The High and Lows For the Past Week 3/31/14

     How are you?  Thank you, for visiting. Today was a Red Letter Day.  I am happy about what I've learned as a result of

Preparing For An Emotional Battle 3/29/14

"It is not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it."   Hans Selye

      How are ye?  I am preparing for an emotional battle, met with friends, encountered a lack of sensitivity and codependency, all this, this evening.  Best of all, someone supported and loved me, in my time of

Getting Oriented 3/28/14

This was my week. Using healthy principles to guide me to the harbor
 of serenity and sanity, and away from the rocks of despair and resentment. 

     Good evening.  I'm tired.  This week took me places where I haven't been, emotionally, mentally, even spiritually, in twelve years.  All good, I think, even though it has been rocky.

     Tonight was different, the second time I drove my car, after a twenty-six day

Getting Nurtured, Filling Up My Heart. Not Seduced By The Paltry Power of Analysis.. 3/27/14

       Good evening everyone.  I'm about to veg out and watch a flick at the local theater.  The innkeeper needs a break.  I started work early today: 8:00 a.m. and finished at 8:30 this evening.  And my work can be enervating as it is.

       So, what's up with me?  Well, I've gotten timely support, when I needed it.  It means a lot.  Even though I am resilient, it's not fun, getting kicked in the teeth---emotionally.  I'm processing recent surprises life has presented.  Key to happiness, including mine, is realizing we are responsible for life's disappointments. (Have you noticed a theme, bantered around this inn, lately? Just wondering.)

       This is true even if we are not responsible for said unsatisfactory times.  This issue, working on it, is keeping me busy.  Your prayers---yes, yours---are valued.  It could be the tip given, for the work I do here.

       Oh, yeah, the past few days my last post, "Finding Rays of Light in The Darkened World of Disappointment" has struck a responsive chord.  It appears the heartstrings of the guests of this inn resonate with it.  Twelve hundred views today, so far.  Eighteen hundred plus views yesterday.  Thank you, for keeping me busy, as the innkeeper. It helps me get my mind off besetting areas of confusion. 

        Yesterday was special, gathering with friends, after work.  The time was amazing, beyond fabulous. Those there, don't you agree?  Let me hear from you.

       The topic was feelings. (Appropriate for me.  I shared the anger I once had, the result of mistreatment I endured as a lad.)  An uplifting time was had by all.  Several stories told caused a tear or two.  When hanging out with healthy others, my soul gets deposits into the love bank of my heart. Besides what was just mentioned, here are.......

My Gratitudes: 
1.  It's been raining the past few days. We need it, here, in California.  In spite of the rain, we are facing a drought this summer.
2.  I'm getting greater clarity about recent events.  It provides peace of mind, emotional safety and stability.
3.  I appreciate the stability that recovery offers. No, I'm not a drug addict or suffer from drinking. My issue at one time was knowing how to cope with narcissists, emotional vampires, social predators.  Years ago, I didn't have boundaries.
     My growth has been through what I have learned from Al-Anon Family Groups and ten years of constant, vigorous work---like 3-4 hours a day---on my personal growth.
3.  I lost the book in which I had more than two thousand hours of notes microscopically written within, Courage to Change.  How is that a gratitude?  I'm learning to hold everything I have with an open hand, including the cause for a recent disappointment.  And I'm not talking about my book, silly.

  "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord."

 4/9/14 Innkeeper note:  The book was found. A client had taken it with him, accidentally, after a session. I'm glad I have it back. Yaay!
4.  For equanimity.  It is the hard-fought product of spiritual discipline, maintaining a living, vibrant relationship with God and applying principles above my feelings----not that I'm denying them, mind you.  Oh, do I feel them.  And yet, I know a peace that transcends my circumstances and emotions.

      And there is no lesson for me to learn from the setbacks encountered the past week.  My mind, I do not worship.  There is no craving need to analyze everything.  That is a vain attempt at controlling the uncontrollable.

