Emotional Sobriety: Having EQ......... 4/30/21

       Reflections dur-ing the end of this month of openings.  The month of April is named as such because this is the month when flowers start blooming or opening up. In Span-ish, the name for this month is Abril.  It is easy seeing this con-nection to the Span-ish word abrir, to open.  

     The word April comes from Spanish's root language, Latin, mean-ing also to widen or open.  As mentioned in the post I wrote on April 3rd, my life opened up to a lot of good that day.  On that Saturday evening, seventeen years ago, I attended my first Al-Anon meeting.  

      Because of my membership, I found recovery.  It was also the begin-ning of my emotional sobriety.  Improved emotional intelligence or EQ happens with every year Al-Anon principles are a part of my thinking. 

      EQ means we don't react as quickly.  We get along better with others.  Conflicts with others are reduced to a minimum.  

      We are happier because life flows more easily.  Chal-lenges no longer have the intensity they once had be-cause of the trauma experi-enced in youth. 

       We become more joyful, clear-headed, and have greater direction when we apply Al-Anon Family Group (AFG) principles above the negative default modes of our personality. 

      No, Al-Anon is not a nickname for Alcoholics Anonymous.  That organization is for the problemed drinker.  Those attending Al-Anon Family Groups may not have that struggle. 

     AFG is a recovery program for the friends and family mem-bers of such a person, the alcoholic.  In it, we learn how to walk the tightrope of being true to our boundaries and principles while still being kind towards those who want to steamroll our values.  Al-Anon teaches us how to connect with those who disrupt our lives with their drinking and their behavior. 

      In this program, we learn how to relate with bombastic, insensitive, narcissistic behav-ior without living with humili-ation, uncertainty, or despair.  This program gives us tools that allow us to attain hope, despite our circumstances.  It provides steps that let us exper-ience greater emotional strength. 

      We discover how to take our life back.  We develop the skills to stop the past and other people from controlling us.  Let me say that again.   Al-Anon recovery helps us cut the strings of those who want to be marionettes and control not on-ly their lives but ours, as well. 

      Yes, attending AFG is a great deal, a terrific invest-ment of time.  We grow char-acterologically by going to meetings, getting a sponsor, and learning the material at the heart, not head level.  As we apply Al-Anon's principles, we experience serenity and peace that transcends our darkest and most foreboding circumstances. 

      That happened to me this month. 

      Recovery teaches us how to relate with a gentle but firm personal power.  There is no need for dominance.  One principle of Al-Anon is that we learn we can say our no as gently as our yes.  

     Personal growth helps us discover another AFG principle.  The highest form of wisdom is kindness.  We discard the Poor Me Victim role. Being present and empathetic is preferred. 

      There is a third Al-Anon principle that helps us have balanced relationships.  If we feel like a doormat, we need to get up off of the floor.  These three principles are examples of how AFG provides slate stones that help us tread across the bog of difficulties that frequently surface when relating with others. 

      Not only has Al-Anon Family Groups stood the test of time--70 years--but its members get better and better with every refresh---each time we read its literature, go to a Zoom AFG meeting or use its prin-ciples. 

      Have a fantastic weekend.  I know I will.