The Self-Torture of Interpretations and Conclusions 11/25/20

      This morning I spoke with someone I've known for several years.   He interrupt-ed me.  I told him I didn't like it. 

     "Well, I was answering what you wanted to know," he said. 

     Sounds reasonable, does it not?  It isn't.  Even if he was right about his assump-tions he was wrong. 

      Interrupting declares

we know what the other person will say.  We don't.  A swami, we aren't.    

     It is never acceptable to use unacceptable behavior.  Interrupting is impolite, insensitive, demonstrating impatience.  It is rushing the other person--verbally--wanting the conversation at faster pace. 

     It is assuming, a dangerous thing to do.  It is better getting clarity from the other person.  We cannot know the spirit or intentions of another---what is going on inside of him or her. 

    My judgment is that the person I saw this morning was using a control pattern.  He was uncom-fortable, preempting what he thought I would say.  Preferred and more effective is being present.

     Being present is experi-encing "what is," be it pain-ful or pleasant.  I experienced him using game theory, anticipa-ting my thoughts when we spoke today.  Such effort is draining.  

     It requires a lot of mental and emotional effort. 

     Enjoying presence is surfing circumstances.  It is knowing whatever waves slap us while relating or dealing with life, we know we can surf them.  It is born from the confidence we gain when living with recovery.

     This fellow suffers from severe depression.  I can see why.  He is ever vigilant.  

     How exhausting that must be. 

     For more about this subject, check out this link.  Here is one relevant excerpt:

"Conclusions usu-ally don't accur-ately reflect what is truly transpir-ing.  It is easy mistaking these two, interpretations (judgments, conclu-sions) for reality. 

"It is common, not noticing it is our interpreta-tions----not the truth----that anger or frighten us. 

"In the process, we can feel wronged but righteous.  The benefit is that we use projections to affirm false be-liefs.  We believe what may be a fantasy.  They may be comforting or frightful.

    "We use projections and our judgments to define         reality. This is insanity.

    "Automatically responding to your worst internal fear is         a common control pattern. Your buttons are pushed, and       you react. This pattern keeps you in familiar emotional           territory, where you do't have to risk learning anything         about yourself. [There is no need to change. It is always         the other person's fault.]

     "And therefore, you don't have to change."  

               Susan Campbell, Getting Real, 23

          Wishing you a great and grateful day, I know mine will be. 

                             The Innkeeper