      I know this trap.  I was this way as a young man.  Life happens.  Our challenge is going with it, not fighting the waves caused by life's vicissitudes, but experiencing and surfing them.

How About You? 
What are your three gratitudes for today? I'd love hearing them. It would comfort me, during this vulnerable time.   Just asking.....

      I'll come back and work on this Friday.  For now, my best is good enough for today. (Courage, p 9)

                  I sure appreciate your visits, and your comments.                             Especially, now.

                       Pablo

Finding Rays of Light, Even In the Darkened World of Disappointment 3/25/14

The gauntlet of disappointing circum-
stances are challenging my serenity.

       Pressure happens.  Dealt with a suicidal client on Monday.

        The intensity of the week often does not let up. Some-times we are beat.  But, like listening to Ginger Baker, Tito Puente or Gene Krupa, it can be a good beat.

        Dealing with distraught or irritating people adds intensity to our days.  It is important knowing how to take care of ourselves.

"A problem is a chance for you to do your best."                                Duke Ellington

          Life at times is riding an emotional roller coaster.  Resiliency helps.  We can overcome anxiety and depression.  I know.  It sounds far-fetched.

         There are steps that make it possible.  One action is applying principles above the vulnerable parts of our personality.  It gives us emotional balance.  Exercising boundaries when circumstances are not safe or fair is another step.

        The fellowship and principles of Al-Anon Family Groups or any recovery program can ground us, too.  A strong relationship with God can also be a big support.
     

       A warm, strong, supportive network holds us together.

       Especially when holes are being torn in the fabric of our sanity during stress-ful times. Good friends provide emo-tional object constan-cy.

       This constancy is needed if we want to remain strong when tested.

         Good friends provide compassion when we are filled with self-judgment.  Their encouragement helps us still see the beauty life offers even when smacked in the head with the 2x4 of disappointment.

         When times are rough it is tempting to turn our heart into a walnut.  We think it is a good idea.  We make our inner self impen-etrable, during tough times.  We try to hide behind emotional walls.

         We think it is our only recourse.  When we do, we will laugh.  But not all of our laughter.  We will cry, but not all of our tears.  And life will be empty.  And frustrating.  Because our relationships will not be satisfying.

         Our connections with others will be feeble.  They will lack authen-ticity.  There will be no intimacy.  Our relationships will have no con-nection.

        Life can be fulfilling.  When our emotional sobriety is challenged, it doesn't have to be a big thing.  We can find courage from an impor-tant source.

        We can discover hope when we draw from the well of love we receive from Safe People and God.

        This love from healthy people fortifies us.   This is especially true during difficult times.  We are nurtured when we are loved and accepted.  We derive the confidence needed to be authentic, vulnerable and real.

        We can welcome life when we are supported by our strong network of good friends.  Even during tough times.  We do not have to retreat from our difficulties.

        The grace we get from emotionally healthy others is a spackle we need.  It patches the cracks of our vulnerabilities. The love we get from good friends helps us overcome fears and our urge to control outcomes and others.

        Hope replaces bitterness.  Healing substitutes our former passive or angry reactions during tough times. Sulking will dissipate.  Serenity, wholeness, and joy can be a big part of our lives.  This can be true even when emotional storms churn within.  Is this possible?

        Yes.

        Sunday had mo-ments of vulnerabil-ity.  The gauntlet of disappointment was tossed by a good friend.  It shook my equanimity.  Pushing past fear, I said what I felt and wanted to her.

        I was calm.  Whatever the outcome, was not a statement about me.  I had faith that the future would be exactly as it should be.

        Responding is better than reacting.

         Nonviolent communication and being internally referen-ted helped.  I spoke my truth.  I said what I felt.  I expressed what I wanted.  The dragons of insecurity and fear were caged.  They did not silence me into submission or passivity.

