Tuesday, May 31

Being an Adult: Exercising the Right to Say No 5/31/22

“God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you
 used one to say 'thank you?' ” William Arthur Ward. Please
do so today by posting your gratitude. It will do you good. 
       Republishing this post.  Most of you were not guests back then, nearly eleven years ago.  

       I hope it encour-ages you to stand up for your values. 

       Here it is: 

*****************

       It excites and invigorates me

Henry Cloud
seeing clients grow in aware-ness.  With the recovery and personal growth those I work with learn to express their feel-ings and needs.  They no longer automatically accom-modate the demands of others. They consider their needs along with those they connect with.

    Part of being an adult happens when we disagree, agree-ably.  If we fear differing from others, we will find ourselves in a one-down relationship. Expressing our opinion, and voicing what we want, creates a great antidote to depression or resentment. 

       It's frustrating and disempowering to yield our values to others.  Often we do because we are reluctant to create a stink and fear harm-ing the connection. We need others to respect our values. It is the basis for healthy connection. 

       Yielding to people has an unpleasant impact on our emotions. We become angry or depressed.  We experi-ence self-loathing. It can damage our physical well-being--to getting hives, high blood pressure, or having a stroke.

       All these possible neg-ative consequences can result from not exercising boundaries, and standing our ground.  We want to say our "no" as gently as our yes.  It helps to remember "no" forms a complete sentence.  We have a right to refuse without explanation.

     If someone displays anger because we disagree, he or she reveals much about themself.  This agitated person wants us to make decisions based on their reaction, not our principles.  By giving in, we place their personality above our values.  Emotional health develops when we place principles above personalities.

      There's a word for when someone uses anger, blame, shame, fear, or guilt to motivate us: manipulation. This angry response violates an adult's fundamental right to make choices. It's emotional coercion, a form of violence.  

       Giving in to a bully reveals emotional slavery. 
 "Guilty or reluctant compli-          ance is never operating                from love; it is slavery."  
            Henry Cloud, Changes That Heal, p. 126. 
     When yielding to the coercion of others, we ransom our freedom to get along.  We surrender our integrity.  It is emotionally better to stay true to our values.  

      When we remain true to our beliefs, we are less depressed. De-pression is a silent knocking within our soul letting us know we want to take care of our needs, and at that mo-ment we aren't. 

      Often, we believe we can only keep a relationship by being passive, and by not standing by our principles.  Does this behavior benefit our best interests or the relationship?  You know the answer. 

     The angry person wants to control us and our choices.  There is a better deal, be energized regarding our stance and oppo-sition.
   
      Angry behavior from others informs us he or she is not considering our opinion or feelings.  This is when we insist on reciprocity, balance, and fairness in our re-lationship. 

      When we live in the fog, we are not opera-ting from love or inde-pendence.  Yielding against our wishes only alienates the relation-ship, creating frustra-tion and resentment.  Improving our sanity and emotional well-being involves moving from passive behavior and the dominant individual.  

      It requires getting out of the FOG: fear, obligation, or guilt. 

      For meaningful relationships, we speak our truth calmly, without fear.  When we do, we have better connections with others.  Because we are letting them bond with who we really are. 

      We feel better about ourselves when maintaining our integrity and being true to our values.
My Gratitudes
1.  I met with friends. Wari-ness happens after going through an emotional hurricane Monday.  I saw some-one at tonight's event resolving an issue. I enjoy reducing clutter in the attic of my mind.

2.  I like working with others who have integrity and follow through with their responsibilities---in this case, taking care of money owed.
at 10:50:00 PM Written by the innkeeper

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.

Labels