The Source for Serenity and Joy, Even During Difficult Times.............. ...................3/15/18

    Early this morning I had a moment of recovery.  Someone criticized me.  It was a positive experi-ence.  

     I was happy with my response. I stayed with the
occasion, doing all I could to be present.  It was a good feeling, sensing inner peace while experiencing what was troubling this person.

    When there is a problem, we don't have to defend against it or protect ourselves, because of it.  All we have to do is experience it. 

      He contributed to the problem.  This morning, he wasn't honest.  This issue is related to his girlfriend, really.

        I ignored this fact.   Instead, I stayed empathetic with this critical per-son.  I focused on cleaning my side of the street.

      What a joy it is, being confident, staying with the moment, surfing the waves of today's difficulty.  Yes, quietly having fun, noticing what was going on within me.  This happening while the waves of his nega-tivity slapped at me.

      It was amazingly invigorating.  More than that, it was healing.  As a child, expressing myself was not permitted.

       Especially if I disagreed.  If I did, I was punished, forced to yield to an insecure, codependent, and depressed parent.  He demanded only one way of seeing, being, believing and behaving.

      His way.  Yes, my dad was controlling.

      It is delicious, freedom from code-pendency.  This trait is yielding to others.  We do so because we fear their anger or disapproval.  Today, I stood in my power.

      I was true to my recovery.

      I enjoyed this moment with integ-rity: I was true to my values, living them out. 

       How others regard us, good, or bad, does not de-fine us.  At all.  It is liberating letting the deep, wonderful connections I have with many fill my heart with love while being emotionally challenged, like this morning.

     Their love em-powered and reassured me while processing this morning's attack.

     I felt the gentle smile on my face, my "love apples," as I responded with this fellow.  He expected me to read his mind.  When he threat-ened me, it was terrific sitting with the tension, then determining my needs and feelings at that moment.

      This is responding, not reacting. 

     

      As this conflict took place, I made myself comfortable with my emotions.  I sat with them.  What arose were feelings of compassion towards the critic.

      I offered to pay for him to have din-ner at a nice place or for him and a friend to see a movie.  It was a small peace offering for the way I upset him, even though it was based on his imagination, not reality!  I wanted to do this.

    We cannot be involved in an emotional tug-of-war if we let go of the rope.  And my empathy for him did not mean agreement.   Emo-tionally, this fellow did not know what to make of my offer, how to respond.

     But he accepted it. 

     My offer came from love, mixed with joy.  I found myself in a place of serenity when attacked.  Without recovery, I would not be this emotionally strong. 

     It is peaceful and restful, walking in the presence of God's love.

    Later, this evening, someone talked over me while I spoke.  I was present.  I did not get caught up in mental chatter, "Oh, he's rude and pushy," when this happened.

     I addressed what troubled me instead.  I said, "You are not lis-tening to understand me.  You are listening to respond.  

     "When you are formulating your reply, while I am speaking, you are not paying attention to what I am saying."

      I continued, "I imagine that is a control pattern of yours."  It was uplifting, comforting and encouraging, speaking my truth to this person who tried dominating me.

    It's not my job to change any person. I'm not God.  With this man, I simply spoke from my perspective.  I was present while relating to him.  

    Because I was pre-sent, he admitted his controlling nature.

    I had used a basic truth skill, noticing my intent while relating to others. 

    When connecting with another, am I doing so to relate to that person? Or am I connecting with that individual to control him or her?

     The results are night and day.  When I am controlling, I am manipu-lating for the outcome I want.  I dominate the communication, I am finagling it to go my way.

     Behaving this way creates distance and distrust and the relationship weakens.

     When relating, I am discovering the outcome with the other person.  I collaborate with him or her when an issue surfaces.  The dialogue is mutual, reciprocal.

     There is a "we" left standing afterward.  This is applying Tradition 2 in the relationship.  The other person's needs and mine are equally met.

     This approach creates trust and intimacy.  The relationship bonds and gets stronger.

Gratitudes for Today:

1.  I worked with couples several times this week.  It is a privilege helping others translate the needs beneath blaming words, criticism, or judgments. 

2.  I am glad hearing reports from clients about the effectiveness of Nonviolent Communication.  This is a critical part of what I offer those I serve. 

3.  It is my joy when clients share how their relationships are improving.  They are becoming more transparent, expressing their needs without using shame or guilt to motivate others.