Sunday, April 10

Making the Right Choice, Part II 4/10/16

      This past Friday I knew what I had to do.  I am a mandated reporter.

       I was on my cell phone, walking around my neighbor-hood.  Getting support, talking with a friend.

      Still, I needed to process what I experi-enced that morning.  I disagreed with some-one.    The fellow used a hammer to punish himself.  He struck his head with it.  While in my

       He took the "poor me victim" position to the extreme.  How could I be harsh towards him---his perception, which was inaccurate,  I was not upset---when he was tremendously harsher towards himself?

      Although drastic and ineffective, his actions may have been manip-ulative.  And inauthentic.  He wasn't overtly addressing his needs---emotional safety, acceptance and appreciation.

     The needs I think beneath his actions are guesses.  I may be entirely wrong.  Nonetheless, he was unable to be present with me.  He could not use words to express what was alive within him.  It may have been painful or scary to do so.

      Instead, his alternative, rash action, had him bleeding inside my place and on the back patio.

       After bashing himself, he wanted to go to work.  First things first.  Disturbing was that he works with the public.  He drives a taxi.

       I was worried about the people he serves.  The nature of his work is that others trust him with their welfare.  He was in no position to serve.  I was worried about him risking lives.

       On the phone it felt good, not making a decision alone.  I was glad I was processing what just happened, with an ally.  This was taking care of me.  In a strong moment of need.  Years ago, my nature was making myself last, in emergencies.   

       We are taught that being a mar-tyr is altruistic. Everyone else's needs are to come before ours.  Rub-bish.  We no longer need to be- lieve that to be true or healthy advice.  

       It is a fallacy. 

       When we have recovery from codependency, we remain aware of the value of others.  But we equally become aware of the need to take care of ourselves, too.  It is critical weighing our options.  We want to make sure our needs are met along with the needs of everyone else.  Especially during a crisis. 

       Talking on the phone with a friend helped calm me.  It also provid-ed focus.  As soon as I hung up, I called 911.  The police were at my house within five minutes.  They spoke with George.

      An ambulance arrived, taking him to the hospital.  He was patched up.  The medical staff then sent him for psychiatric evaluation.

      Just do me a favor.  If I ever disagree with you, please don't bash your head with a hammer.  You'll save us both a lot of grief, time and trouble.

1.  That this event took place. The deep needs of this man were brought to the forefront.  They now are being addressed.
2.  We can respond and not react when we do not get triggered.
3.  There can be a tremendous relief when we work in concert with others.  We don't have to face our problems alone when we have a community of support.
4.  I made the right choice, calling the police.  This fellow might have gotten angry with me.  No matter.   I did what I believed was correct.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Pablo,
Thank you for modeling self-respect. Thank you for being aware of how George affected your old pattern from childhood. You reached out to others as well. You took care of yourself.
Thank you,

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