thrilled with this change? Was I willing to face the real me behind the people-pleasing image? Fed up with volunteering to be treated like a door mat, I squared my shoulders and answered, “Yes.”

..... Do I make a conscious choice about what I say? And when it is appropriate, do I say what I mean and mean what I say? If not, why not? All I have to offer anyone is my own experience of the truth.

‘There is a price that is too great to pay for peace…One cannot pay the price of self-respect.'                              Woodrow Wilson     Courage, 207

           Have a great and grateful day.  I know I will.  Remember, we are the average of the five people we hang out with.  We want to make sure they are emotionally mature, healthy, kind, and positive. We deserve relationships like that, we really do.

How About You?
       What spiritual weightlifting have you been doing?  Where are you placing principles above your personality?  I'd love hearing from you. Really. 

 Footnote: 

     What a gift it has been, seeing my supportive family expand, as time goes by.  Not only have I a flesh-and-blood family, but an expanded family due to others who are a part of my life. They are my Balcony People.

     These dear ones love and accept me unconditionally, they are in the grandstands of my life, cheering me on, as I run the marathon of life.  Best of all, they don't give me advice.  They may share their experience, strength and hope, when I ask.  More importantly they empathize and have compassion. They are simply available.

Image: Countryside: "Wintry Pastoral" by Tim Blessed.  All rights reserved, used by permission.