Being Afraid and A-frayed: The Answer 9/10/19

The Giant Dipper in Santa Cruz, California.
The Rollercoaster is about to plunge. 

    The other morn-ing, two parts wrestled within me.

    My emotions and reason.  Does that happen to you?  My feelings were supported that afternoon.  This birthed serenity---clarity of mind---and an afternoon
filled with elation.

    Transcending self-imposed limitations took me to a place beyond my wildest dreams, making me entirely happy.

    Earlier that morning, fear gripped me.  Confronting a last-minute deadline had my heart racing as if plunging down the first and most significant dip of the Giant Dipper in Santa Cruz.  The challenge facing me had my heart in my mouth.

    My future faced a horrible specter.

    Was I responsible, waiting until the last moment to accomplish a pressing task?  Yes, I was.  Our best inter-ests get served when mak-ing time for ourselves, especially when trapped in a crisis, and doing so fortifies us.

    That morning I became pre-sent,   aware of the here and now of that frightening morning.  Alive in my body, completely aware of what my flesh said to me, I did not dwell in my head, a common habit for most of us when we are afraid.

     I felt my emotions.  I processed the needs beneath.  I was patient with the tormenting sensations while the feet of my feelings were put to the fire, tortured by the demon of fear.

    I did everything that morning.  Everything but the most demanding task that day required. I vacuumed my disabled car, sorted papers, do-ing anything but the deed that cried out for immediate attention. 

    I consciously avoided the issue alarming me.

    I replaced activ-ity for accomplish-ment. That was okay. I knew the busy work was being gentle to-wards what churned within.

    I sublimated the frantic energy driv-ing me crazy that day, a step in the right direction.

    My heart Friday morning was leaping from my chest.  I, a profound thinker, could not carry a thought, and my limbic system ran riot.

    My reptilian self was panicking.  Fortunately, I called a friend of several decades, Stuart.

    After time with him, my emotions calmed down.  I was restored emotionally returned to my right mind.  What was needed?
 

     Connecting with a long-term, suppor-tive, nonjudgmental friend.

     A chain re-veals its strength by its weakest link. Often over-looked-- the oppo-site lesson of a rope.  

     Its strength is revealed by its strongest strand.

     When a strand unravels, the others in that braided cord hold it together.  If another strand gets torn, a foot away, the remaining threads, bound together, keep it in place, too.

    That day, while crazy with inscrutable fear, I found relief.  My rela-tionship with Stuart held me together, and my emotional well-being was a-frayed, using the rope analogy.

     Calling him mended me.  I was no longer crazy, living in terror, iso-lated from others while going through a painful crisis.

     During our time, Stuart's support rewove me, emotionally and mentally.  While my feelings were ripping apart, his calm voice, unwanted humor, and support patched together the loose unraveling ends of my frazzled self.  His encouragement was threads of hope and courage replacing my temporary insanity. 

      May Stuart's tribe increase.  I am humbled by, grateful for, and indebted to his wisdom, patience, and compassion.

      Old-time traumas awakened dragons of fear that morn-ing.  These beasts distracted me from available solutions.  Gripped with anxiety, coming up with positive outcomes was impos-sible.

      That day, outward-ly, I appeared calm while my heart beat out of my chest.  Before visiting with Stuart, I quietly spoke with a neighbor who dropped by with mail of mine that had been delivered to her door. But  hypoaroused, quietly but deeply agitated.

      I was beside myself, my feelings going in all directions while my body was paralyzed.

      After sharing how I was catastrophizing with Stuart, calmness and hope were restored.  Talking with him was the emetic releasing the emotions that had me queasy.

      Earlier, I had no rational reason why I felt insane.  My mind was baffled while my emotions raged with fear.  The stress I felt was the result of body memory.
     

     Speaking to Stuart, I recognized what was trans-piring that day.  I realized ancient anxieties surfacing were related to abuse---pain-ful moments had as a lad with the major authority fig-ure at that time---my father.

     Earlier, my body knew something was wrong.  It was an emotional idiot light let-ting me know I had a deep wound. But my mind had no idea of the source of the war raging within. I could not place a finger on the cause of my depression.

     Connecting with Stuart warded off specters of fear that had tor-mented me for hours until we spoke.

   "Confess your sins [reveal your            weaknesses] one to another, and        pray for one another that you              may be healed."     James 5:16

        I did that with Stuart.  I shared my vulnerabilities.  Be-cause I did, healing took place.  Bless you, Stuart.

       Calmness was restored.

      It required re- vealing my weak-nesses to a dear, trusted friend.  It restored me to my right mind.

      Hanging up the phone, my situa-tion hadn't changed.  I was.

      The boil of the torment causing pain was lanced, and the built-up emotional pressure of anxiety was released.

       If we don't let others know our needs, they cannot help. Because of my transparency with Stuart, I received support. He met my needs.

 I let him know what they were.  Let me say this positively:

      

       Time with my friend helped me internalize the soothing power of the grace and comfort offered and the strength he gave me that was missing that morning when my insides were in shambles.   Stuart's love and listening ear patched together the unraveling of my emotions that day.

      Suffering was remedied because of the braided relationship we share.

      Healthy connections with others provide healing and support. Something we don't know when we isolate, living in our heads.  For the healing relationships provide, we have a deep Attitude of Gratitude.

       I certainly do.

      May I encourage us to strengthen the strands of our emotions through emotionally healthy, braided relationships?

      Time with friends, being transparent with them, and letting them know our troubles is investing in our sanity and equanimity.  When we are splitting apart, emotionally frayed, we'll be glad we did.