          Even with all my recovery, the outcome was disappointing.  But I faced reality.  I connected with my feelings.  Even the hurtful ones. Dig-ging deeper, I got in touch with the needs beneath the emotions.
 
          Reality is preferred to fantasy or passivity. .  It allows us to be present.  Seeing circumstances with discernment provides sanity.

"The prudent person sees a danger and withdraws.  The simple continue on and suffer for it."  Proverbs 27:12.  

Seeing reality is better than ignoring it.  It is going to smack into us anyway.  So, why not be proactive.  A clear impression of reality often requires going through the slow jumble and tumble wash cycle of pa-tience, several times.

          What I've learned the past ten years has taught me how to take care of me.  Even when hurled through the darkened domain of dis-appointment.  I was in a bleak place Monday.

          I processed the sadness I felt.  I mourned my frustration.  I connected with the depression I felt because of Sunday's conversation.  I exercised self-compassion.

          Even so, I laughed Monday.  I listened to great music.  I told jokes, nurtured myself and had fun.

     “What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in com-parison to what lies inside of you.”      Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tonsure not necessary. Besides,
 my mug usually has a smile

        Difficult times does not mean we need to wear the tonsure of humiliation. We do not need to degrade ourselves.

         We do not want to withdraw into the monastery of isolation.  We can still enjoy the nuggets of joy each day offers.  During less-than-pleasant times, we can eat nutritious food.  We can exercise to let out steam.  We can laugh when possible.

         We can rest.  Investing time with dear friends (see the last half of that link) is a good idea, too.  We can take in the beauty life offers.  This hap-pens when we live in a healthy community.  Being cooped within the cocoon of self-loathing, despair and disappointment does us no good.

May you have a great and grateful day.  I know I will,

               Pablo

Hope For The Past, Revisited 3/23/14

Yes, our past can be restored

Self-Love:Being Gentle Towards Our Mistakes
       Life is all about balance, isn't it?  After that appointment, what did I do?  I went to my favorite cycle shop and bought a non-drip water bottle.  Am I glad.  I inexpensively treated

Why I Do the Work I Do................... 3/22/14

     Hello everyone.  Here I am again, when I normally check in with the guests of this inn.  How was your day?  Mine, in a word: restful.  I took a four hour nap in the middle of the day. This was followed by seeing The Budapest Hotel at the California

Summary of the Week----The Good 3/22/14

        Good morning.  I'm posting later, or earlier than normal, depending how you look at it.  I corresponded with someone Friday, while in a restaurant, after working in San Leandro.  Such is the convenience of my smartphone creating a wi-fi hotspot.  It allowed me to use my laptop. The restaurant did not provide a wireless connection.

       The e-mail was sent at 12:04 a.m. Yes, I was still there, then.  Mis-reading the train schedule, I missed the last train out of this city that left at 12:21 a.m.

        At the train station, physically spent I was.  I felt the aftereffects of pushing my body Thursday. On three hours of sleep I saw five clients.  I know, I know better.  Cycling through rough parts of Oakland after midnight would not be wise.  Using a bus, I arrived home at 1:50 a.m.  It was fine, missing the train.  My mistakes do not define me.  I have value simply because I

Maintaining Our Values, Revisited 3/20/14

How are you?

I'll talk about the topic of forgiveness at the end of this post.  Thanks for dropping by. Be sure to have a cup of coffee and sit down, before reading this; it's a bit longer than most.  Please take what you like and leave the rest.
Having Our Voice, Exercising Boundaries

Disagreeing with Others is Part of Being an Adult

         One of my favorite quotes is on the right.  What's appealing about that quote?  Freedom. It's important maintaining integrity with our values, even if it upsets others.

A Night Good for Soul and Spirit 3/19/14

         Good evening.  Did you have a terrific Wednesday?  I did.  And I'm tired, in a good way.  I rode my bike eleven miles (17.7 km) before work.  I haven't done that in awhile.

         Good for me.  The gorgeous weather seduced me, beckoning me