Tuesday, May 9

Bonding and Separating, The Best of Both Worlds.............. 5/9/17

       I noted this post was climbing the sidebar to your right.  I revised it.  About 80%.  It was fun seeing how much I've grown since this was written years ago.  I hope it helps you.

     A key point I leave out in this post.  How we create the healthy supportive network essential for us to stand firm with our boundaries.

Here's the post:

      Yesterday, there was a date with a young lady.

       We had lunch at my favorite Thai restaurant for two and half hours. It was totally unexpected.  She wants to visit again.

      I'm not sure about that.

     I need balance.
Pressing practical con-cerns I'm wrestling with make me hesitate.  I'm thankful looking at cir-cumstances from a broad perspective, not being impulsive, helps maintain my equanim-ity.

     I was troubled by several things this young lady interjected when we chatted. Not a few times, she told me, "You're wrong."

     That concerns me.  I am uncomfortable relating with dogmatic or judgmental people.  Those with black or white thinking scare me.

     Other than the desire to run away from her when she did that, she was okay.

     Seriously, such people "know" what we think.  They put life in con-venient boxes of inaccurate conclusions.  It gives them a false sense of understanding life----a sense of control.

      What is actually happening is that they are operating from fear.

      Life isn't safe for them.  It is for me.  That's what emo-tional resiliency offers. When we have it, confidence is born.  We know regardless our circumstances, we can surf them.

      We own our feelings.  We don't hide from them.  If we disagree with someone, we voice our concerns.

      Firstly, we separate from what is unsafe. We  have our armor of boundaries.  We clearly know who we are.  We are in touch with our thoughts, feelings and desires.  We also know what we will not tolerate, our limits, what is not us.
       And we express our position.  To. Those. We. Oppose.  We are not passive. We train others how to treat us.

      Secondly, what enables us to speak up is that our emotional health is ongo-ingly fed.  By bonding.  No, not superficially through Facebook. But with others with whom we can be our authentic selves.

     We know and enjoy an environment where when we are vulnerable, we receive compassion. We are not judged.  We live in a community that is safe, where we can reveal the vulnerable parts of ourselves and are still loved and supported.

     We separate from what violates our boundaries.  We do not need the support of those we oppose.  We already have it, from those who care about us. We are bonded with safe, emotionally healthy others.

     In fact, because we have this support, we can oppose others without fear of rejection or ridicule. This enables us to separate from values we disagree with. A good network of friends emboldens us to boldly stand our ground with manipulators, controlling people, or individuals not good for us.

     We are shielded by our boundaries.  We will not surrender chunks of our values because we fear those who oppose, intimidate us.  And we are covered with the love of a healthy community when we face the hurricanes of life.

     Bonding and separating.  The best of both worlds.

No comments:

Quotes from the Posts

"I'm mindful that our thoughts affect the words we use, our words influence our actions, our actions shape our character and our character determines our destiny."

From "My Character Determines My Destiny." To read it, please click here.

"Progress not perfection, is better than no progress at all, especially when we're trying to rid ourselves from unwelcome dragons that dwell within the closets of our soul."

From, "Still Learning" which, within four days, became the most popular post
written. To read it, please click here.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of its trouble, but it does empty today of its strength"
From the post: "Life Is Not a Correspondence Program." Click here to read it.

"Even though we cannot control our circumstances, we can control how we choose to respond to them."

From, "Handling Stress and Dealing With an Emotional Bully."Click here to read this post.

"Nope, being busy isn't exciting. Boring is good. Because boring is not boring; boring is being healthy, living a balanced life that has serenity"

From: "Do You Know What It Means If You Are Too Busy?" For more, please click here.