 |
| "I have been young, and now I am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor His seed begging bread." Ps. 37:25 |
 |
| “When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity.A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.” Elie Wiesel |
In this weak economy, many are anxious about financial security. Neither our income nor our job is the source of our provision:
God is. It's comforting seeing the Big Picture:
Worry and anxiety reveal our focus is on the future. We are having a problem with trust. Or we look backward and have resentments and grudges to-wards bad experi-ences. We are demonstrating we have difficulty with forgiveness.
In either case, we are not living in the present, which is all we have.
When we carry a bitter spirit we demonstrate our need to detach and have compassion. When we are (or were) mistreated the comments or behavior of those who harmed us reveals they are in the grips of a dis-ease. We should not blame them any more than having the flu makes a person bad, disgusting.
Freedom From Other People's Judgments
I'm happy that I'm not as co-dependent as I was.
Someone this week wanted information, I had, seeking me out. As I replied, she interrupted. (Don't you hate that, when someone asks you a question and then they don't let you answer? I'll pause here so you can reply.)
Her stopping me made me forget my thoughts. I ended up having nothing to say. This person thought that by her being quiet, I'd remember.
Her stopping me made me forget my thoughts. I ended up having nothing to say. This person thought that by her being quiet, I'd remember.
I didn't.
She was disappointed. My inability to continue talking where I left off was interpreted as being "difficult." I reminded her perception isn't reality.
She was disappointed. My inability to continue talking where I left off was interpreted as being "difficult." I reminded her perception isn't reality.
How tragic it was, without hesitation she judged me. She knew my mind. Not true.
This was a fantasy. It is true for anyone who assumes they know what is going through the mind of another.
"Only the spirit of a man knows the thoughts within him."
Others do not want to be with us, the goodwill between us is strained when we criticize.
Interpretation is a form of judgment. I don't like---nor do I do allow---others telling me my motives. They are not swamis---mind readers.
We don't want to permit others to define who we are or determine our moods.
She needed to get over the disappointment, it was not my responsibility she was frustrated. That realization revealed my growth. Detaching with love, not taking another person's behavior personally, frees me from co-dependency.
I have limitations. Sometimes, I forget, when startled. Tonight, that happened. That's fine, healthy friends accept my vulnerabilities. Perfectionists, judgmental people, narcissists, and emotional bullies don't.
She was quiet for the rest of the night. I was comfortable with her silence. Years earlier, I'd have felt responsible to make her feel better.
She needed to get over the disappointment, it was not my responsibility she was frustrated. That realization revealed my growth. Detaching with love, not taking another person's behavior personally, frees me from co-dependency.
I have limitations. Sometimes, I forget, when startled. Tonight, that happened. That's fine, healthy friends accept my vulnerabilities. Perfectionists, judgmental people, narcissists, and emotional bullies don't.
She was quiet for the rest of the night. I was comfortable with her silence. Years earlier, I'd have felt responsible to make her feel better.
That's not our job, thank God. I've learned to be responsive to, but not responsible for, the feelings of others.
******************************
Healing Codependency
There's an organization that helps people overcome co-dependency: Al-Anon Family Groups. No, this is not a nickname for Alcoholics Anonymous. That program is for problemed drinkers.
Al-Anon Family Groups is a nonprofit organization for friends, family, and co-workers of Alcoholics. Alcoholism affects all who come in contact with it. This program offers principles that teach us to focus on our needs, behavior, and feelings and not just that of others, usually the Alcoholic.
******************************
Healing Codependency
There's an organization that helps people overcome co-dependency: Al-Anon Family Groups. No, this is not a nickname for Alcoholics Anonymous. That program is for problemed drinkers.
Al-Anon Family Groups is a nonprofit organization for friends, family, and co-workers of Alcoholics. Alcoholism affects all who come in contact with it. This program offers principles that teach us to focus on our needs, behavior, and feelings and not just that of others, usually the Alcoholic.
It's easy to have the twin disease of being addicted to unhealthy relationships and losing our life of centeredness.
We know this is our plight if we are over-sensitive to how others feel. We are with another person and they are agitated. We want to placate.
We know this is our plight if we are over-sensitive to how others feel. We are with another person and they are agitated. We want to placate.
An individual is depressed, we feel it is our job to make them happy or entertain them. If this is our response, we have diseased thinking and priorities. We are co-dependent. Don't feel bad if you are. More than 96% of the world is co-dependent.
Here are some characteristics, see if you can relate to any of them:
Compliance patterns:
§ I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
§ I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
§ I value others' opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
§ I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
§ I accept sex and/or sexual attention when I want love.
§ I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
§ I make decisions without regard to the consequences.
§ I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.
************************************************
It wounds ou ego, too, when we realize we've slipped back into the no-win world of codependency. ************************************************
We want to remain vigilant to avoid this tendency. It can slide us over to despair, resentment, and self-loathing. We want to place healthy relational principles over the vulnerable areas in my life---those times when we feel like pleasing others, even if when doing so goes against our boundaries, feelings, and needs.
Again, there's liberation from the tyranny of other people's feelings when we learn are responsive to, but not be responsible for, the feelings of others. For an encouraging perspective regarding codependency and alternatives to this unhealthy way of living, you can read this.
I wish you a terrific day, one where you stand in your personal power, recovery and integrity. When you do, you enjoy a fantastic life, filled with healthy friends and fulfillment.
Image: "Cumbria: Langdale Fells and Esk Pass" by Tim Blessed. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
How About You?
1. How do you respond when someone lets you know they are disappointed in you?
2. What do you find is helpful for people to do, if they find themselves in the compliance mode, as defined above.
3. What gratitudes might you have, as a result of this post?
Related Post:
Winning the Grand Prix of Life
Again, there's liberation from the tyranny of other people's feelings when we learn are responsive to, but not be responsible for, the feelings of others. For an encouraging perspective regarding codependency and alternatives to this unhealthy way of living, you can read this.
I wish you a terrific day, one where you stand in your personal power, recovery and integrity. When you do, you enjoy a fantastic life, filled with healthy friends and fulfillment.
How About You?
1. How do you respond when someone lets you know they are disappointed in you?
2. What do you find is helpful for people to do, if they find themselves in the compliance mode, as defined above.
3. What gratitudes might you have, as a result of this post?
Related Post:
Winning the Grand Prix of Life
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment